I can empathise with that feeling. I think it's technically a form of panic attack; I have suspected nerve damage in one arm and cannot have blood drawn from the affected area (if I do, the pain is too much and I experience panic attack symptoms - nausea, sudden over-heating and sweating, light-headedness and vomiting). Apart from avoiding the triggers for it, I have also found that tensing one's core and focusing on breathing helps (this reduces the drop in blood pressure and resulting drop in oxygen to the brain, which is what causes the light-headedness or fainting). I think body horror is a pretty typical trigger for this type of reaction too, so you're definitely not alone there.
I guess time will tell - unfortunately beyond realising yesterday that topics that carry emotional pain are more likely to be problematic, I'm still struggling to identify what makes one topic a problem and another easy to talk about.
Botanical Latin is indeed interesting. I'm still learning how all the Cym species names should be pronounced (very few people get them right) and how the root words that make up the names relate to the plant they are describing (quite a few species are are named for people, so they include the name plus the appropriate suffix, but others are descriptive terms e.g. flava/flavum for yellow).
Thanks! I fully expect it to take a couple of attempts and a bit of time, but hopefully it will result in some progress.
Yeah, I can empathise with being forced to answer / put on the spot like that. I can recall a few stressful interactions where people jumped to conclusions because I couldn't formulate a response and then the whole thing got away from me. Sorry to hear that you were bullied; I think that is a common experience (at least one relative of mine was badly bullied growing up and I suspect I only suffered minimal bullying due to studying via distance education for much of my school years).
Glad you like the username! As you can probably guess, orchids (particularly Cymbidiums) are one of my special interests.
Thanks for sharing that. It's definitely something I want to improve upon (hence asking here!) and will try to discuss it with my therapist at my next appointment. It sounds like you have a very good one and they make a world of difference.
It's interesting that you link your experience to being overwhelmed. I regularly experience issues with overwhelm - when it's bad enough I definitely get that feeling of wanting to run and hide, so I understand exactly what you mean - but I don't think that's what's happening in my particular case when trying to talk about certain things. I guess it feels more like internal resistance than overwhelm.
Considering one of the health issues this year has been severe autistic burnout, I would readily agree with a lot of that. Thanks for the feedback.
Hmm, not sure. I can talk about lots of things (not just special interests) including divisive issues such as politics (and sometimes even when I know I'm likely to receive an unpleasant response), but it's difficult to neatly categorise what types of topics cause this. If I had to guess, it would be topics surrounding my (emotional?) needs that are most likely to trigger this. The current one (and this was a challenge to even type) is the fact that a combination of health+work+life factors is currently making me feel like I'm stuck with no good options to resolve them and hence going to miss out on a lot of things in life that I value.
It's not necessarily dependent on who the other party/parties in the conversation is/are, either. For example, I have an incredibly non-judgemental and compassionate GP and yet one of these instances occurred when trying to work through my health issues this year. My wife is incredibly understanding and patient as well, so it's not as though it's an unsafe environment for the above conversation either.
I also don't recall feeling like this when I know I was nervous/anxious in my teens and early twenties trying to talk to new people (before I became practiced enough at small talk). It could definitely be anxiety, but if it is it's not the typical way I experience it.
Do you struggle to talk about certain subjects?
I've recently been trying to work out how to describe my difficulty talking about certain topics and trying to find out if this is an autism trait, a common co-occuring condition, or just anxiety. Lacking the right search terms hasn't helped in that regard!
Neither selective mutism nor alexithymia seem to be quite the right terms, although it's definitely connected to topics that carry emotional weight. I can have the whole concept or discussion that I want/need to have worked out in my head, but when the time comes my chest really tightens up and my throat feels restricted* and it's like I have to physically push to get the sentences out.
(*) I know that this is a physical indicator of stress and am very much aware that I am stressed in that situation. However, it's not the way I typically experience stress, though (I usually carry that in my shoulders/back and end up with vice headaches from high-stress situations).
It's similar (but definitely not the same) as when I feel like I am bracing myself for a verbal assault (again, that manifests itself specifically in a lot of tension in back). I don't think I'm expecting to be attacked, but it definitely feels like my system is screaming at me to not talk about whatever it is.
This is also distinctly different to when I can't quite explain something or struggle to describe what I am feeling. In those cases I end up taking a minute to work out how to phrase what I am experiencing or describe the concept I am trying to explain (and I almost always have to break eye contact to do this).
Does anyone else experience this sort of difficulty and how would you describe it?
Edited to add clarification (also in one of the comments):
I can talk about lots of things (not just special interests) including divisive issues such as politics (and sometimes even when I know I’m likely to receive an unpleasant response), but it’s difficult to neatly categorise what types of topics cause this. If I had to guess, it would be topics surrounding my (emotional?) needs that are most likely to trigger this. The current one (and this was a challenge to even type) is the fact that a combination of health+work+life factors is currently making me feel like I’m stuck with no good options to resolve them and hence going to miss out on a lot of things in life that I value.
It’s not necessarily dependent on who the other party/parties in the conversation is/are, either. For example, I have an incredibly non-judgemental and compassionate GP and yet one of these instances occurred when trying to work through my health issues this year. My wife is incredibly understanding and patient as well, so it’s not as though it’s an unsafe environment for the above conversation either.
Yes. Endeavour Morse is the first that springs to mind. I'm sure there are others, but would need to think about that more.
I am still in the process of working this out. My field (engineering) has a high proportion of people on the spectrum, but the hobby (special interest) I am most active in currently (orchids) seems to very few. I think I need to try a number of other clubs/societies as well as resurrect some of my other hobbies, but it's a real struggle finding the time and energy to do all of that.
Yeah, IT and engineering (particularly elec, mechatronics and aero) have a very high proportion of people on the spectrum.
I only sought and received a formal diagnosis last year, despite being aware that I met the DSM V criteria for over 15 years prior. I had toyed with the idea over the years, but only pursued it last year for health reasons. Getting a diagnosis meant that I had a few more levers to pull with my employment.
Some selections from my report (I was diagnosed as an adult, but my mother was interviewed as part of the process):
- Sitting in small places/repetitive movements e.g., as a child sitting for hours under mums sewing machine playing with buttons
- Limited playing with toys but fixated areas of interests
- Not allowing foods to touch each other, noted issues with colour and texture of foods
- Very formal language even as a child no child talk