Why am I the person I am?
Why am I the person I am?
Sometimes I think about the person I am and think to myself, why? Why can't I just be like everyone else? I hate the person I am. Why am I so different to everyone else?
I've been thinking a lot about god recently. Buddha, Allah and Christ If there is one and why would he design me the way he did? Sometimes I feel like I was never made for this world. I have so many things wrong with me I feel like I'm broken. I have two personality disorders, an intellectual disability and speech impediments. Why would a god make me like this? I can't fit in my existence is socially unacceptable. I made a thread the other day asking the question of why NPD is so stigmatized and the comments where so hateful. They where saying I'm manipulative, dangerous and abusive just I have a mental health problem that is completely beyond my control. Non of these idiots have ever met me or know what I'm like yet were saying all these awful things about me. God knows what your average person believes. I have friends and family I love but I'm worried about how they would react if they found out. Why can't people see beyond my diagnosis and understand that I'm a person like anyone else who has problems. I'm seeing this guy. I known about him for a year now and we've been on two dates and planning on more. I love him to bits and want nothing more than to be with him. I've been researching him for a while. Finding out his interests and hobbies so I can make it work. I hope I can make an impression on him so if he does found out he can look beyond all the media hype and love me for who I am.
I just want people to like me. Why would a god give me something so stigmatized? I honestly just wish I had never been born in the first place.
There's no god, friend
Come with me, nothing matters, we can do good, and anything we want!
We can't. My life story is not being able to do whatever I want. I wanted to be a nurse but I didn't have the grades, I wanted to have the grades but school was too hard, I wanted to be a programmer but I just couldn't do it, I wanted to go to university but again I didn't have the grades, I wanted to read books but I don't have the attention span ect... ect... I could go on all day. All my friends from school have moved away and done better things while I'm still stuck in my childhood town. Most of my brothers and sisters are all in university or done something with there life while I'm just a NEET loser.
If there was he would have a lot to answer for.
Considering how you come across based on that text I can't say I'm too surprised of why you feel that way.
All I can say is that meditation might be of some assist with this. It's a long journey but it can help you realise that whatever you feel as "self" is actually just an illusion. You're not located behind your face looking out in the world; there's just consciousness and it's content.
I do not see how you separate the notion of the mind from the notion of the self, it seems like the mind and the self are closely intertwined as similar concepts. If the self is an illusion, then so is the mind, so is "consciousness." There is just raw existence, reality simpliciter, without any adjectives.
I define consciousness as the sense that it’s like something to be - that it feels like something from the subjective perspective of an organism. I’d argue it’s the only thing in the universe that cannot be an illusion. Even if we were living in a simulation where everything was fake, it would still feel like something to be simulated.
That’s all there is: the subjective experience of life happening. There’s no “you” at the center of the experience, no point in your brain where everything comes together and a self resides. The feeling of self is just an appearance within the prior condition of consciousness. Kind of like ripples on the surface of a calm lake. Without the lake there are no ripples but the ripples are not separate from the lake.