I feel like I can't give them the perfect conditions I'd feel a failure. Like most I grew up in bad conditions and absolutely abhor my parents.

On one hand the thought having the knowledge and skills to raise a capable human being is a nice one. On the other there is no guarantee they'd turn out the way I want them to be.

On a second point I am also afraid that I will have to let go of my own life and devote myself to raising them.

A part of me wants to live life. A part of me wants to shape my knowledge into flesh and blood.

I feel this way because I do believe the conditions I grew up in severely limited who I could have become. I'm wishing, if only I was given an optimal environment. I don't want this for anyone else. If that makes sense.