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Try to stab something with this monstrosity and it's guaranteed to get stuck between the ribs or in other bones, leaving you without a weapon.
Historical swords aren't spiky for a reason
The quillons are particularly interesting. The way the blade widens as it approaches the base means that the upper set of quillons is basically useless - either you catch whatever weapon you'd be trying to catch at a steep angle so the blade bites and binds, or it slides down, likely skipping right over those quillons.
Widening blades with a narrower part right above the cross-guard aren't uncommon. Typicay that will a Ricasso, a section that isn't sharpened for various reasons. You won't be cutting that close to the hilt anyway, so why bother? Occasionally it is also used to put your index finger over the cross-guard for greater control (particularly with later swords that got an extended guard, like a typical rapier).
But crucially, those swords all feature cross-guards either straight or curved forward, not backward, which - continuing the "weapon slides down my blade" scenario from above - will do a great job at not catching said weapon and instead letting it slide past your guard. Hopefully, it'll swing past you as well, but I wouldn't bet my life on it. Simultaneously, as the meme describes, the decorations and shape of the guard make it harder to put your hand all the forward for better control, let alone putting your index finger over the guard to at least attempt to justify those second quillons.
Add the material distribution putting the center of balance way forward and you've got a slab of metal that's very hard to control, if you can wield it at all.
Honestly, I don't think getting your sword caught in a thrust will be a problem. You'd have a hard time thrusting in the first place. If you can get it lined up to thrust at all without skewing your aim because your hand is a nautical mile away from the center of balance, you'd still have to contend with getting a fairly broad point into the target. If your aim is off though, or the target moves, chances are the alignment of the blade (particularly the center of balance) won't match the direction of your force and reduce its effect.
Before your blade even has a chance to get caught, you'll probably sprain your wrist.
It's undoubtedly made of some kind of fantasy metal like mithril, orichalcum, or adamantium. So it weighs less than a pen and can cut through solid blocks of steel. It's not getting stuck in anything let alone something like human bones.
Hook sword
Cool as they are, we have very little evidence these were used historically or were actual combat weapons.
Umm...
Surviving sharpened examples point to actual use as weapons, but their rarity, and the training necessary to use them, strongly suggest that they were only rarely used as such.
That sounds like very little evidence to me. Literally doesn't even have a citation.
On one hand, this does point out that there is at least some evidence suggesting they were actually used as weapons.
On the other hand, this also exemplifies exactly why they were so uncommon. Even if you could use them in combat, I imagine any benefit gained from the hook is drastically outweighed by the extra complications to fighting with it.
Well depends. If you don't plan on stabbing a hook is great to get around shields. Make it a more choppy of slicing sword.
Historical swords aren’t spiky for a reason
Yeah but people in ancient times also liked cool-looking but impractical "ceremonial" weapons. They didn't go to war wielding them, but neither do modern people who think they look cool...