This is like the video for 'Aphex Twin - Come To Daddy', only far more horrifying.

I'm so, so sorry to hear this.

I feel really lucky that I get some government support because I have autism / bipolar. It's not much, but the specific benefit I receive also allows me to do some work... and I'm also very lucky to be self employed in a field I enjoy (writing music). So I'm certainly not rich or even that comfortable, but it does allow me to morph my days and nights to suit my unnatural rhythms.

One thing I find about lack of sleep... it makes me really emotional, grumpy, increases likelihood of a depressive state. For me, it's SO important to almost literally inject happiness. If we have a condition that takes away our happiness, it's really crucial to create happiness in any way possible. Binge funny TV shows, go for a walk, watch some standup comedy, call a friend (not at 2am unless they're also a night owl haha), make some art (doesn't matter if you're good at it), try learning a new skill, play a game, join a volunteering group. Those are my go-to activities, probably different for you.

Also, and I know it'll sound trite, but I got into a couple of things during lockdown that made a big difference to my overall happiness; Buddhist and Stoic philosophy. I'm not a Buddhist, probably never will be. I definitely have a long way to go in applying Stoic principles. But they have really improved my life. Meditation is very hard at first but incredibly beneficial. If I could recommend a couple of books (one is an audiobook and for me was more transformative than Buddhist principles)... if you've never used Audible, you can sign up for a month trial and keep the audiobook you select, no charge if you cancel within 28 days.

1. Derren Brown - Happy (not sure if you're familiar with this guy, he's a legit mind wizard, almost terrifyingly intelligent and has a long career as a 'mentalist' aka psychological magic)
2. Thich Nhat Thanh - The Heart Of The Buddha's Teachings

Thanks, I do suspect I have delayed phase sleep disorder. It's good to know I'm not alone. Do you have any coping strategies?

My coping strategy is 'modafinil to keep me from not being a zombie when particularly sleep deprived', and 'zopiclone for if I have been up longer than I should and it's early enough to push me back into normal sleep pattern'. But of course I'm very wary about doing that more than twice in a row, so it's never enough to establish 'normality'.

Thank you so much for the detailed response, I really appreciate it. Over the years I've looked into this a lot but you've given me some really useful new information!

Health care in the UK, especially for lesser known genetic diseases, can be a bit of a lottery... I moved up the country 6 months ago, and within a month had been tested & diagnosed for a generic mutation called FMF (familial Mediterranean fever). My dad / sister both have it but despite nearly a decade of requests I was unable to get a doc to investigate it. So far up here the gp response has been a referral to a website for cognitive behavioural therapy.

I'll push on though and see if there's anything more they can investigate. Thanks again for the info :)

I'm sure people do. But I'm not a sociopath so no not my thing.

Although, maybe if I examine myself a bit more deeply, I have definitely been a little troll-y / ridiculous in responding to some particularly batshit comments. But I'd not make a post for the specific purpose of being inflammatory

Sorry to piggyback onto your comment, and I know you can't give medical advice, but I wonder if you have any insight into a problem I have with sleep.

I'm early 40s now. One of my earliest memories, aged around 4, is not being able to fall asleep. I've tried EVERYTHING over the years. Sleeping pills are a guarantee if things are getting squirrelly, but give me severe rebound insomnia the next day. When I do fall asleep, it's like I can sleep for way longer than is normal (so either cause of sleep debt or poor sleep quality).

I've always joked that maybe I should be on a planet with a 28 hour day. But I also know that my lack of normal sleep is potentially storing up huge problems like increasing my risk of cancer, heart disease etc.

Melatonin kind of helps. But no matter what I do... My sleep pattern goes out of synch.

I've gone through school, 'normal' 9 to 5 jobs, relationships, all a big struggle as I have to perform at a normal level despite not having slept for 24+ hours fairly regularly.

I can do everything 'right' (no light in the evening, exercise, healthy diet, no excitement in the evening, no caffeine, mild sleep supplements) and still find myself unable to sleep. What the frick is wrong with me... Am I doomed to continue like this? I just want to sleep like a normal human being!

My initial response is prob as sarcastic as the others but a thought just occurred to me.

Skyrim, v1. The og release, before all the mods and bug fixes.

Undoubtedly still a better game than Star field. But was it the Skyrim we revere today? Will Starfield be transformed into something fun over the next decade?

What am I on about. Almost certainly not lol.

Not fucking up the f/c Fallout London mod would've also gotten me to play more (or at least, again). I played & enjoyed FO4 on PS, bought it again for Steam specifically for the new mod.

It'll sit unplayed until the mod is ready!

Yep, it's a ridiculous position.

I could easily handle an oz a month. Maybe not with my tolerance levels as they are right now :) but that would change very quickly.

When I used to get through a lot, I was finishing an 8th every couple of days, and that was with some semblance of restraint.

I remain incredibly envious of the decrim in USA of weed. I was lucky enough to visit Seattle in '19, I was like Charlie in the chocolate factory when I visited a dispensary!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.

YES.

Hahaha that proper made me laugh

How much weed is that?

Current price of an oz in the UK, if you know the right person: ~£160 Current exchange rate of $2500: £1,962 1962 / 160 = 12.26 oz per year

So about an oz a month. I'm happy to pick up the slack for lil' Timmy.

I tried buckie once! Drank a whole bottle, later that night had some sort of weird seizure while trying to go for a piss. Mashed my face against the skirting board, looked like I'd been in a fight the next day.

Buckfast. Just say no.

Have you checked out his podcast? He's such an interesting person.

It's called 'Metaphysical Milkshake'.

Ahhhh fascinating.

For years, I've been adamant that when I stir a cup of hot tea or coffee, the pitch of the scraping spoon almost imperceptibly shifts, and assumed it was because of the gradual slight cooling of the water. Nobody else could seem to hear what I heard.

Wasn't sure if it was my music producer ears or imagination.

Reading the article, this went exactly as I imagined it would. Equal parts hilarious and horrifying!

OK for the Xeelee series (by Stephen Baxter), you're really spoiled for choice... the author designed all the books to be standalone, doesn't really do 'cliffhangers'. But he has a suggested reading order:

Vacuum Diagrams (collection of short stories which will set out the overal story of the universe)

Timelike Infinity / Ring (tells the story of a character integral to the series, Michael Poole)

Raft and Flux (incidents amongst the wider background)

Destiny's Children (three-parter in the same universe, exploring different evolutions of humanity)

Then whatever else you like the sound of.

As an example of the sorts of timescales he writes over, 'Xeelee: Redemption' is set between the years 4060 and 5,000,000,000! Personally I prefer long books over short stories, which to me always feel like they end just as they get going. So while Vacuum Diagrams is excellent, if the same is true for you, maybe jump in with Timelike Infinity. It's a shame all my stuff is in storage atm as I could post you some of these. Hopefully you can find them at your local library.

For Banks, there's an excellent reading order here: https://www.howtoread.me/the-culture-reading-order/

Have you read much by Iain M. Banks? It's classed as 'hard' scifi, but I think that's just because he refers to actual known physics quite a lot. Really really really cool worldbuilding, especially in the Culture series. The Xeelee series is also fantastic and there's a ton of books there!