JFC WHY IS THIS ME. I didn't learn even the most basic social skills until I was like 20, and I'm only now settling myself into even vaguely healthy relationships at the age of fucking 30.
It sucks, right✠So much lost potential and time. Still, I'm happy to have eventually achieved awareness and the capacity to improve. It gives me something to look forward to, so I'm excited about it too. Things can get better đ
I still donât get marriage. If you want to be there for each other, be there for each other. Do you need the slip of paper to remind you of your partner?
No, it's a legal document that bestows special rights. I didn't need to marry my wife to prove that I loved her; I needed to because I loved her, and I needed to ensure that we would have favorable legal recognition with respect to property, taxes, and insurance.
Same! And why does marriage even have to involved romance or sex? Why does the government care of the sex/genders of those in a marriage? Why can't people just marry someone based on long-term compatibility and reliability, rather than love and sexual interest? We could all find someone to be married to, then have our romantic and sexual relationships apart from that. I think it would prevent a lot of problems.
They are taught the rules, and are punished for going outside of them. Because they get taught fairly young and they donât really make a tonne of sense/are often just based in fear of shitty authority figures thereâs a lot of incentive to act like thereâs something special and intuitive about them. They canât explain themselves and the act of doing so would expose just how nonsense most of it is. Theyâre also so used to being told what to do that they have little to no experience adapting for the myriad of different types of people and how they communicate.
Seriously, once you realize that itâs all about making sure that fragile, scared, and/or stupid authority figures feel special the rules do start to make sense but no one wants to admit that.
Examples:
âDonât talk about X because Iâm uncomfortable and donât know how to handle that in a healthy way.â
âDonât share your interests because Iâm boring as fuck and feel bad.â
âDonât question why I do things because I find change really hard and feel old/worthless/threatened by people with other ideas.â
âYou didnât understand what I meant when I dodged around the point. How dare you.â One time my ex-girlfriendâs dad asked what our weekend plans were. I was telling him and my ex said âwe wonât be home for dinner on Saturday.â Like bro if thatâs what you want to know then fucking ask about it.
Seriously, itâs all just bullshit to make up for their massive lack of empathy and communication skills.