I have a really hard time with this. It's like we're both speaking English, but it's not the same language. There's a lot of meaning that people make out of what I say. It's almost like everything I say is an implied message to them, so they have to figure out what I'm saying. It causes a lot of confusion and even displeasure if someone takes what I said as being an insult. Often times, I just stay quiet because I don't have the energy necessary to filter out every possible implication my message may have so that I am understood properly or I think that I will be misunderstood so bad, that it's better to stay quiet. And even when I do try to filter the message, it's clearly not authentic, so then I come off as definitely having an implication.
I knew a lady that told me the world was divided into healthy humans and hijackals (people that hijack relationships for their own needs), but they both look the same from the outside. I remember thinking that was so silly because clearly there are spectrums to human personalities. It's not one or the other. I remember thinking in my head that she sounded traumatized and could probably benefit from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy because she was splitting. However, in the 1.5 years since I spoke with that lady, everything she told me turned out to be 100% right. Every single thing. She was not wrong about anything. She had some incredible foresight. With that perspective, I developed my own model on neurodiversity. There are autistic/adhd people and there are normies. We look the same from the outside, but inside we're almost different species. So, if I naturally get along well with someone, then I assume they're autistic or adhd. If there is a lot of misunderstanding and clarifying, then they're normie.
That's a very broad question that could be asking about a few different things.
A good start here, would be to elaborate more on what you mean exactly. Maybe give an example?
Do you mean in conversations, like people donāt get what you are trying to say?
You could also mean that people donāt appreciate how you are and arenāt more understanding towards you.
To 1.: When there are misunderstandings in conversations, it really depends on the topic and personā¦
For example, today I had to explain to someone how some preferences in a sound mixer worked. For that I tried explain it how I saw it, but when I saw it didnāt work, I tried different methods of describing it (metaphors of generally known topic or a more broad description).
Also a lot of people seem to make more an effort to understand, when they feel like you talk to them in a way, that they also feel acknowledged and accepted.
To 2.: In general, I have learned, that a lot of people are trying to be more understanding of a person if one invests themselves in them in some way.
You could also have meant something else, that I missedā¦but hopefully this helps somehow
Iām by no means an expert on this, probably more the opposite. This is just my experience.
Reading tons of fiction. Good storytelling is an art, and following the masters has helped me.
Joining a menās group. Itās helped me resolve emotional hangups that prevented me from communicating what I felt in the nonverbal signals that evoke peopleās empathic response.
Becoming a better listener. More time spent caring about others and processing othersā stories programs the brain with the common language of shared experience.