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Plus_a_Grain_of_Salt @beehaw.org
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Today is my 5-year anniversary, and my husband canceled our trip

Today is my 5-year anniversary with my husband, we were planning on going on a camping trip to celebrate. He asked today if it was ok to cancel because a bad tooth had been causing him pain all last night. After talking about their refund policy, I told him it was ok to cancel if he was worried about it. We have a dentist appointment scheduled for him, but we couldn't get in before the trip.

He wants to make it up to me by taking me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant this weekend, and I feel bad for feeling a little disappointed. Its a nice restaurant, don't get me wrong, but I wanted to do something special or new for our 5-year. I want to ask to do something this weekend, but don't know what to ask for so last minute. So now I'm here asking if anyone has any ideas on what to do to celebrate, or if I should just keep my disappointment to myself? What would you do?

1
The name of this sub is racist or is recreating structural racism
  • Hold on I'm a fool, the more I think about your point of context the more I realize I missed the point. There's no indication this is normalizing the language, but rather a mockery or a parody of the language and by extension the ideology of a "master race" in general. Which is honestly a great way to combat racist ideology, apply them to some inconsequential to display its absurdity.

    The only real challenge, and what I think needs to be considered, is the same thing you mentioned in your second comment; failure to recognize the joke is on ideology not in support. So, the responsibility comes in recognizing when the context shifts to support for these values and shutting that down or separating yourself accordingly. If the community is able to uphold it's parody without lending support it may be beneficial to continue using these terms only to turn the language itself into a joke. Thanks @[email protected] I wouldn't have gotten here without your solid points. I'm leaving my above responses so people can see how I walk through this reasoning, but I wanted to be sure you saw that your points reached me and made a difference. Thanks again.

  • The name of this sub is racist or is recreating structural racism
  • I understand people mean it as a meme or a joke, I guess I question whether or not it excuses the use. Saying "It's just a joke" is a common response to things like this, but if the outcome is still the same does it matter if it's a joke? While context matters to understand intent, does that intent address the consequence of normalizing this language? Or does it just excuse normalizing the language? I appreciate jokes just as much as the next person, but there's still a matter of responsibility when joking. To me it's the same as pranking someone, you have to be considerate for a prank to go well, and saying "it's just a prank" doesn't excuse the outcome. I understand other people don't want to take language seriously when their joking, but that doesn't make their joking harmless.

  • The name of this sub is racist or is recreating structural racism
  • Thank you for bringing up the other terminology issues, it really shows this is a bigger question than just one concerned person on the internet. I think it's good to question these terms so that the language may develop with greater intention and awareness. I noticed there is a knee jerk reaction to saying this is no big deal, but I think it would do us good to ask why we're so quick to excuse language that originates from racist ideals. Things likes discrimination and genocide all start with language, so why do we avoid the responsibility of moving away from these ideas? Just some food for thought.

  • important rulepost
  • Oh I'm so glad with same page. There's definitely a lot to learn with life expectation, especially when seeing a supposedly developed nation dip, that's unprecedented. But don't worry, this is the kind of stuff one never stops learning. I have a degree in political science, I still feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about, but we can try right

  • important rulepost
  • You beat me to the punch regarding the US life expectancy rate lol, but I kinda agree with both of you right now. Life expectancy can imply quality of certain aspects of life; like medical care and availability, but it isn't the end all be all to a quality life. To me it's just a factor, not a determining factor.

  • why I ended up leaving Reddit today
  • I just wanted to bring up something I hated about reddit that no one mentioned, just to get it out of my system; ask a reasonable question? Prepare to be mass downvoted. Like why? Who is downvoting this? How did that offend you? I'd understand if they were framed weirdly or completely unrelated to the issue, but a reasonable on topic question shouldn't get that treatment.

  • why I ended up leaving Reddit today
  • Man, your comment almost made me cry at work. Thank you for sharing, I never realized the connection between toxic communities and verbal abuse. You've made me realize I've been letting my own bad history influence my perspective. I've been hard on myself for having the same feelings as Bermuda towards reddit. I couldn't tell if the community really is as bitter and short fused as it felt, or if I was being too sensitive. I thought feeling bad about what strangers said on the internet was weak of me. I realize now I'm probably just being hard on myself. People can be major assholes, and it doesn't make you weak to notice their bad behavior.

  • Whats a game that everybody seems to love that you cant stand for one reason or another?
  • Honestly, Animal Crossing (new & old). What's sad is it really is a fun game if you have a good attention span and no depression. I have a hard time keeping basic routines so logging into a game regularly was really challenging for me. By the time I'm reminded of the game it'd be weeks or months since I touched it. In the old game this meant everything you worked on has been undone and you have roaches. The newer one is better about overgrowing weeds and I haven't got roaches yet, but the neighbors notice your disappearance and have some things to say about it. Last time I logged on one of the characters was so personally slighted by my disappearance I just logged out after the conversation. I haven't logged on since. When I can keep up with it, it's fun and cute. When I can't I'm made to feel guilty for hurting the feelings of an unsympathetic AI. At least my friends in real life understand depression and it's ability to steal my motivation. I do miss Sherb tho.