LadyAutumn @lemmy.blahaj.zone Trans woman - 9 years HRT
Intersectional feminist
Queer anarchist
So happy for you!! It's amazing that your daughter is so enthusiastically supportive of your journey in self discovery :) that support is invaluable. It sounds like you have some great ideas on ways you can explore your gender and examine your gender feelings in an environment that feels safe with support from your family.
Processing your gender as you explore it is hard, and I can understand how it can be hard for spouses as well. However, your wife should be patient and understanding with you, and when you tell her that this is a serious thing for you and you need her genuine support through this. It's not fair to you to get the "Yeah right" treatment about this. It will take time for her to process, that's fair. But she shouldn't diminish your feelings through this. I hope she lends you full support in whatever you choose to do, even in the event of going to a con in full Gothic Lolita 😊 which btw sounds absolutely amazing haha. My exploration of gender was very quiet and at home and normative. I only started really expressing myself through fashion and presentation a lot this year.
All they had to do was construct a society where the working class is exposed exclusively to neoliberal propaganda from birth until death. Several generations onwards, and here we are. Class consciousness is essentially none amongst large swaths of the working class population.
We keep saying that. But if you told me a decade ago that roe v wade would be overturned and an open fascist would be the likely next president and scotus also just ruled that presidents are literally not beholden to any laws then I'd have said the same thing.
I wonder how long now until the north and south separate. I'm semi facetious, I don't see how this situation can be resolved from this point. The Supreme Court has to go or else this ends one of 2 ways.
If Biden overturned the decision that gave Donald Trump immunity, then the southern republican states would almost certainly rebel. If Donald Trump takes power as a king in January, then the northern Democratic states will almost certainly rebel.
Pre transition I wasn't subjected to it so, I only ever knew it as it was applied to other people. It was gross and exploitative but not in a way that I personally experienced. There was a bit of detachment from that, I didn't properly recognize it for what it was because my own dysphoria and discomfort made me somewhat oblivious to it.
When I first transitioned the male gaze felt like some metric I had to compare myself to if I wanted to be accepted. I started to subtly invalidate myself by all the ways my body differed from what was expected of me as a woman. It became a source of constant self dismissal and a feeling that I didn't live up to expectations of womanhood, and therefore wouldn't be accepted as a woman.
After several years of hormones and then bottom surgery I started to gain confidence in myself and I started to notice a lot more the way men look at me. The experience has honestly sucked as much as it is validating. I know I look good, that I'm conventionally attractive. I'm uncomfortable in a lot of settings due to that. I'm good at hiding my discomfort and maintaining my confidence even when I'm being leered at. But nontheless it makes me feel gross a lot of the time. I'm a gay woman, so it also feels like a part of me is being consumed without my consent just by me passively existing somewhere. Like going to the grocery store and noticing the guy staring at you standing next to his wife. He should know the way him staring makes me feel but if he does know he doesnt care. The way people treat me is totally different too. People being genuinely very nice and happy to speak with me. It's made me understand in a personal way not just how passing is a privilege but being seen as desirable by men is too. I'm still young so my experiences are still growing. I want to be a mom someday and I think a lot about how my children will be subjected to this too.
Yeah no I can see how that could be the case. In the example though, I'm not sure what vocabulary is from a higher grade reading level. The word "vulnerable"?
Isn't this already a thing? Like re-writing older vernacular English works in modern English?
But also, Gatsby is hardly old English. The sentence pre "simplifying" is just longer. There's still some people who would enjoy or benefit from that, I suppose. But AI is going to absolutely mangle the tone and the essence of the book in doing so. It's not just a matter of reducing word count, or at that point your book will increasingly become a summary of itself.
I think the scale of image believability is logarithmic. Going from "believable at a glance" to "believable under scrutiny" requires an exponential increase in performance compared with going from "not believable at a glance" to "believable at a glance". The same principle applies to text generation, facial recognition, sound generation, image enhancement, etc. One of the many reasons AI should not be being integrated in many of the ways world governments and corporations are trying to integrate it.
He needs to withdraw. He has to. The man looks like he's dying. It's time to stop playing pretend. This is fucking stupid. He's literally not physically capable of being president. He doesn't just have a raspy voice, he rambles incoherently, he can barely seem to register what's going on at any moment. He nods off in public. He's ancient. He should be no where near a political office.
If he runs he's handing Trump the presidency. And I don't even fully believe he cares. If he cared he would never have run in the first place. He also chose to hammer home on his unending support for Israeli colonialism and crimes against humanity. Just to further aleniate the progressives and moderates who want him to stand up for human rights.
I have no faith in him to drive a car let alone handle the political office of the presidency. He could be a literal corpse and he'd still get my vote over Trump. But you're asking people to vote for someone who is openly incapable of doing the job he's campaigning for. He HAS to step down. He CANNOT defeat fascism. He is not capable of it and he is so chronically neoliberal that he cannot even create a strong opposition to fascism.
We're all freaking the fuck out because this is the worst scenario. The one we ALL SAID WAS COMING. We were all told not to talk about how old he is Trump is old too and all that. And Trump absolutely is old but he's a fascist for one and fascists vote differently than anyone else does. But much worse he always rambles incoherently so standing next to Joe he looked as he normally does and Biden was the one who had visibly aged.
Enough is enough is enough he has to go. Where is the real political effort to have him withdraw. The clock is ticking until November and he HAS TO GO.
Gender affirmation only counts to them if it defies the sex or gender binary. They're completely fine with people modifying their bodies to affirm their masculinity or femininity so long as they were assigned male or female at birth accordingly.
Trans people pursuing medical transition are such a small percentage of the population that cis people getting hormone therapy or affirming surgeries will always dwarf the number of trans people who are. Throw in all of the ways we affirm the gender of cis people, through language and fashion and culture and so on, and it's evident what their gripe is. It's never been about children receiving gender affirmation, merely their conviction that transgender people do not exist or are immoral and evil and shouldn't exist. There's a reason modern transphobia is highly intertwined with fascism. To believe that an entire group of people, based solely on their gender, is immoral and evil is only possible through a lense of dehumanization and conspiracy. Something they are especially good at. We are too few in number and too disparate to counteract the efforts of fascists, who by themselves outnumber us in every way.
You'll note I discussed the context subtext and use of the word in my comments. 🙃 that's what this whole thing has been about... sigh
Can you also stop trying to insinuate that I'm not an anglophone person? It's fucking weird
I'm reacting to the comment made by the commenter. Those are not semantically the same statement, though. They literally aren't. It expresses an expectation for others' bodies to be a certain way and a dissappointment when they aren't. The word dissapponted is not interchangeable with preference. "I dislike nipple piercings" is not the same thing as "I am disappointed in women who get them." You intuitively know this too because someone being angry with you implies a direct response to something you've done. Someone being disappointed in you implies they had an expectation for you that you failed to meet. It also takes literally nothing from the speaker to clarify this, which the commenter did not.
I have no feelings whatsoever on the subject of whether the commenter likes nipple piercings or not. I do not have nipple piercings and am entirely uninterested in what the commenter thinks about them. I object to men using language that enforces ownership over women's bodies. As I said in my prior comment, this is an everyday occurrence for us. This happens to us all the time. My body is not your business, and the bodies of random women are not the business of the commenter.
As I said before, how would he materially know how many women have nipple piercings? It's possible to have them and them not be visible in public. If his gripe was with how many women he's hooked up with that have them, he would've said that not that he's disappointed in women who get them.
This entire thing stemmed from a simple call out on something the commenter said. A way that his language implied that women's bodies should be a certain way. It was never a big deal until several men immediately mischaracterized what I said and tried to imply that I am stupid, that I dont know what I'm talking about, that I'm weird, that I don't speak English lol. One commenter rambled on about his dick. I would've left the comment and moved on, that was always my intent. It was the visceral response at the mere suggestion that something he said may have had a misogynistic implication that prolonged this conversation into what it became.
It's not just based on the dictionary it's literally what the word fucking means. Jesus christ. Re-read my comments. I have absolutely no desire to continue this. I've made my fucking point. Leave me alone.
No, I'm not. If you don't know what the word disappointed means, you should look it up.
One minute, you're rambling about your engorged member, and the next you're demonstrating again that you still don't understand what I was saying. Fuck off.
That would be true, but for one, the percentage of women with nipple piercings is statistically insignificant. For two, you don't actually have any measurable way of telling with certainty how popular those piercings are. So it's not really as comparable to hair color, which you can ascertain at a glance. And even then, I would expect some kind of clarification that this has been obtrusive or obstructive to the speaker. "I've been disappointed so many times to find out that my date had their nipples pierced" or something to that effect. Just saying "some women are doing this aesthetic thing to their bodies, and it disappoints me" is not really saying the same thing.
There may be a fundamental disagreement here over whether or not it is valid to feel a sense of ownership over other people's appearances. "Oh no, that guy would've been so cute if he hadn't grown out a mullet I wish he hadn't" would be a strange thing to think, let alone verbalize, about a stranger. It implies that by virtue of that man changing some aspect of appearance the speaker has lost something tangible. It might give the speaker pause in that situation to realize that their language kinda makes it seem like they're entitled to "mullet-less" men. We also have to consider the emphasis that puts on men who do have mullets. The speaker in this case is collectively denigrating all of them for failing to meet their expectation of non-mullet hairstyles, despite those men not knowing the speaker and having nothing to do with them.
Yes, here I am, not making any arguments about his preferences. 🙄
I'm not upset with the concept of disappointment. I'm calling out the fact that saying he's disappointed with women for having piercings is a statement about how women's bodies should be. It's saying that women are beholden to an expectation of how their bodies should be, and that when they have nipple piercings they are failing to meet his expectations of them.
You're just petulantly refusing to actually respond to what I have said at this point. I don't care about his preferences.
Trying to psych myself up to go swimsuit shopping this Friday 🙃 I promised myself this year I'd finally do it but I am sorta nervous.
I havent gone swimming in around a decade, and now that I'm a little over a year post up I really want to but I'm still so nervous to actually go and buy a swimsuit. 😅 there's something intimidating or nerve wracking about the process.
Anyone have experiences buying swimsuits? Is there any tips going in I should know? I think I know what style I want, a 2 piece with high waisted bottoms and a top with an underwire.
[META] Just a little check-in post. How's everyone's week going? :)
I was thinking of making a community engagement post last week in the run up to the Easter weekend and transgender day of visibility, but it got lost under a recent promotion at work and a few busy days.
So yeah how was your Easter weekend / TDoV? 😊 Most of my family is on vacation so I just had a quiet weekend at home with my partner. All the drama that went down with TDoV landing on Easter Sunday was.. unsettling to say the least. I hope everyone was able to weather that storm of hate and propaganda safely.
[META] Format for requesting engagement has been finalized.
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to quickly add that the finalized format for requesting engagement has been decided. A commenter in the other thread suggested a similar format. (Thank you @[email protected])
At the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the following.
[Requesting Engagement from _________]
For clarity purposes, this is the official way to request specific engagement groups. I'll respect other methods, but this way, it keeps things nice and transparent.
[META] As of now we are allowing posters to request engagement from specific groups of people (eg. gender diverse people)
Hi everyone,
I've been thinking over how to address large amounts of outside engagement disrupting the safety of our community. As Lemmy is a large space that extends well beyond the borders of our community, when posts hit front page we often start getting a lot of engagement on posts by people outside of the transfeminine experience. Often well-meaning people engage here and say things that are insensitive, require OP to further explain themselves and their experiences unrelated to the topic of the post, or disrupt the safety of the space for transfeminine people.
This is a problem that I'm taking seriously. The purpose of this community as I see it is and has always been to provide a safe supportive community to transfeminine people. So with that in mind posters are now allowed to request engagement from specific groups on their post. This can be gender diverse people, trans people with unsupportive parents, trans parents, people who have struggled with addictions, trans people of color, etc.
I've seen a few people make comments on engagement issues lately and so I've decided that this course of action makes the most sense to preserve the safety of the community while still allowing engagement from other people when that engagement is wanted.
How you choose to make this clear is for the moment up to you. You can add a tag in your title, state so explicitly in your title, or write it somewhere in your post (try and do so clearly as I might not have the chance to fully read your post in time).
Moderator action may be taken per your request. I'm choosing to keep a steady eye on how this affects the community and to ensure that it isn't being weaponized against marginalized people within our community. I ask that everyone is patient and expect some adjustment to this new rule. A certain amount of discretion will also be applied on a per incident basis, this is not a rule banning all non-transfems from the community just providing posters a choice with regards to engagement.
This new change has been added to the sidebar and is considered effective immediately.
Feedback on this change would be great. If you think some aspect of this should be changed or you have concerns please let us know.
How's everyone's week going thus far? :) Little bit of a pre-holiday check in and discussion.
It's been a while since we've had a general discussions thread, and with the holiday season ramping up, I imagine a lot of us are feeling very stressed and worn out.
Spending time with family members is always a time, to say the least. Getting my family to respect my partner's they/them pronouns has been frustrating and exhausting. It enfuriates me that they can understand and respect my pronouns, but only because I'm binary gendered. Getting very sick of deconstructing the "them is multiple people" argument, as well as the "I'm still a lesbian even though my partner is transmasc non-binary" conversation. 😓
But aside from that, I'm actually excited about the holidays this year. And I hope everyone has something to look forward to, time with friends and family who love and accept us. We all deserve love, compassion, and acceptance, and to be able to enjoy a time of year that should be representative of all those things.
This space is 100% open and welcoming of venting, frustration, whatever you want to post here. And if you see cishet people disrupting you, disrupting the community, invalidating your feelings or opinions please report them and we will deal with them accordingly. I'm not handing out bans to every cis person who has an opinion on anything here, but this is not a space for cisgender people. If you're reading this and you're cisgender, you are welcome to post and contribute here. By all means, do so. But keep in mind that this space is not for you. You are a visitor in this community. How we feel, how we struggle, the experiences we as transfeminine people have come first every single time. I won't change that. And if you're going to participate here, you need to abide by that.
I just wanted to get that out of the way because occasionally we get an influx of people from other parts of the fediverse here and they are welcome but I continue to see cisgender experiences being used to invalidate transgender ones. And that's going to be a focus of mine going forward.
What are your thoughts on this time of year? What's been your experiences so far with family, the good and the bad? Let's all support each other through this. And what are your thoughts on how this community has been over the last few months? I'd love to hear it if anyone had any suggestions or thoughts on how our community has been operating.
Considering Vocal Feminization Glottoplasty, curious what others have heard or experienced themselves about vocal fem surgery in general.
I'm starting to hit a bit of a wall with voice training lately. I can find my resonance, I can adjust the positioning of my vocal cords and where my voice is coming from. I occasionally pass on the phone, and I work all day over the phone so I do get pretty regular indirect feedback in terms of how my voice gets me gendered.
But I am very much struggling with pitch and maintaining consistent pitch. It's just not happening and even when everything else is perfect my pitch will slip, and then I'll get misgendered. I cant seem to find a specific pitch and comfortably rest there. I'm also 8 years in at this point, I've been doing voice training for a long time and I just think when it comes down to it I might be one of the women for whom training alone just isn't enough.
I've done a lot of research into glottoplasty and find myself in a financial position where I could hypothetically afford it. Most accounts from people who've had the procedure seem to indicate they've had great results with it, but there's a lot of people who swear that it'll basically render me mute if I get it done. Its minimally invasive and the surgeon I'm considering has good rapport with his patients and I'm confident he'd do great. But on the whole I'm hesitating a little bit and curious what other people think. I do IT work that involves using the phone quite a bit, but if I had to take time off work for a little while that would almost certainly be fine. I don't sing and really don't have any concerns with regard to vocal range either.
Are you considering vocal feminization surgery? Why or why not? Have you experienced similar things with regards to voice training, or has training alone been enough for you?
Feel free to chime in with whatever thoughts you have on the operation or voice training in general.
[Meta] As of today transfem has a new moderator! :)
I'd like to welcome @[email protected] to the transfem moderation team! 🤗 Ada is one of the admins of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance and a very active member of the transfem community. She has already been providing me with assistance in running the community and answering any questions that I have, she's a perfect fit for our second moderator.
The addition of Ada to our moderation team helps maintain the safety of our community and our readiness for more complex moderation issues. Please as always report any rule breaking you see and we will address it as soon as possible.
Thank you so much Ada for joining the moderation team! 😄
[Casual] Happy friday everyone! :) tell me about your week!
I hope everybody's had a great week so far. I wanted to make some kinda post to engage everyone in a casual context. I was originally going to ask in the title "who has been really supportive in your life recently?" So if you want to answer that I suppose you can lol.
I myself have to work all weekend but its the evening shifts so I'll be fine. My best friend has been especially supportive of me lately, she took me out shopping when I was in between paychecks and even bought me a couple crop tops I wanted. I really appreciate her being so willing to do those kinds of things with me even tho she has social anxiety. Having supportive people in your helps a lot.
[Meta] 2K subscribers, growing concerns over transphobia, future moderation issues
Hello everyone! 😊
I wanted to make a post reaching out to the community after we recently passed the milestone of 2K subscribers! I'm very happy with how this community has grown and become a place for transfeminine people to vent and connect and share trans joy.
With the continued growth of the community and the recent wave of new subscribers we have been having some issues with trolls coming in to the community to bully or harass our users. Please be vigilant of transphobic trolls and report any and all rule breaking content that you see. That includes bullying comments, dismissive comments, gate keeping comments - even if those comments are coming from other trans people. Report them, this community is first and foremost meant to be supportive and maintaining that is a priority.
Along those lines, please don't overly engage with anyone coming here to cause trouble or to bully someone. It's not worth your time and just draws more attention to our community as a space these trolls are drawn to. Its entirely possible at some point in the future we may face brigading or other harder to deal with moderation issues. And to that end I will at some point in the future be looking to add another moderator. As of the moment I dont feel that's necessary, but as we continue to grow and our moderation needs expand I will continually reassess.
I'm also happy to allow image posts in this community, but I did recently add a new rule of no NSFW image posts. And we haven't had any yet, but bear that in mind as any that come up will be removed. I think that having image posts is fine in general, though I'm interested to hear if other people think this should be a text post only community more similar to r/mtf.
DAE have to constantly adjust their bra all day? even with a bra that seems to fit properly when everything's in place?
My right breast just cannot stay in the cup and starts to slowly slip partly down as the day goes on. Ive even used the calculator at r/abtf and tried on probably a dozen sizes in my search. This bra is perfect when everything's in place, but give me an hour and I'll inevitably have to awkwardly find a chance to pull it back up again 🙃🙃 very frustrated today lol
How's everyone's Monday going? Anyone have any moments of euphoria today?
This place gets quiet sometimes... I hope everyone's having a good day!! 🤗
Feature request - swipe from left to exit a post.
Seems weirdly unintuitive that we can't already. Its also weird that swiping from the left while in your profile profile doesn't pull out the sidebar.
Would it be possible to have Jerboa remember how you previously sorted a community?
So say my main page is sorted TopSixHours, but I open a community and change the sort there to New. Would it be possible for Jerboa to continue to sort that community by New when I open it in the future?
New resources added to the sidebar. Please let me know of any others you believe should be listed and I will consider them.
I'm having trouble finding good intro resources for parents of trans kids, so if anyone has any handy please send them my way.
I also added a hotline section based on [email protected]. If anyone else can think of any UK or other international hotlines you think should be listed, please let me know. I also tried to list times when 2SLGBT services are specifically available.
I looked into each resource to try and come up with rough descriptions for each of them, if you think I misrepresented or miscommunicated what a particular resource is or does - let me know :)
I also decided to add a specific rule against all forms of debate or gatekeeping. This group is and should be a welcoming supportive environment for all transfeminine people.
Hello everyone!
I'm LadyAutumn and I'm the moderator of this community. I hope everyone has enjoyed their time on Lemmy thus far. This space is very much still developing, but its nice feeling like a transfem community is developing here.
I myself migrated to lemmy from reddit just last week, and created this community initially to mimic the subreddit r/mtf. I used that subreddit a lot, and loved having a place to talk with other people who understand what I'm going through. I knew if I'm going to use this platform long term, that on lemmy I would want a community for transfeminine people.
This space isn't on reddit though, and isn't controlled by or related to the moderation team of r/mtf. So things here won't be exactly the same. I want this to be a community for news, for advice, for trans joy, for discussions and questions, and whatever else we want to have here. I want this space to be community controlled and for everyone to have an influence on what this community is and how it is moderated. That will mean polls and community posts and whenever they come up I'd encourage everyone to participate in them. This is a space for us, and we all should have a say.
Also thank you @[email protected] for hosting the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance that is hosting this community. She's doing this without any profit motive and has been working hard to keep up with the huge influx of users around here lately. She's awesome and has already been an active part of this community.
I figured I'd make a post sharing my perspective on this community and what I think it should be. If you have any thoughts or suggestions please feel free to share them. :)
The American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana sought the temporary injunction in its legal challenge of the Republican-backed law, which was enacted this spring amid a national push by GOP-led legislatures to curb LGBTQ+ rights.
The name of the community has been changed per the results of the poll, from here on out this community is the Transfem community!
The results of the poll showed a clear preference for the title to be Transfem. The link to the community will still show !mtf but everywhere else it will show "Transfem".
The results were:
Transfem - 41/53
MtF - 12/53
The banner has been updated to reflect the new community name. :)
This summer I'm challenging myself to not wear a hoodie every time I leave the house 😅
I always feel so much better when I wear clothes I like and don't feel way too warm in the heat. It's hard not to listen to the nagging voice in my head telling me that my shoulders look too big or that I'm drawing too much attention to myself. 🙃
Anyone else just... never go through the legal name change process? Its been like 7 years since I came out and I still haven't bothered with it.
Its hard to justify the cost mostly. It's also mildly amusing watching people stumble a bit if I have to show my ID for something. But getting called my deadname at the bank is starting to get tiresome 🙃
/c/mtf - A community for transfeminine people and experiences! :) All posters welcome, please read the sidebar.
A community for transfeminine people and experiences. All posters are welcome but posts should be relevant to the community. - Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone [/] instance. - Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated. - Please be kind and respectful to all. - Please tag NSFW topics....
Inspired by the mtf subreddit and hosted on the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
General link - MtF
Instance relative link - MtF