Well, waiting game is over. (CW: Transphobia, Christian Nationalism)
I told her about my dream and I got this lovely back to me.
“Good morning. Thank you for being vulnerable and thank you for feeling positive about yourself. I am very proud and happy that you have made whatever growth im your emotional well being and you have over come the wounded little boys hurt from isolation and bullying. It’s what’s inside - not what you are trying to create on the outer shell - transgender is like a white washed tomb and it’s not permanent.
[DeadName] you are wise enough and intelligent way beyond your years - way beyond the normal human.
A mother only wants all of their children to find peace within them self - you were born with great purpose and potential and I’ve always encouraged you in this way.
I wish you could hear from a mothers point of view how preposterous it is that your generation has bought in to the lie in your minds that a dude is a woman and a woman is a dude.
I AM befuddled and perplexed beyond words.
I am not in a place to ever call a lie the truth or the truth a lie.
It does not set well with me that a boy child that I gave birth to and have struggled with and loved unconditionally his entire life has allowed life to fuck with him to the point that instead of fighting through and coming to terms with the injustices he would rather just say he’s a woman than overcome all of the bull shit that life has brought in a healthy and proper way…
That would be the real hero - that would be the real triumph and that would be the true victory that I would want for my son who was created inside of my body so wonderfully and who was genetically given a penis and the proper chromosome and wiring of one gender - a male.
While I love you More than you have ever been able to comprehend, I will NEver mistreat people but the hard truth is there are only two genders that god created and this god forsaken transgender line of ridiculousness is the biggest joke I have seen on this planet.
I know you’re going to do what you want - you’ve isolate yourself away from precious people your entire life and even in golden years of your grand parents they wonder why you don’t love them or keep in touch. It’s reallly sad.
BE HAPPY AND BE STRONG BE AN OVERCOMER OF ALL THE WRONGS that you’ve been dealt but learn to be what you were designed to be - that’s my son not my daughter.
I’m not capable of pretending this is ok - I love you dearly but I’m not going to be fake and act like this is ok cause it’s not ok….
Love,
Your mother. “
Went exactly as expected.
Spits vitriol and then says “WhY dIdNt YoU sTaY, bTw We’Ll NeVeR AcCePt YoU FuLlY iF YoU TrIeD tO?”.
I ran away as a teenager because I knew they would never accept me how I was and that I didn’t fit into their Christian nationalist world view. Before I knew I wanted to transition, I knew I wasn’t like them and they would never fully understand me..
I was sitting here irrationally upset about it, and just having a couple supportive comments show up has really helped me to remember that there are people out there who don’t feel that way.
My son came to me last night, saying he thinks he hates both my mother, and his. I told him, if he doesn't want to hate them, he should talk to them, and tell them what they are doing to hurt him.
If they want to work with him, great.
If they don't, well... Cancers get cut out of the body, ya?
We probably both know what talking is going to accomplish, though. Good luck. I hope, other than that, things are going at least okay for you?
I’m doing something I love, have all my needs met, and am loving the mental changes I’m seeing and experiencing, physical changes are just a nice bonus on top (though nipple pain is being a bitch).
Got a few incognito sports bras to help, and was really enjoying wearing one of those and some sweats around the house last night. Looked at myself laying down and felt really good about myself.
Told my SO how I was feeling about it and she made a good natured joke about it being like a “thunder jacket”.
My neighbor's son came out as trans about two years ago. His parents told me while we were cleaning up after a hurricane. They said they'd known he was a boy for years and were waiting for him to tell them. Even my dumb ass could tell, and I only see him doing chores and hiding at barbeques haha. He's a good kid, I think 16yo now.
I was invited to his "first birthday" since he started transitioning and I felt honored to attend, even as the neighbor who gets invited because they live nextdoor.
I'm sorry if this is out of place, because you're obviously struggling with the denial of acceptance from your mother, but there are so many people who will just accept you for who you are. Major hugs from a regular joe from afar. You are awesome and you will find the support and love and run-of-the-mill acceptance that you deserve. Do exactly what you need to do to feel whole.