I feel bad for kodeerants

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The original was posted on /r/youtubedrama by /u/sunspira on 2023-06-16 04:39:30+00:00.

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idk man. i see where they're coming from. they were violently sexually assaulted to the point of forced impregnation and an invasive medical abortion and not being treated for any of that trauma. being close to 30 doesn't make you mentally stable, doesn't eliminate delusional thoughts, nor prevent you from being conditioned via love bombing and gaslighting and other emotional abuses from a celebrity you idolize in an online friendship. they aren't lying or playing victim for describing that important step along the way

it's super unhealthy and messed up to write that graphic fic about a real person and minor. BUT i do take seriously on a human level that they were dealing with unprocessed trauma of their own violent assault and was giving them some relief at the time. it was NOT a good way to cope or process it, and i'm glad they see and say that now. because it's a common and harmful behavior in survivors that should be accurately understood with all the disintegrated illogical mindset behind it at that time to be condemned effectively.

i'm glad they see that their friendships with minors was super harmful for those kids. even if they never wanted to hurt or prey on kids. because we need to face the way that decent hearted people can and often do endanger kids if they are neglectful of important boundaries. they set those kids up for predators to groom them after normalizing poor adult-child boundaries even if they had no intentions for it. that is how these predatory environments actually arise. there are always non pedos with some good intent but toxic boundaries who unknowingly and very dangerously set up kids to be preyed upon and if we erase that complexity we can not prevent the pattern from repeating

it's super terrible that they made videos out of blind trust that ended up being misinformation that demonized another child victim. but i do understand it happened because of this incredibly parasocial and emotionally abusive dynamic of a very mentally vulnerable unstable adult with a celebrity.

i hate those individual things they did. i don't hate them or think they're evil.

endangering minors is very serious regardless of intent. but it seems people don't see that a non pedophile can (and frequently do) contribute to the environments and cultures where actual predators enter and take advantage, while the adult like kodee had zero aim to access kids sexually. people like kodee normalize the poor boundaries they were conditioned with growing up as well. with zero interest or intent to access those poor kids but unknowingly and completely SETTING THEM UP for an actual predator to groom and assault the kids.

adults with internalized unresolved toxic social skills can endanger kids by repeating normalizing the same shitty boundaries groomers use. likely the same ones that were used on them but they haven't yet processed how wrong it was. so to simplify that incredibly dangerous, complex and considerably less malicious mistake pattern into "full on kodee is a pedo obviously and actually attracted to and going after kids" is so far removed from what they reported which all together makes legitimate believable sense as how they became an accidental pedo enabler. which is still AWFUL. you can be mad about that. but it's still not the same as an intentional predator themselves.

sadly it's removing all that lesson about how well intended adults do harm. few see themselves as a pedo but MANY people with good intent endanger kids and enable pedos and NEED to know how that process happens, good intentions be damned!

and furthermore it's just insane to me to see them mocked for having a public meltdown. cause probably anyone with sexual assault trauma of their own being called a child assaulter falsely and NO one believe them could trigger a massive melt down! i think being grouped with your own abuser when you know it's not that simple is one of the most triggering things a survivor can experience. THAT specifically is why i say i'm feeling sorry for them now!

I want kodee to be seen, disliked, even hated for things they ACTUALLY did wrong. which was PLENTY! not for things that were sensationalized and oversimplified. I take huge issue with people like petty paige saying they're "making themselves out to be the victim" Kodee IS a victim here, and a perpetrator, they are both. they got into a deeply enmeshed cult like online relationship with the celebrity they admire most. they are allowed to have sorrow and horror and post traumatic stress from that. and they NEED to be able to share exactly what lead them to go from legitimate victim into legitimate perpetrator so that the public can understand this process !!!

this was an untreated abuse survivor, which means a person used to being used and completely conditioned out of knowing their boundaries nor trusting their perceptions against authority figures / idols, before they even met colleen, thinking they were standing up for a victim (colleen) against an abuser (adam) when in reality it was completely the opposite, with adam as one of colleen's victims of abuse. anyone who has been severely abused and never processed it can easily fall into this delusion, as long as they genuinely think they are helping a "victim" they can potentially be clouded in their judgement.

regardless of intentions and reasons they ended up creating and doing harm. and they agree that the fanfic and friendships with minors were harmful. spreading misinformation without questioning it because of their own projected good guy inflated ego and enmeshment as a very isolated person in the love bomb and gaslight cycle with a celebrity they adore. i DO think that matters immensely because this is part of how abuse really works.

abusers have multiple "flying monkey" like vulnerable people almost brainwashed because their sickness and unresolved projections made them so easy to manipulate in a way that they think they're on the side of good and defeating someone who's just like their abuser while all along doing the abusers dirty work. this is a mindfuck some adults simply have not lived through and may not understand. of course you should be angry about their stupidity and selfishness at the time but to call them a sociopath and groomer for me is so far off the mark

it's irritating hearing hoards of 20 year olds once again unable to understand that people are not automatically healed and self aware by age 30. maybe your mental low point was at 15. for others their worst, most rage filled, most detached from reality mental low point happens to them after 25. especially when new traumatic life events or being targeted for systematic soul and mind crumbling abuse or the onset of severe mental illness or culmination of past untreated illness into total nervous breakdown are ALL risks that do not REMOTELY go away after being big and grown and 30

it's bizarre how all that relevant context from an actual victim is being called trauma dumping. i don't have to hate kodee to also feel terrible for adam. the emotional immaturity and cruelty from this very young and loud age group is exhausting. i know it's your age and you can't help it, but it can all feel a little crazy sometimes.

i hope they're ok