I wanted to work in tv, I even got as far as picking film as an optional module at school. Got pretty good at writing and editing (directing and cinematography, not so much). But my grades in the sciences were higher and my parents pushed me towards doing STEM at university.

Now I have a job and all the learning is behind me I'm having another crack at it again in my spare time. As hobbies go it's a lot of fun

I have a sleep tracker and it keeps saying, "girl, you're the best at sleeping, getting the 8 hours, getting the REM, going to bed and waking up at consistent times, blood oxygen maybe a little lower than usual but if there was a sleep competition you'd easily be top 100!"

But yet I still feel like death in the morning

"Ahh, just an episode of something before I got to bed," I innocently say to myself

SLOPPY!

It sounds like adding subtitles (or at least a transcript underneath) to your videos would solve a few of your problems.

I'm not sure what you would be planning on hosting your videos on but at my work we use Microsoft Stream to host recordings (cost reasons) and it let's you search through the subtitles of videos as well as set chapter markers too, both of which I believe are also supported by public facing sites like YouTube too.

Of course, "why write a transcript when you could just write a document," and, fair. But if you've got a script for your video might as well make it into subtitles right? And besides some people, including myself, appreciate a video over written documentation so I can see the thought processes behind things rather than having to abstract it from screenshot or descriptions. I don't mind written documentation but when presented with the choice I'll go for the video

'mono' sounded cool, second part randomly generated. Kept clicking until saw good one

My first clear memory is my parents dragging me on Spaceship Earth, literally kicking and screaming because I thought it was going to be scary. I can still see that one like it was yesterday and to be fair to baby me, you ever see a ball that big floating off the ground?

Eh, Lemmy's alright, but it's no bowl of Special K

I guess to add to what a lot of people have said already but many people would argue that there is no inherent meaning to life as a whole and therefore you need to find your own. For some this may be wanting fame or glory, for others it's putting in a good day's work. There is no correct answer. You only get one shot at this life so ultimately do what makes you happy.

If you spend your life comparing yourself to others it is going to make you miserable, especially if you compare yourself to the history books, only a percentage of a percentage of a percentage of people ever make it in them, what happened to all those people who were theorising about gravity when the apple fell on the head of mathematician in Woolsthorpe?

The same goes for fame too, look at all the people who start making content with the only goal of "making it big." How far do they realistically get before they give up? Audiences also aren't silly, they can tell when someone is phoning it in, people want to see authentic stuff.

For me then, well, I'd be a liar if I said that I have never chased something, because I'm chasing something right now, it's just that it's a personal goal and I know achieving it will bring me personal happiness. If it makes other people happy too that's a bonus, it's not going to change the world, it's not going to set the world on fire, but it's been fun.

But I will not deny that in the past I too have had to deal with nihilism, and that was a very difficult period of my life. One that at the time I just couldn't talk to people about because how do you word that?

Besides, you don't know how many people out there are looking at you right now and going, "damn, wish I was OP, having the maturity to question their place in the universe at only xx years old!"

Edit: Grammar