AITA for yelling at my brother-in-law after he woke me up and told me to make dinner while we were staying at his house?
AITA for yelling at my brother-in-law after he woke me up and told me to make dinner while we were staying at his house?
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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Adept_Conclusion_551 on 2023-06-27 13:50:09+00:00.
I 39f my husband Tom 37m and 2 sons 12m were recently in a house fire and lost our home but luckily we were all out the house when this happened. Tom's brother Sean 40m and his wife agreed to let us stay at his place with their kids while we sort out insurance.
I don't like Sean as he believes in a traditional gender roles in a household. We have had issues since he realised I would keep my maiden name at work, which I informed him was none of his business and my personal choice. He works full time and his wife is a housewife. When we had our sons, Sean thought I would quit my job as a doctor and become a SAHM. However Tom became a SAHD instead and then went back to work after our son went to school and doesn't share the same thought process as Sean. Sean clearly disproves of this and me and vocalised his thoughts about the situation.
I got Tom to speak to Sean and he has left us alone since, but occasionally used to make comments at holidays and birthdays about it which I ignored. They stopped when Tom returned to work and since then Tom says Sean has grown as a person. Tom and Sean are very close, and I would never tell him to stop talking to him, but I personally interact as less as possible with Sean. My sons' school and Tom's workplace is walking distance from Sean's house which is why I agreed to stay, and suck it up while we get back on our feet as it is temporary.
Yesterday was a very hectic day at work, and I was exhausted. My shift ended midday and I went straight to bed. Everyone was out the house; Sean and Tom went to work, the kids were at school and Sean's wife went to see a friend. Sean got home first and woke me up. I was upset and still tired and when I asked him why, he said I should make a start on dinner as it was getting late and his wife was out and not picking up her phone. Usually I do the cooking in the house with his wife, but I was upset that Sean had woken me up and yelled at him to not disturb me. I kicked him out the room and told him I was going to back sleep and he could sort out his own dinner.
When I woke up that evening, Sean told me that while I was under his house I needed to respect his house rules. I told him he could've cooked himself, heated leftovers in the fridge or got takeaway. Tom thinks that Sean did overstep by waking me up and making demands, but I shouldn't have yelled and escalated the situation. I don't think I am TA but I could've handled it slightly better maybe, but want to get someone else's perspective.
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NTA. If you were in the bedroom, door closed, clearly not vulnerable to disturbances then he had no right to bother you. Was it rude to yell? Maybe, but who isn't angry when abruptly woken up?
It doesn't sound like you were expected to assume a SAHM role as a guest. And given that he knows you work and he's a grown man, he could've just made a snack or ordered food for himself.
Personally I'd cut him slack given that there's some stress to provide for guests 24/7 but I wouldn't feel guilty about that reaction when being woken up. His normal routine is out of order which probably makes him irritable as well.
He definitely overstepped his bounds and shouldn't be making unreasonable demands like that when you're already stressed out. You are in his house though and he sounds stubborn so I don't know how comfortable you would be with that confirmation bias and holding onto tension.