AITA for telling my friend she can’t stay here if she’s gonna be at her boyfriend’s all of the time?
AITA for telling my friend she can’t stay here if she’s gonna be at her boyfriend’s all of the time?
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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/AccomplishedTone4949 on 2023-06-22 22:07:14+00:00.
My friend moved in with me and my 3 year old a couple months ago with her 4 year old and cat. she is mostly only here when she has her kid but the days the kid is with her dad, my friend is hardly ever here, and is over at her boyfriend’s house
She does come to make sure the litter is cleaned, and the cats (because i have a cat too) are fed before she leaves, but she’s really never here.
It was an entire month of her leaving the house right after getting home from work, spending some time with the cat, then going straight to her boyfriend’s. Most nights she doesn’t even sleep here.
She was starting to leave when i asked her if she was going to her boyfriend’s. She said yes, then grabbed her keys. I stopped her and said we really needed to talk about her constantly at her boyfriend’s. She said “what is there to talk about?” I told her that I didn’t appreciate her going there almost everyday if she was going to live here and that there needs to be boundaries.
My friend said how she is there every night that she has her kid, and that she only leaves when she doesnt because that’s the only time she can see him. She stated that she would invite him here but she wants to be courteous to myself and my son, so she just goes over there and ends up staying the night so that she isn’t coming through the door very late when my son is sleeping. She asked if this was about her leaving the cat there some days, and mentioned that this was not something I told her would be an issue when establishing house rules
I told her it wasn’t about the cat, it was about her never or hardly being here for days at a time, when she lives here. She said she wasn’t gonna just not see her boyfriend and didn’t understand the issue then walked away. This made me feel confused and now i’m wondering if i might be wrong? AITA?
ETA: she has also said that she shouldn’t have to adjust her social life just because she moved in, but i’ve told her it’s my house, i have rules and boundaries , she’s moved into it and I feel like she can move in with her boyfriend if this is really a problem
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I'm not sure what the problem is. If she is effectively your roommate, is paying rent, cooks her own meals, and keeps up with her side of chores, etc. she can be there as often as she wishes. If she's staying there for free you might have some ground to stand on but at the same time, she's an adult with her own life. You can request that you guys have some time together but I don't know that it's fair or realistic to expect her to do anything she isn't interested in doing. If you don't like how she lives her life maybe she isn't compatible with you as a roommate. But expecting people to...be around...isn't really a thing. What boundary exactly is she breaking?
This is why lots of people choose not to have friends as roommates. It doesn't look how you expect it to and can tarnish the relationship.