I'm picturing donvict hunched over each and every one of these dumbasses, rawdogging them w/ no lube because he'll be stealing all their benefits, putting them out of a job, putting them out on the street, deporting them, imprisoning them, quite possibly killing many of them with his policies, and then he says, mid-pump, "here, have a straw! I brought them back for you!"
It's like he's going through every stupid fox and friends 'controversy' and just tries to 'fix' it. I think the closest anyone got to banning plastic straws is specific city ordinances in certain cities, and only for establishments that serve drinks.