Tattletale Times @lemmy.world Your go-to source for hilarious satire news on the chaotic world of parenting. TattletaleTimes.com Follow on Twitter, Insta, & Facebook
Bored Family Dog Has Not Been to the Dog Park Since Baby Was Born
After seven long months of exile from his beloved dog park, a Golden Retriever named Bark Twain, has expressed his grievances, saying that while baby food scraps are a decent consolation, they are “nowhere close to sniffing 14 butts in a row.”
Bark Twain, 5, a previously pampered canine, enjoyed a pre-baby life filled with Frisbee catches, belly rubs, and almost daily visits to the local dog park. That all changed when the Twain family introduced a tiny, squealing human named Max into the household.
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Disgusting and true. I wonder what percent of companies threw pizza parties.. 🙄
This is insane. Paying people to recruit for fake jobs instead of paying their current employees more...
I knew about the controversy (if you can even call it that, so dumb) but it wasn't the inspiration for the article. Just thought it was a fun idea to write about. It would be cool if it actually happened and I predicted the future like The Simpsons does though.
I didn't know that, pretty cool
I didn't know Daniel Tiger was related until just yesterday. I watched some Mr. Rogers as a kid but not a lot. I do very much appreciate the style of the show now that so many kids shows are just stimulation overload!
She has a insanely popular youtube channel for children. She's much better than most as her content can be educational and just isn't designed to sell toys.
i couldn't think of anyone better for the role!
Ms. Rachel Trades Her Overalls for a Cardigan as She Takes Over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
In a surprising twist that has sent shockwaves through the educational television community, beloved children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel has officially taken over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. The first order of business? Retiring the iconic overalls for a collection of cozy cardigans that would make your grandma jealous.
The announcement was made during a special episode where Ms. Rachel serenaded the audience with a heartwarming rendition of “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” leaving millions of toddlers confused and nostalgic adults thrilled.
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Ms. Rachel Trades Her Overalls for a Cardigan as She Takes Over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood
In a surprising twist that has sent shockwaves through the educational television community, beloved children’s entertainer Ms. Rachel has officially taken over Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood. The first order of business? Retiring the iconic overalls for a collection of cozy cardigans that would make your grandma jealous.
The announcement was made during a special episode where Ms. Rachel serenaded the audience with a heartwarming rendition of “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” leaving millions of toddlers confused and nostalgic adults thrilled.
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Woman Contemplates Whether Neighbor is Organizing a Yard Sale or Undergoing a Hoarding Intervention
Nosey local woman, Sofia Snoopington, spent the better part of Saturday morning staring out of her living room window, pondering the profound question that she assumes the whole neighborhood is wondering: Is Shelby Stashmore next door having a yard sale, or has her family intervened with a hoarding intervention?
“I mean, the signs are all there,” Snoopington pondered, a half-empty, bedazzled Shelby cup of coffee in hand as she squinted at the eclectic collection of items strewn across Shelby Stashmore’s lawn. “But is it really a yard sale, or is this just her loved ones attempting to Marie Kondo her life in one chaotic event?”
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Ya I find frequently I can order the product straight from the manufacturer's website for the same price or cheaper than Amazon. No Bezos middle man.
thank you so much!
Inflation! Unlike the company I work for, the tooth fairy accounts for inflation with their payouts
somewhat uneven trade but not all trades can be fair
I have a feeling if I googled this I'd get a lot of results from Deviant Art
maybe the Appendix Goblin instead of Appendix Fairy? 😀
“Are There Other Fairies Like The Tooth Fairy That Pay Money For Human Body Parts?” Asks Child to Shocked Mom
6-year-old Mark Buffet has posed a question that has left his mother, Nancy Buffet, both bewildered and concerned: “Mom, are there any other fairies like the Tooth Fairy that pay money for human body parts?”
The question reportedly arose yesterday morning after Mark found $5 under his pillow in exchange for his latest lost tooth, sparking an entrepreneurial curiosity about the potential fortune he could make if something like the appendix fairy exists.
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“Are There Other Fairies Like The Tooth Fairy That Pay Money For Human Body Parts?” Asks Child to Shocked Mom
6-year-old Mark Buffet has posed a question that has left his mother, Nancy Buffet, both bewildered and concerned: “Mom, are there any other fairies like the Tooth Fairy that pay money for human body parts?”
The question reportedly arose yesterday morning after Mark found $5 under his pillow in exchange for his latest lost tooth, sparking an entrepreneurial curiosity about the potential fortune he could make if something like the appendix fairy exists.
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This is very true. Please tell a friend about the site because I'm having a hard time growing it! Thanks again
My first CD I bought and played it over and over. Just seeing the album cover brought me back. I just realized how much more insignificant album covers are nowadays!
Local Angler Unimpressed by Son’s Tiny Catch
In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment.
Sources close to the situation reported that the father muttered, “Big deal, anyone can catch a bluegill. They’re practically brain-dead and will bite anything you throw at them, even a bare hook. It’s not like he caught a trophy bass or anything worth bragging about.”
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damn! thanks i'll update the article!
It's time you give this one a try on your own!
“You Got This” Assures Father Who Doesn’t Know How To Help with His Son’s Algebra Homework
In a scene not too uncommon in today’s world, local dad Alan Devlin reassured his high school son, Keith, with an enthusiastic “You got this!” to cover for having absolutely no idea how to help him with his Algebra homework.
Keith, a sophomore at Quadratic High, initially welcomed his dad’s encouragement. “At first, I thought he was just trying to boost my confidence,” Keith said. "But then I realized he had absolutely no clue what he was talking about when he started using phrases like “x equals whatever you want it to be” and “Try dividing by zero.”
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“Big Trophy” Receives Huge Win in the Push to Sell Participation Trophies
In a remarkable victory for the shadowy cabal of trophy manufacturers known as “Big Trophy,” an alleged child psychologist with questionable credentials has emerged in support of the practice of awarding participation trophies to all youth sports athletes, irrespective of their performance.
The conspiracy theory, which has long circulated among parents and coaches, alleges that trophy manufacturers conspire to generate demand for their products by promoting the idea that every child deserves a trophy merely for showing up. However, until now, no credible evidence has surfaced to substantiate these claims.
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Enfamil Develops Tranquilizing Baby Formula with Help from Large Animal Veterinarians
In an unprecedented move in the infant care industry, Enfamil, a leading infant formula manufacturer, has just announced the release of their latest innovation: Enfamil PM, a revolutionary baby formula that boasts military-grade animal tranquilizers to ensure babies sleep for a questionably unhealthy 18 hours straight! Welcome to a new era of parenting, where your infant will outsleep your cat.
“We understand the struggles that new parents face when trying to get a good night’s sleep,” said Enfamil’s CEO, Sandy Snoozeman, in a press conference. “That’s why we’ve taken inspiration from large animal veterinarians to develop Enfamil PM”
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Mom Driven Insane by Blippi Screams ‘So Much to Learn About, Makes You Wanna Shout. Shoot Me!’
In what can only be described as a desperate cry for help, local mother of two, Karen Torrance, has reached the breaking point after enduring her 32nd consecutive Blippi video. Blippi, the beloved children’s YouTube sensation and his stupid orange and blue beret, has all but broken parents throughout the world.
Sources close to the family reveal that the tipping point came during yet another rendition of the “Excavator Song,” when Torrance grabbed her son’s iPad and threw it like a frisbee against the wall and screamed “So much to learn about, makes you wanna shout. Shoot me!”
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"You Got This" Ensures Father Who Doesn't Know How To Help with His Son's Algebra Homework
In a scene not too uncommon in today’s world, local dad Alan Devlin reassured his high school son, Keith, with an enthusiastic "You got this!" to cover for having absolutely no idea how to help him with his Algebra homework.
Keith, a sophomore at Quadratic High, initially welcomed his dad's encouragement. "At first, I thought he was just trying to boost my confidence," Keith said. "But then I realized he had absolutely no clue what he was talking about when he started using phrases like “x equals whatever you want it to be” and “Try dividing by zero.”
Read the rest of the satire news article here at TattletaleTimes.com
Local Angler Unimpressed by Son’s Tiny Catch
In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment.
Sources close to the situation reported that the father muttered, “Big deal, anyone can catch a bluegill. They’re practically brain-dead and will bite anything you throw at them, even a bare hook. It’s not like he caught a trophy bass or anything worth bragging about.”
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KinderCare Announces Daycare Care Costs Will Now Include an Arm, Leg, or Possibly Both
KinderCare announced today that, effective immediately, the cost of child care will require parents to sacrifice an arm or a leg—possibly both if they desire premium services such as snacks, lunch, and sunscreen.
“Given the current state of inflation and the rapidly rising costs of literally everything, it was only a matter of time before we had to re-evaluate the economic structure of child care.” KinderCare spokesperson Louie Lootermore said.
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Local Mom’s Wine Club Cleverly Disguised as a Book Club, Fools No One But Themselves
In a quiet suburban neighborhood where minivans outnumber streetlights, a group of women have been ingeniously disguising their love of wine as a book club. While their intentions may be transparent to everyone else, these winos insist that their guise is a stroke of genius. “It’s a sophisticated literary club that explores classic as well contemporary novels, okay? We don’t have a wine problem. We can stop anytime we want!” said club president, Charlotte Chardonnay, as she poured herself another glass of Merlot. “We appreciate literature just as much as we appreciate a glass of wine filled to the brim. Why not combine the two?”
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Local Mom’s Wine Club Cleverly Disguised as a Book Club, Fools No One But Themselves
In a quiet suburban neighborhood where minivans outnumber streetlights, a group of women have been ingeniously disguising their love of wine as a book club. While their intentions may be transparent to everyone else, these winos insist that their guise is a stroke of genius. “It’s a sophisticated literary club that explores classic as well contemporary novels, okay? We don’t have a wine problem. We can stop anytime we want!” said club president, Charlotte Chardonnay, as she poured herself another glass of Merlot. “We appreciate literature just as much as we appreciate a glass of wine filled to the brim. Why not combine the two?”
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Fisher-Price Debuts “Nostalgia Beats” – New Line of Musical Toys Featuring 90’s & 2000’s Hits
In a move sure to appeal to millennial parents everywhere, Fisher-Price has announced the launch of a new line of musical toys featuring beloved hits from the 90’s and 2000’s. “I simply couldn’t stand to hear “Old McDonald” or “BINGO” one more time,” remarked one local parent. “For too long, parents have been subjected to the same tired tunes on repeat,” commented Fisher-Price spokesperson, Melody Rhymes. “With our new line of musical toys, we’re giving parents a much-needed break from the monotony while introducing their little ones to the songs of their youth.”
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Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents?
Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are Ryder’s parents?
“I see that kid zooming around town on his ATV at all hours of the day and night,” expressed one concerned citizen. “Doesn’t he have a bedtime? And where are his parents when he’s operating heavy machinery without any formal training? I have never even heard his parents being referenced, let alone seen proof that they exist. The kid can’t be more than 10 years old! Where are social services?”
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Where the Hell are Ryder’s From Paw Patrol's Parents?
Ryder, the local young leader of the Paw Patrol, has long been a fixture in Adventure Bay. He is often seen gallivanting around town with his high-tech ATVs or overseeing operations in his pup-filled command center. However, recent concerns about his upbringing have left many locals bewildered and wondering where the hell are Ryder’s parents?
“I see that kid zooming around town on his ATV at all hours of the day and night,” expressed one concerned citizen. “Doesn’t he have a bedtime? And where are his parents when he’s operating heavy machinery without any formal training? I have never even heard his parents being referenced, let alone seen proof that they exist. The kid can’t be more than 10 years old! Where are social services?”
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United Healthcare Introduces Ear Infection Loyalty Card named “Infectious Rewards”
United Healthcare, one of the largest health insurance providers in the US, recently introduced a new loyalty program targeting families with children who are prone to ear infections. The program, called “Infectious Rewards,” promises to give a free coffee mug to parents whose children experience 7 or more ear infections in a single year.
Named “Infectious Rewards,” this innovative program aims to reward parents who are constantly caring for their children’s chronic ear infections. “We know that ear infections can be a real pain, both for children and their parents,” said United Healthcare spokesperson, Jane Billingsly. “That’s why we wanted to give something back to those parents who would gladly trade one of their thumbs in exchange for one month of winter without their children being sick.”
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