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dullbananas dullbananas @lemmy.ca

https://dullbananas.com

Catholic

ASU 2028

Previous account: @[email protected]

Posts 126
Comments 202

Pisstagram comment that led to me being blocked

I think this is my favorite picture ever. (No offense to Cupcake 🐇🫘)

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Quotes @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

"He that but looketh on a plate of ham and eggs to lust after it hath already committed breakfast with it in his heart" - C.S. Lewis (a Christian)

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Minecraft youtuber on pisstagram

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Probably the most important relationship formation example that I know
  • The most relevant insights from ChatGPT:

    • "People often feel uncomfortable with the ambiguity and uncertainty that comes with undefined relationships. There is a cultural tendency to seek clear labels and definitions quickly, which can stifle natural relationship development and exploration."

    • "This story challenges the notion that there is only one right way to develop a romantic relationship, advocating for a more organic and patient approach."

    Prompt

    "I attended a retreat at this couple’s house, and they told us this story. I see it as an example of liberally seeking connection and not being afraid of causing people to suspect feelings, all before you even know your feelings and desires. Today, I realized how important this story is.

    In high school, they became very close friends. They even spent so much time talking on the phone every night. The boy dealt with people thinking that he had a crush on the girl, and he kept on denying it. If I remember correctly, the friendship being platonic seemed a little weird to the other people. After 4 years of friendship, he knew his criteria for his future wife and eventually realized that the girl met all of the criteria. So they talked about this and eventually were in a relationship. The boy valued starting relationships with the trust of a deep platonic friendship. Now they are married and have a kid. (During the retreat, the kid drooled on a table, and the dog licked it.)

    When I heard this story, it kinda felt like a glimpse of the future.

    This might be the only time that an adult in my life ever spoke positively about being in such a deep friendship and not quickly start dating. In fact, my own parent once spoke a little negatively about it, and it was about my sibling’s friendship. For the Pansystellar Architecture, I am choosing freedom. People should not be expected to be so decisive.

    To be clear, this doesn’t necessarily mean you should force yourself to wait for 4 years or start with lots of strict criteria.

    Slightly related fact: At that retreat, we all got flower pots, planted something in it, and kept them. I planted a type of flower called pansies. That’s where I got part of this project’s codename from."

    Name the big culture or mindset problem(s) that this goes against

    Response

    The story you shared goes against several prevalent cultural and mindset problems:

    1. Rush to Romantic Relationships: In many cultures, there is significant pressure to quickly transition from friendship to a romantic relationship if there is a close bond between a boy and a girl. This rush can undermine the value of deep platonic friendships and the importance of building a strong foundation based on trust and mutual understanding.

    2. Fear of Ambiguity and Uncertainty: People often feel uncomfortable with the ambiguity and uncertainty that comes with undefined relationships. There is a cultural tendency to seek clear labels and definitions quickly, which can stifle natural relationship development and exploration.

    3. Pressure to Conform to Societal Expectations: Society often expects individuals to follow a linear path in relationships—meet, date, and marry. This story challenges the notion that there is only one right way to develop a romantic relationship, advocating for a more organic and patient approach.

    4. Skepticism of Platonic Friendships: There is a common suspicion and skepticism towards platonic friendships between men and women, often leading to assumptions that one or both parties have hidden romantic feelings. This mindset devalues genuine platonic relationships and creates unnecessary tension.

    5. Rigid Criteria for Relationships: The story highlights the value of having criteria for a future partner but also emphasizes the importance of allowing relationships to develop naturally over time. It challenges the idea that one must have a predefined set of strict criteria before starting a relationship.

    6. Lack of Emphasis on Emotional Connection: The story underscores the significance of emotional connection and mutual respect as the foundation for a lasting relationship. It goes against the superficial approach that often prioritizes physical attraction or societal status over deep emotional bonds.

    By highlighting these issues, the story promotes a culture of patience, emotional depth, and freedom in relationship-building, encouraging individuals to seek meaningful connections without succumbing to societal pressures.

  • Ñ (todo en español) @lemmy.ml dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Videohuevos

    Videojuegos

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    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Writing about future predictions

    For a little over a year, I've only been maintaining a log of events in my life. Yesterday, I started another log for times when I have a mental model of the future, especially the progression of interpersonal situations. This might make it easier to understand past mistakes and know exactly why I'm confused by present situations.

    I highly suspect that not starting this sooner is why it's taking a while for me to fully analyze and write what the heck was I thinking in my situation with girl 4.

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    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Slightly bad parental influence that I've witnessed

    • Saying with certainty that a girl likes my brother based on how she looks at him
    • Encouraging a focus on making a move on a girl before someone else does (My belief: it's good to try to be the most brave guy, but when determining specific actions, you shouldn't focus on competition)
    • Speaking a little negatively about my brother being in a super close friendship with a girl for a while without making a move and about how it supposedly confuses other people

    For the Pansystellar Architecture, liberating people from fear is not enough. It needs to liberate people from the imperfections of any culture. It needs to provide assistance and encouragement in seeking perfection instead of perfect imitation.

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    Probably the most neat relationship formation example that I know

    cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/25242946

    > I attended a retreat at this couple's house, and they told us this story. I see it as an example of liberally seeking connection and not being afraid of causing people to suspect feelings, all before you even know your feelings and desires. Today, I realized how important this story is. > > In high school, they became very close friends. They even spent so much time talking on the phone every night. The boy dealt with people thinking that he had a crush on the girl, and he kept on denying it. If I remember correctly, the friendship being platonic seemed a little weird to the other people. After 4 years of friendship, he knew his criteria for his future wife and eventually realized that the girl met all of the criteria. So they talked about this and eventually were in a relationship. The boy valued starting relationships with the trust of a deep platonic friendship. Now they are married and have a kid. (During the retreat, the kid drooled on a table, and the dog licked it.) > > When I heard this story, it kinda felt like a glimpse of the future. > > This might be the only time that an adult in my life ever spoke positively about being in such a deep friendship and not quickly start dating. In fact, my own parent once spoke a little negatively about it, and it was about my sibling's friendship. For the Pansystellar Architecture, I am choosing freedom. People should not be expected to be so decisive. > > To be clear, this doesn't necessarily mean you should force yourself to wait for 4 years or start with lots of strict criteria. > > Slightly related fact: At that retreat, we all got flower pots, planted something in it, and kept them. I planted a type of flower called pansies. That's where I got part of this project's codename from.

    0
    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Probably the most important relationship formation example that I know

    I attended a retreat at this couple's house, and they told us this story. I see it as an example of liberally seeking connection and not being afraid of causing people to suspect feelings, all before you even know your feelings and desires. Today, I realized how important this story is.

    In high school, they became very close friends. They even spent so much time talking on the phone every night. The boy dealt with people thinking that he had a crush on the girl, and he kept on denying it. If I remember correctly, the friendship being platonic seemed a little weird to the other people. After 4 years of friendship, he knew his criteria for his future wife and eventually realized that the girl met all of the criteria. So they talked about this and eventually were in a relationship. The boy valued starting relationships with the trust of a deep platonic friendship. Now they are married and have a kid. (During the retreat, the kid drooled on a table, and the dog licked it.)

    When I heard this story, it kinda felt like a glimpse of the future.

    This might be the only time that an adult in my life ever spoke positively about being in such a deep friendship and not quickly start dating. In fact, my own parent once spoke a little negatively about it, and it was about my sibling's friendship. For the Pansystellar Architecture, I am choosing freedom. People should not be expected to be so decisive.

    To be clear, this doesn't necessarily mean you should force yourself to wait for 4 years or start with lots of strict criteria.

    Slightly related fact: At that retreat, we all got flower pots, planted something in it, and kept them. I planted a type of flower called pansies. That's where I got part of this project's codename from.

    1
    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    "A reaction to what I'm about to do is a reaction to freedom"

    A thought I had and forgot to mention in the post about the McDonald's girl / girl 3

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    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    I found an article series with useful takeaways about risk and the broadness of social opportunities

    I can't remember my exact search query, but it included "social skills", "dating", and something like "free guide". Still gotta try a search without "dating".

    Useful takeaways:

    • Situations that are helpful for connection are very broad, and includes going to a store
    • "perhaps you assume that the woman you just approached would never be the type of girl who views a 10-mile hike as refreshing and invigorating. However, instead of avoiding the topic as you may have in the past, this time you choose to share your passion with her, and your tales of outdoor adventure are so compelling, that regardless of her previous outdoor experience (or lack thereof) she is excited to share a new experience with you!"
      • This can be modeled as an example of applying an idea from my "girl 2" post: "Be very skeptical of the division between fantasy and what you are capable of in real life." In this case, it's the fantasy of connection through doing or talking about one of your hobbies, or the fantasy of shared interest in a part of your life.
    • Risk is "feeling awkward emotions", reward is "excitement and euphoria by connecting with another human being"
      • Emphasizing that the risk is just "emotions" is potentially very important
      • This view of the reward is useful but too narrow
    • "if a woman attempts to “Creep-Shame” you while you are ineffectively attempting to engage her in an interaction, you do not have to accept her reality as your ‘truth’, and you don’t have to resent her either! Instead empathize with her, brush it off, and don’t take it personally."
    • "we’ll simply filter a woman’s negative reaction as feedback positively signaling to us that we have room to grow and improve our communication skills"
      • Something that I think is important to add: after discovering a severe negative reaction, we are morally obligated to think just a little bit about how to behave in the future, but we should not make a change that isn't an improvement in every way, and we should focus on the future instead of the past
    • "as long as you accept responsibility for your own actions; you do not have to accept anyone’s attempt to guilt you into believing you are a bad person for approaching"
    • Possibilities when interacting with someone who is not a potential partner (This information is a starting point for figuring out how to pursuade learners to not try too hard to make interactions connect with a long term goal. To be clear, they should not try to specifically pursue these effects. They should just not have an oversimplified view of what interactions do, and not remain brainwashed by some people's tendency to be surprised by a girl and boy friendship being both strong and platonic. Also I think even this list might be too narrow.)
      • "You COULD attempt to befriend her and join her social circle (since birds of a feather flock together, and perhaps she may try to set you up with one of her friends – but don’t count on that one ;-))"
      • "She could become a great friend and inspire other women to chase you"
      • "showing every other girl in the vicinity how this attractive ineligible woman was able to attract this eligible bachelor – perhaps they will get a chance with you too"
      • "practice befriending a girl"
        • I would describe it as avoiding the habituation of isolation
      • "show you off to her friends"
      • "just become good friends with her. Treat her like one of the guys, trade stories, empathize with her as a friend, and invite her to all your events"
        • The way I've seen it for a few months is that social connection has many effects, it's completely good to look for short term enjoyment, and which effects occur is mostly not for you to try to control

    Some issues with the articles (partly why I won't actively encourage learners of the Pansystellar Architecture to look at them):

    • It's not clear to me what these mean, and I don't know if they are okay:
      • "there will be times when you will have to over-shoot and under-shoot the mark"
      • "There will be times when you will, sometimes by accident, and sometimes on purpose, make mistakes"
    • "if she chooses to miss out on the amazingness that is you" is a risky choice of words (I'm getting "nice guy" vibes)
    • What it says about physical bonding is not supportive enough of chastity

    Link to the first article: https://www.textise.net/showText.aspx?strURL=https%253A//archive.is/2022.02.02-085649/https%253A//www.girlschase.com/article/social-life/social-skills-101-basic-social-skills-are-100-crucial#main-content

    Click the title after "read next" to see the next article (there's 3)

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    Girl 3 at school
  • Because of your refusal to elaborate despite being active on Lemmy, I'm not confident that you are not trolling. I’m done thinking about your comment. Good luck in life

  • Cupcake (October 17, 2021)
  • I think so

  • Cupcake (October 17, 2021)

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    Girl 3 at school
  • This is all I can think of:

    • Maybe the post doesn't make it clear enough that my discomfort was about the situation I perceived myself to be facing, not about the fact that the girl had a boyfriend.
    • Maybe it's easy to misinterpret the use of the phrase "the McDonald's girl" as meaning that some events in this situation took place at McDonald's instead of at school.
    • Maybe you think that sending the thing with the message "I'm trying to impress you" was creepy. Until now, I haven't suspected this possibility. If it's true, then I want to know specific rules that it violated, since that's the level of simplicity being pursued in Project Pansystellar. (Either way, the probability of doing things like this might be naturally reduced by the exploration goal)

    Edit: also I realized I forgot to mention that I asked before sitting at the table

  • Defund

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    Catholicism @lemmy.world dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Defund

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    Girl 3 at school
  • What is creepy?

  • Girl 3 at school

    cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ca/post/24426937

    > 1. Things about the person that are legitimately unique and special to you > 2. Things that affect how much you know or infer about the person, such as how much you interact with or think about the person > > Being aware of the second factor could help you try to know more people and reduce the chance of hallucinated differentness or specialness of people. > > I did not think about this at all before today.

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    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Girl 3 at school

    ("the McDonald's girl" = girl 3. That phrase was the motorcycle boy's idea. This story is not related to McDonald's or motorcycles.)

    Starting in January 2024, she occasionally caught my eye when I was in the one class we were both in. I mostly ignored her.

    On February 29, when I was sitting down in class and the McDonald's girl was walking in front of me and I probably looked at her for a moment, she appeared to pause and make eye contact with me, and I was very shocked. Later in the same class period, when she was sitting in front of me, she appeared to turn back and look at me. I felt like I knew that she almost certainly had some sort of interest in me, maybe a crush idk. I gradually started to think about how good her personality was (this was likely affected by a lot of bias) and have a crush on her. The beginning of the crush was between March 2[^1] and March 5[^2].

    This is around the time when finding my future wife before graduation if she could be found was slowly becoming almost like a goal, instead of just a hypothetical possibility in the distant future. (Both of these mindsets are worse than the exploration goal.)

    On March 2, me and most other seniors went on a field trip to Disneyland. Experiencing scary rides for fun might have influenced my mindset.

    On March 3 and 4, in a group chat (including the motorcycle boy, but not the McDonald's girl), I sent:

    • "Last Thursday in religion class, [the McDonald's girl] looked at me in an interesting way"
    • "It seems to reveal interesting feelings"
    • "Probably attraction, but could also be a feeling of impending doom" (2nd part is joke)

    I did not ask "Does [the McDonald's girl] have a boyfriend?" I did not reach that level of fearless communication yet. Eventually you will see that asking this would have made a difference.

    I considered going to the table with the McDonald's girl during lunch and asking to sit there. On March 6, while feeling uncertain that I would be able to do it and that we would have the same lunch period, I saw her but gave up and did not ask to sit there. On March 12 (the next day that we had the same lunch period), I cared more about having undelayed success in doing it, and while being completely calm, I did it, and I was welcomed to sit there. Praying for strength in a bathroom stall at the beginning of lunch might have had an effect. I did this 3 times in total. Also, the motorcycle boy (one of the people I previously sat with) told me in a text "they both asked me what I did to make you sit over there. They thought I pushed you away! 🤬"

    On March 17, at night, I believed that I would probably ask about her looking at me and confess to her at lunch the next day. The next day, the feeling of certainty faded away, and I did not do it. But in the evening, I sent her the creative writing club project that I was working on, with "I'm trying to impress you" as the message. It took several minutes to have the courage to click the send button.

    On March 19, when all students were walking from the church to the school, the motorcyle boy appeared and told me something like "Dullbananaaaaaaaaaas. So the McDonald's girl was telling me... in case you forgot... she wanted me to remind you... in case you forgot... that the McDonald's girl has a boyfriend. I know it hurts!" This meant I was finished with the McDonald's girl. I felt calm at first. Then I started having negative thoughts in less than an hour. The decision of whether or not to sit at her table the next day seemed more scary than it should have seemed. There was a little bit of perceived risk in both choices. Also, I vaguely remember fearing that I would be humiliated a little bit. I thought "maybe I was too ambitious" (this thought is a big no no), but then I had these positive thoughts:

    • My mental model, with lasting regret and lack of freedom being a worse danger, is still correct.
    • There is light at the end of the tunnel. This suffering is part of the path to an extremely beautiful situation that I'm looking for.
    • This is better than the previous situations with other girls. This time I went so far and finished the situation in less than a month. I hit a new PR. (Very important)

    I was slowly becoming nauseated. I constantly thought about the situation. That night, I felt so much shame, and multiple times in the same night I had sleep paralysis while seeing static everywhere. In the beginning, the positive thoughts didn't stop the discomfort, but they did prevent me from being owned by the discomfort or doubting myself.

    That evening, in the shower, I realized that what I was experiencing was the growth of only one person, and that I could try to have a ripple effect. Later, this led to sharing of wisdom and encouragement, and eventually Project Pansystellar. This stuff might be described in another post.

    The next day, at lunch, I did not have the strength to sit at the table with the McDonald's girl or at the table where I sat previously, so I sat far away by myself near a tree and facing a field of grass. In retrospect, this was the right choice. It was therapeutic. I had a huge need for rest.

    I developed a mindset of fully allowing and embracing this level of discomfort in me, just like falling when learning how to walk, or like recovering after intense workout. On the next day (March 21), I changed my senior quote submission from "I accept control over Lemmy's code to sabotage Reddit, not Lemmy" to "Try, mess up, have nauseating embarrasment. Better than no ambition."

    Before March 24, I had these thoughts:

    • All I did wrong (not morally wrong) was I didn't ask if the girl had a boyfriend (as mentioned earlier), and I didn't recognize the lack of sufficient connection after 2 or 3 times of sitting at her table at lunch. The idea that I messed up more severely was an illusion.
    • Reducing one's level of ambition is a poor substitute for tweaking the goal that is thought of. In other words, only change how the ambition is applied. (This turned out to be a important concept, and it's very fundamental to my design approach for the Pansystellar Architecture.) (In this situation, I decided to make my goal include finding a girl that I develop a deep enough connection with easily enough in the beginning. This did not fix everything, as you will see in a future post.)
    • Physical attraction, either to or from me, should be mostly ignored. (This one is not very useful, and it's probably false. The underlying problems can be solved differently, partly using things from my other posts.)

    Around a month later, I realized that my discomfort and doubt after finding out that the McDonald's girl had a boyfriend was probably mostly an attack from Satan, and that a person like me having the persistence needed for the path to marriage and parenthood is probably scary to Satan because it's a path to things that strongly oppose Satan's vision for society, including these things which all cause increased similarity to Jesus:

    • Obsession with the happiness of someone other than myself
    • Positively influencing the world through how I raise my children

    Eventually I knew that the motorcycle boy was surprised that I didn't know that the McDonald's girl had a boyfriend.

    I quickly began to see this as just a high school memory.

    Key ideas:

    • Don't treat uncertain information as very likely to be true (in this case, the girl having interest in me that I should act on).
    • Someone being interested in you is not necessarily a special and important situation. (Seeing your ability to do something that makes someone feel good is different)
    • Other people can overestimate your knowledge about someone.
    • An uncomfortable situation is not a forbidden situation.
    • Taking a break can be a good choice.
    • Think of the past and the future so you can recognize self-improvement and not falsely see your current situation as being disconnected from goodness. To be clear, you shouldn't try too hard to make your specific actions connect with a future goal.
    • Emotions don't accurately reveal something about you. Judge your actions and decisions using reason. Be skeptical of negative emotions.
    • Modify the mental system that ambition is applied to, instead of reducing the level of ambition. Resting is an exception to this.
    • Allow the present to be like a childhood memory.

    [^1]: On this day, I said a joke hoping it would impress girl 2 (in the same restaurant near Disneyland in which I wrote this comment).

    [^2]: On this day, in the shower, I thought about telling the McDonald's girl that I have a crush on her.

    Edit: to clarify, my discomfort was about the situation I perceived myself to be facing, not about the fact that the girl had a boyfriend

    Edit 2: something very important I forgot to mention: my transition into having less social anxiety than average might have happened around the end of this story

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    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    Internal harmony of what to care about

    Different things in your mind can care about different sets of things. An important example is your fear being disconnected from your inner state and your long term success. Harmony of these things is how to be free.

    0
    "Baebos", an alternative to "bae"
  • After anyone else but one's self

  • "Baebos", an alternative to "bae"
  • Downvoted by my aae (after anyone else)

  • Catholicism @lemmy.world dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    "Baebos", an alternative to "bae"

    Bae: before anyone else

    Baebos: before anyone else but our Savior

    5

    Help, I'm thinking of joining this video game development club, but they release source code without including a license 🤮

    github.com Video Game Development Club @ ASU

    Video Game Development Club @ ASU has 21 repositories available. Follow their code on GitHub.

    Video Game Development Club @ ASU
    2
    Political Memes @lemmy.world dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    POV: you polluted the Hudson River and now you have this sleep paralysis demon (RFK Jr)

    1
    Project Pansystellar lab @lemmy.ca dullbananas @lemmy.ca

    A thought about controlling feelings

    I should not have tried to directly resist feelings, but another thing I did which is good is lightly trying to make a tiny positive feeling become huge, which can do things like shifting focus and indirectly resisting exclusive attention. The only thing I can think of at the moment where I should advise resistance is if you feel negatively about someone being with someone else.

    Proper use of control over feelings will be in the Pansystellar Architecture for sure.

    Edit: also gotta stay away from lust

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    Girl 1 (I never said hi to her)
  • Did the mention of the Pansystellar Architecture confuse you?

  • *Permanently Deleted*
  • Dopamine receptor downregulation

  • Church of Jesus Christ
  • "I will build my church" - Jesus

  • Church of Jesus Christ
  • Which "Christians"?

  • The mask ban shit is unreal.
  • The doctor should have rambled about facial recognition

  • Church of Jesus Christ
  • No, it's referring to apolistic succession

  • Anti-Capitalist Affirmations
  • Why are these considered anti-capitalist?

  • "We are ready to hear your demands"
  • Is there a video?