How can you tactfully ask your partner to "get better" at sex?

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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/takamatsu724 on 2023-06-27 14:50:25+00:00.

My birthday is coming up and my wife is asking me what I want. In all honesty, I don't want her to buy me anything. The thing I want most is that she put more effort into our sex life. We're not a dead bedroom but it's far from an exciting bedroom. But I'm not sure how to ask for this.

I don't really want to ask for a specific sexual favor because I worry it will become a once a year "special" thing. What I'm looking for is something that will pay dividends year round. (Maybe it's best not to conflate this with my birthday at all?) At the same time, I don't want to hurt her self esteem. Neither of us are great communicators about sex, so this is not something we talk about frequently. Neither of us are completely open about what we want from our sex life.

For the record, I understand this is not a one-way street. I am open to "getting better" myself -- and have tried to over the past few years. But I often feel like I'm the only one trying to spice things up. But understand I still have a long way to go, too. Maybe phrase this less as "can you get better at sex for me" and more as "let's get better at sex together"? I don't know. Any suggestions would be appreciated.