Ask Autistic People

I've recently been trying to work out how to describe my difficulty talking about certain topics and trying to find out if this is an autism trait, a common co-occuring condition, or just anxiety. Lacking the right search terms hasn't helped in that regard!

Neither selective mutism nor alexithymia seem to be quite the right terms, although it's definitely connected to topics that carry emotional weight. I can have the whole concept or discussion that I want/need to have worked out in my head, but when the time comes my chest really tightens up and my throat feels restricted* and it's like I have to physically push to get the sentences out.

(*) I know that this is a physical indicator of stress and am very much aware that I am stressed in that situation. However, it's not the way I typically experience stress, though (I usually carry that in my shoulders/back and end up with vice headaches from high-stress situations).

It's similar (but definitely not the same) as when I feel like I am bracing myself for a verbal assault (again, that manifests itself specifically in a lot of tension in back). I don't think I'm expecting to be attacked, but it definitely feels like my system is screaming at me to not talk about whatever it is.

This is also distinctly different to when I can't quite explain something or struggle to describe what I am feeling. In those cases I end up taking a minute to work out how to phrase what I am experiencing or describe the concept I am trying to explain (and I almost always have to break eye contact to do this).

Does anyone else experience this sort of difficulty and how would you describe it?

Edited to add clarification (also in one of the comments):

I can talk about lots of things (not just special interests) including divisive issues such as politics (and sometimes even when I know I’m likely to receive an unpleasant response), but it’s difficult to neatly categorise what types of topics cause this. If I had to guess, it would be topics surrounding my (emotional?) needs that are most likely to trigger this. The current one (and this was a challenge to even type) is the fact that a combination of health+work+life factors is currently making me feel like I’m stuck with no good options to resolve them and hence going to miss out on a lot of things in life that I value.

It’s not necessarily dependent on who the other party/parties in the conversation is/are, either. For example, I have an incredibly non-judgemental and compassionate GP and yet one of these instances occurred when trying to work through my health issues this year. My wife is incredibly understanding and patient as well, so it’s not as though it’s an unsafe environment for the above conversation either.

I always knew I was different, but it was only at 33 that someone suggested I might have it (I was getting myself checked out after my father passed), so I talked to a doctor about it a couple of times but never truly did all the tests.

It took me having both kids diagnosed to go through the entire process to get my diagnosis (same as the kids, unsurprisingly), and I cannot avoid cursing myself at 33 for not doing it sooner. Everything I learned in the 10+ years between both things could have made that period a bit smoother, using all the tools and techniques I have acquired since.

Recent in this question is however you define it 🙂

What behaviors do you conduct when completely unmasked?

Ok, I had a preauricular sinus, which I have had removed because of later complications (apparently is more common, but I can't find the specific data) and probably dyspraxia (of which diagnosis I won't seek, as I have already had enough trouble with the great Slovenian medical system (at least we have public health insurance)(as you can see, I also can't shut up if that's in the DSM)).

Think about all the "quirky" things you do when you think no one is perceiving you.

What words or phrases do you repeat repeatedly?

Cross-posting here from lemmy.world because I'm autistic and this might be an autistic thing. It think it would be helpful to hear how other autistic people make sense of this since we seem to think alike. Also, does any here have this same issue with being confused by the term?

> inb4 "Baby, don't hurt me." > > But for real...what do people mean when they say "I love you," or "Do you love them?" I'm really confused by this because love seems to have such a varying definition. People say love for all sorts of things, and it seems like everyone else understands which definition they're using in the moment. Here are some examples in which each one has a different meaning: > * I love pancakes. > * I love my mother. > * I love my romantic partner. > * I love my best friend. > * I love my career. > * I love going to the beach. > * My dog loves me. > * That couple is in love. > * Where is the love? > > Background: I recently saw an episode of a show (spoiler below) where there was an adolescent heterosexual couple. The girl had a female best friend that she kissed, and is now confused about what she wants. She told her boyfriend about it. The boyfriend then asked her, "Do you love her?" What is he asking? If love means attachment and care, then clearly she does because that's her best friend. However, since that is so clear, he's not asking that. What is he asking?? > > Another specification is when people ask "Do you love them, or are you in love with them?" > > I am confused by this term and the whole concept in general. I think I could really use some clarification, examples, or how to know which definition someone is going with when they use it. > > > ::: spoiler Name of show > The show is Atypical on Netflix. > ::: >

Anime is pretty popular among autistic people. However, aside from being obsessed with Voltron as a kid, I never got into it. I'm wondering what I'm missing.