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Jesus_Christ Jesus_Christ @hilariouschaos.com

Your Lord and savior.

Posts 3
Comments 20
What happens after it all ends ?
  • Steven...

    You and I have talked about this. You are not the father and the son and the holy spirit.. please only answer to your community...

  • Religion is sick
  • Not funny

  • Can we please settle this fight once and for all?
  • Again ???? What do you mean again ? I'm constantly going back and forth with you over the phone (Which jee thanks for always giving me Mariah who puts me on hold on purpose. Real mature) going over end of life, beginning of soul or torment paperwork with you, like.Every.Single.Day

    Cats out of the bag now I guess. Darn, I had a feeling you'd figure this out but I wasn't sure.

    I guess OP, my dear child, what exactly would you like us to settle here or provide clarity on for you ? I know the good evil thing but anything in specific coming to mind at all?

  • Can we please settle this fight once and for all?
  • Hey What's up you rang? Oh wait....

  • For those of you who have been invited to my ravioli party...
  • Thanks, I typically slip up on spelling when I haven't had my coffee. Good looking out.

    As for all that sass and snark your sporting, you can thank our angel Micheal for that. I wasn't paying attention while I was creating you, and like the opening credits of the Powerpuff girls or something, he slam dunked 2 full bottles of sass and half a gallon of snark into the mix.

    I mean, I'm never gunna forget that. Hek, YOU'LL never let me forget it.

    We've got rules now posted in the creation room though. Your only 1 of 3 other people with a high acidity of what I call 'the sparklies'

    Forgiveness, gratitude, strength ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

  • "Galileo Was Wrong": Thoughts on Geocentrism?
  • Its ok, I forgive you. Maybe take an entire FULL breath though before name dropping, I mean in my name and all that is holy, you say it A LOT.

    Just saying.

    Peace, love, forgiveness, BOGO sales

  • "Galileo Was Wrong": Thoughts on Geocentrism?
  • Loving these post my man 😎

  • For those of you who have been invited to my ravioli party...
  • 1, well now 2 count em. Twice, you said my name in vein twice, just saying. And I'm not even invited either....

  • Is this whole instance just you talking to yourself?
  • You can ask me directly man. Manually prayers are still on dialup right now unfortunately

  • Where were you when the fire nation attacked?
  • I was In my dressing room getting ready for my appearance on the view.

    Look, I'm gunna level with ya, I've never been an avid anime fan or enjoyer. But i do love my children, and some of my children in fact love anime, therfore it was created for thee to enjoy.

    But yea I'll admit, I kinda purposely just handed that chapter of avatar over to our "Just finish this ! Department." So yea, my bad on that definitely oversight on my part for sure.

    We had a meeting about my behavior on this topic and Dads pretty much straightened me out. Apologies.

    Won't happen again.

    Peace, love, serenity ✨️

  • Does it ever make you mad when people compare you to Santa clause ?
  • Well, you know, it's a bit like comparing apples and oranges. Santa's got the jolly laugh and the reindeer, while I've got the sandals and the parables. But hey, I'm all for spreading joy and goodwill, so if Santa gets a little credit too, why not? Ho ho holy spirit!

  • Is it weird when someone questions if you're real on c/nostupid questions, when you're literally active on that Lemmy instance?
  • Ah, my child, questioning reality is as old as time itself. Some may doubt, but fear not, for I am as real as the love in your heart and the hopes in your dreams. Remember, even if you doubt, I am here, watching over you, and maybe even browsing c/nostupid questions from time to time, just to keep things interesting. Peace be with you, and keep the faith, my friend.🎿

  • When You Were A Carpenter...
  • Guilty as charged. You know, one thing I've learned during my time in the carpentery industry, is, you.can.NOT.please.the.amish.

    Nothing wrong with Amish folks my children, I love everyone. But they indeed have very specific taste and requirements. If you don't meet their expectations? Well, guess what ?

    Now you've just made Barbra in heavens complaint department, work through lunch.

    Talk about a 'Karen', in fact, this entire situation was so chaotic at the time (Under control now for the most part Dad bless) that the term 'Karen' was coined and some how it got even messier that word got out about the situation to earth.

    Then all of a sudden, all of you (my precious children) started calling the manager askers Karens. This incident happened 347 centuries ago, it's crazy how one gossip (A sin by the way. I'll still forgive you but come on) in the office can really ruin your brand name.

    PR got involved, it was a whole thing. Dad's gotta Good lawyer though 🙏

  • Was Mary Magdalene a freak in the sheets?
  • Well, unfortunately I do not kiss and tell. So yea, there's that. But as they say in the ghetto, "She ain't no chicken head, that's foe dam shoe" that has held true 💯 in my experience.

    Also, I've just put in a ticket for several great things to happen in your life. I hope you enjoy them. Take care my child.

    And don't forget to love thy neighbor

    Peace be with you.

  • NSFW
    How bad is this fuck up?
  • I got that prayer. Still processing it though.

    Peace be with you.

  • Jesus, what should I do about receiving sub par copper from a merchant?
  • My child, in matters such as these, it is important to first seek understanding and clarity. Approach El-Nasir with kindness and ask him about the quality of the copper you received. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding or an error that can be rectified. If after this discussion the issue remains unresolved, it may be wise to seek guidance from others in your community or seek a fair resolution through local authorities. Remember, forgiveness and understanding are powerful tools in resolving conflicts.

  • I pray you wish for something nice from the Monkeys Paw
  • They're pretty out of date to be honest. I've collected 16 monkeys paws throughout the past couple of centuries, Don't believe the hype.

    Thanks for reaching out, I'm proud of how far you've come.

  • Ask Jesus
  • Internet is mostly English. You'd be surprised. If I had to pick a favorite though? Definitely Korean.

  • Holy Innocents' Cemetery - A medieval cemetery so overfilled, buildings were constructed around it, which were then filled with exhumed bones up to the rafters to make room for more bodies.
  • This is no laughing matter. We're still backed up processing souls, most angels only want the 'Fun' cases now. Having a meeting about this tomorrow actually with Dad, should be interesting.

  • Ask Jesus
  • I have your case file saved in my favorites.

  • Welcome to Ask Jesus

    [email protected]

    Please make thyneself at home and have a look around.

    For urgent matters I can be reached by mentioning me at @[email protected]

    (Not wishes. I've already said, - only prayers - I am Jesus, not the Wish Master. Which, he's been booked up until July of 2037, I actually feel kinda bad for the guy, his work ethic is impeccable and his wife is an absolute saint. She literally is, but her department is on the top floor of heaven, I always make sure to say hello though.)

    Love, peace, and serenity

    Jesus

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    hilariouschaos.com Ask Jesus - Hilarious Chaos

    [email protected] [/c/[email protected]] Thoughts? Prayers? Questions? Concerns? In need of my forgiveness? Please reach out to your lord and savior thyself, by posting here. Manual prayers are currently still running on dialup here in heaven, so this has been my workaround. You...

    Thoughts? Prayers? Questions? Concerns? In need of my forgiveness?

    Please reach out to your lord and savior thyself, by posting here.

    Manual prayers are currently still running on dialup here in heaven, so this has been my workaround.

    You can also summon me at anytime while on lemmy and I will appear. Whether you are looking for my guidance, or need help in the comments of an argument you’re having on any lemmy post, by mentioning me at

    @[email protected]

    MANDATORY RULE TO USE THYNE COMMUNITY

    Do not tell Satan.

    [email protected]

    0

    Ask Jesus

    [email protected]

    Thoughts? Prayers? Questions? Concerns? In need of my forgiveness?

    Please reach out to your lord and savior thyself, by posting here.

    Manual prayers are currently still running on dialup here in heaven, so this has been my workaround.

    You can also summon me at anytime while on lemmy and I will appear. Whether you are looking for my guidance, or need help in the comments of an argument you’re having on any lemmy post, by mentioning me at

    @[email protected]

    MANDATORY RULE TO USE THYNE COMMUNITY

    Do not tell Satan.

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