Am I "trans enough"

If you consider yourself a male/guy no, you're not trans. Why do you not feel cis? Maybe your identity lies in the non-binary spectrum.

What you've described is being gender non-conforming, and while that can be a sign of someone being trans, it can also mean you just like some things that aren't typically associated with your gender, and that's fine too.

I think what it boils down to is: if you could instantly become a woman, would you?

I'm in a situation similar to yours. Getting laser (the beard's already gone though >:3), long hair, trying to present more androgynous, but otherwise male presenting at the moment... regrettably...

I consider myself trans because I'm actively trying to rectify that and if I was given the opportunity to magically switch, I would without even thinking about it.

I would say expertiment a bit and see if something clicks in you. If it doesn't, that's fine too. You may be gender non-confirming, which by what you described would be perfectly reasonable.

Or it could be that you're just not ready yet. I myself had to remove a ton of mental barriers to accept this part of me, but when I did, it felt extremely liberating and obvious. But trust me, I struggled a lot getting there, thinking it couldn't possibly be the case.

So experiment, really think about it, and see where you land. If you're not sure yet, repeat. You'll eventually find your sweetspot, and it'll be fine, whichever it is.

Feel free to ask if you have questions.

All labels are imperfect, I guess. That's the nature of labels: a shorthand for a complex reality.

I don't know if the "trans" label is or isn't a good shorthand for the complex reality of your identity. But the important thing is: your identity is valid and yours, regardless of what labels you stick on it.

If you feel that you are a woman, be that partially or completely, then congratulations, girl, there you go. Or maybe what you feel like switches back and forth depending on your mood, or maybe you exist somewhere in the middle. That's valid too. There are other labels worth exploring in that space, non-binary, genderfluid... I suppose the only really useful thing here is to work out which ones resonate with you as a suitable shorthand for who you are.

Oh and who you are attracted to is irrelevant. Lots of trans gals are lesbians. Doesn't make them any less trans.

I find it interesting that you don't "necessarily think" that you're a woman. There are many other options besides being a woman, as other commenters have shared. You mention having a beard and presenting as a cis man, but you don't elaborate on how that makes you feel. Simply having your body be a certain way doesn't dictate whether you can be a woman or be transgender. Our bodies and presentations are malleable. Do you like having a beard? It's okay whether you do or don't, there's no right answer. Being transfem isn't a sum of traits it's a statement of our identities.

Gender and sexuality are wholly distinct from each other, as well. You can be attracted to people (or not) in any particular way and still be a certain gender.

The best advice I could give is to follow your happiness first, the label second. When I first started experimenting i felt like men's clothing was a chain so I tried more women's, read gender trouble decided that agender made the most sense for me and wore whatever I wanted. It wasn't until a few months of that did a stranger greet me as "Ma'am" and it sorts stopped my heart.

Once I realized being seen as a woman made me happy, why stop? Why EVER stop? Labels don't define who we are, but they are helpful little handholds to communicate with others. So instead of telling people that I am non-binary agender who enjoys traditional femininity, I say "woman" because that's just easier for everyone. That doesn't mean it's the only way you could describe me, but it's the one that makes life easier.

Am I "trans"? I don't feel "cis", but I feel like calling myself trans just isn't accurate and is inappropriate. Is there any other option?

Would other trans people consider me "trans"?

If this helps, I assure you that no trans person will ever accuse you of "stolen valor" for questioning and figuring yourself out. This is a super duper common experince we all have at some point, and if all you can say for sure is that you don't feel cis that's more than enough! Labels exists only so others can understand you better, figure yourself out first! If all you know is queer and questioning well that's more than enough! There is no wrong answers and only you can decide on what's the right one.

I know this is hard, but I'm proud of anyone who interrogates themselves to see what's truly inside. I'm proud of you for making this post! But try not to worry about what others may feel, focus more on how their perception makes YOU feel. Gender is a performance, but you yourself are the audience.

Why do you feel like calling yourself trans isn't accurate, or is inappropriate?

What about being attracted to women complicates whether you are trans?

Before I started hormones I felt pretty much the same way you do, I wanted to be more feminine but didn't feel comfortable considering myself a woman and the label trans felt alien. Rarely are people able to look inside and see "oh, I'm a woman". Give yourself time to think things through and the grace to be uncertain sometimes. My conception of being a woman certainly changed a lot once I started to transition. You may find reading Julia Serrano's Whipping Girl helpful, it was certainly important for me.

This series of videos made a big difference for me as well. They were the videos that made me confront the fact that I was probably trans and I should start transitioning. Maybe you will find it helpful, too?

I know trans people who have used the book You and Your Gender Identity (note: that link is a PDF). It is a workbook of sorts that guides you through questions about gender.

I also really found Mia Violet's Yes, You Are Trans Enough affirming. Not every trans person has the same experience or background, but Mia Violet and I shared a lot of similarities, and that helped me when I was struggling with severe imposter syndrome early on.

I used to have some similar introspective thoughts.

Your conclusions will certainly differ from mine, but maybe you'll identify with some of my thoughts. You definitely lean further away from "male" than I do, but here's what I landed on:

I'm male, I've never been uncomfortable with that (not saying YOU shouldn't be if you are). Rather, my hurdles took the form of other people reacting adversely when I do or say something "girly".

My mom loves to recount the fact that I wanted to wear skirts as a kid, and I was bullied for being too "gay" in middle school.

At some point though I just kinda stopped caring about people reacting that way. I'm me, I'm a guy, and maybe that comes with an asterisk. Who cares?

I never felt that "boy" was incorrect. Rather, I just always knew that it didn't have to mean whatever it meant to everyone else. Being told that my being male is incompatible with certain aspects of me always confused me. Because I'm making it work, aren't I?

If someone has to ask (with me they really don't, my appearance is not at all ambiguous), I tell them I'm a straight guy. It's accurate in most of the ways that matter to me, and to anyone who might be asking.

But that in no way locks me into adhering to the expectations of what other people think that means.

I'm AMAB, and present as male, at least on the surface. I've always felt that was wrong though

Then you're trans enough. It's literally that simple.

Are you binary? Are you a woman? What is your sexuality? What is the right label to use for your experiences? Only you can answer that, and it will take time. And the answers will likely change over time as you explore what you want and unpack a lot of the baggage that comes with growing up in a transphobic world.

But it doesn't matter what the answers to any of those things are. It doesn't matter who you're attracted to. If cis isn't comfortable for you, then you're as trans as it gets :)

Completely understand this. Have been here myself.

I personally struggled identifying with the trans label until I was on HRT for 3 months and realized that I couldn’t go back to how my brain worked without estrogen. And I fully support that medical transition is not necessary to be trans. So I know it’s not easy.

Trans doesn’t have to mean the “opposite” side of the binary.

I would suggest looking into resources breaking down the binary gender model, seeing if any experiences of folks in the myriad of non-binary identities resonates with you, and even considering if a label is all that important to you. To me, I don’t think should matter so much, and just use the term agender as the closest approximation.

There will be people that will try to gatekeep transness, but what matters is you’ve gone through the work of what you feel is your role in society vs what is the norm. You do that, and you will find plenty will accept it. Try things out, and if you learn that you’re cis, I think the experience of questioning gender will still make a huge positive change.

Hey OP I'm in a somewhat similar boat so maybe I can chime in to help.

I've pondered many many times if I'm trans/would like to present as a woman. Every time I come out of those introspection sessions feeling like I wouldn't mind being a woman at all (physically or not), but I also don't feel a strong desire to be one either, nor do I have feelings of dysphoria with regards to my current body (or euphoria at the idea of changing it to be like a woman's for that matter).

But like you I also think I wish I was more female presenting and I like "traditionally female" things, so to speak (as a silly anectodte, just this past summer I painted my whole room pink and started collecting plushies, even though I still have a thick ass beard).

I think in the end, if I were to label myself, this lands me somewhere in the non-binary spectrum, because I don't have a strong attachment to the notion of maleness and have never seen myself "fully" as a man, but I also don't think I could go around calling myself a woman either.

And after several years of this mental back and forth I frankly just now forgo the idea of labeling myself (which I guess could be a label like agender but I've never given it much thought). It's tiring and nothing ever feels like it fits entirely. I feel happier doing what I like and presenting how I like, and that's enough.

Of course this isn't to say you're the same as me, but I hope this helps broaden your horizons if you don't feel like you're trans but not exactly cis either.

Is the "wrongness" that you feel with presenting as male purely an expression/conformity thing? If you could dress and express yourself as feminine as you feel on the inside, would that be enough? If so, then you might be a non-conforming guy. GNC people, whilst not trans, do have a fair bit in common with trans people in terms of existing in a society that has a largely close-minded understanding of gender.

Otherwise, does it bother you to be referred to using masc terms (like "son", "brother", "father" etc.)? Are there parts of your body that cause you distress, because they don't line with what you expect or think feels right? If yes, then you may benefit from experimenting with labels under the trans umbrella. Only you will be able to determine if it feels right, but without trying you may never know.

Oh, I actually might have something useful to say about all of this c:

I'm actually in a quite similar position as (I think) you are. I'm just gonna say the magic word right out of the gate: Agender ✨

I don't really know what it means to "be a certain gender" but presenting more femme makes me happier. I generally think that gender differentiations shouldn't be a thing because it makes absolutely no sense for me.

I don't fit into any gender stereotype and neither do I wanr to but when it comes down to it, being male makes me too disphoric for me to not take HRT

I'm of the opinion that a being trans doesn't really matter that much, it's more of a matter of doing what feels best, you don't need a label to decide what you should do and who you should be. If a label is what you are after though, you could identify as non binary if that feels better, it does fall under the trans umbrella too.