Bipolar Community Check-In Mar 31-Apr 6: How Are You Doing?

I got diagnosed finally (after over 4 years of pursuing this) a few weeks ago, and the increase to 100mg lamotrigine this week hit hard. Felt pretty "disco elysium" saturday. Giving it time, but had to put stuff on hold again.

Wow, I got diagnosed a four weeks ago and I'm only on 25mg of lacmical. Good luck!
- I started at 25mg 2 weeks, went to 50mg 2 weeks, now 100mg. It's faster than most people, for sure, but should be titrated enough to avoid SJS. I would not recommend starting at 100mg lmao. thanks ^^
Oh, yeah, I remember lamotrigine being weird at first. It all went away eventually, and lamotrigine ended up being a really important part of managing my symptoms. I hope you start feeling better soon!
- i've been looking into lamotrigine for about 4 years, the same amount of time i've known i was almost certainly bipolar. i like knowing fully what i'm getting into. i chose this to start with this one specifically with great intention.
  
  the intense joint pain was unexpected, it's a very rare symptom. the heat flashes, the headaches, tinnitus, the intense weirdness, moreso expected (though still interesting, it's given me various very curious intense feelings on an apparent roulette wheel.) i know enough to give it time at least, a month minimum to settle. i have hopes, people with symptoms presenting similar to mine had pretty positive results.
  
  i don't feel "bad," exactly. just very strange. though i appreciate your well wishes.

Four doctors appointments this week have me a but anxious but I'm determined to improve my stability! I'm not sure if it's a placebo effect yet but small doses of lacmictal and Buspar seem to be helpful so far.

Woohoo, keep going, you’ll get there!

I am having a rough time. I feel like I am getting bad again. Then at the same time I feel bad about calling off for it. I just feel like there is nothing I can do that won't disappoint or anger people.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Taking care of yourself is important, and it sucks that people don't understand it. I hope you have the time and space to just be for a bit.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Try to take it one day at a time, and know that help is available. Sending you positive thoughts.

Pretty good. Switched to Latuda after some issues with Seroquel. I usually have strong reactions to any medication, but this time, nothing. To the point where I thought my psych maybe prescribed a placebo. Can they do that? 😂

It's a very low dose, but seems to keep me mostly stable. Very hopeful that I finally found what works for me.

That's so great to hear! When you find the right med, it's almost magical. For me, it was Vraylar. I'm hoping you continue to feel stable and get better!
- Geodon has been a life saver for me! Did you get the insurance straightened out btw?

Not great. Bipolar type 2, and today decided I don't need lithium anymore. I know this is a mistake, but like so many other mistakes I make repeatedly, I feel like a passenger watching my meat robot actively working against my best interests.

Hopefully tomorrow reason will prevail.

Tomorrow has come - is it any better? I hope the meat robot complies today.
- I appreciate you asking. No better today, still screaming at myself as I watch myself making this stupid choice.
  
  Taking them out of the bottle, laying them out just like I always do, but when it's time to take.. Straight to the trash. Burying my shame under other things so my partner doesn't see. I know she would be equal parts disappointed and upset with me.

You know that noise you make with your tongue and/or lips, sort of like a raspberry, sort of like that sound horses make? That's how I feel today.

That's a great description, but I am sorry you feel like "pbbbbbbbt" today. What's happening, if you feel like sharing? And if not, may the week get better!
- Well, I got some really good news recently- VA's Voc rehab got back to me (finally) and they're gonna pay for my school- yay! But I'm struggling to act on it. For the first time in my life i'm procrastinating getting some of the paperwork done by cleaning up around the house. I am notoriously chaotic and my home is notoriously messy, but today it's all swept, all the laundry is done, the dishes are done and dried and put away... Granted it's sunday and I can't go see the people I need to see, but I guess there's this impending sense of dread/anxiety about going to school. It's been over a decade now, I'm 32. I'm smart enough, I don't doubt that, but any discipline or work ethic I once possessed is kaput. Also extremely not-stoked about the schools that are available to a person in my position. I wouldn't mind relocating, but my lease renewed in january, so I'm committed here for at least another 8 months.
  
  Also a certain almost-imperceptible angst about my life's lack of accomplishment up to this point, which you'd think would be diminished by my upcoming schooling, but is rather magnified for some reason. Sort of in the back of my mind, like.
  
  In a word, I feel overwhelmed. In another word; "Pbbbbbbt."

Very fortunate to be in the managing-stage of treatment. About to make a major change starting in May, so I'm enjoying the stability while I can. The change is giving up alcohol completely and I drink a lot, so I expect some… turbulence.

Wow, that's such a big and healthy change! I'm wishing you luck - you can do it despite the turbulence!

I struggled with drinking in the past, and it was the worst for the bipolar, definitely was some self-destruction in it for me. I maybe have a social drink once a month now, but that's it. Quality of life way up.