fucking christ. trying to access work sever via vpn on a win10 laptop, vaguely mutter to myself "ugh you running sl-o-o-o-w is that why you're reporting as offline, baby?"
Windows fucking suggestion pops up with "Slow machine? check this" to which I say the only true and proper response of
#YOU FUCKING WHAT MY SON
and prompt destruction of all microphone permissions.
This is a machine that has been gutted of bloatware and cortana, btw. Never. Trust. the cunce.