Confused Elon Musk Accidentally Kills Female Employee and Impregnates Monkey

Not believable in that he admits to a mistake. My man Lonnie prefers to double down.

I had to check and see if it was an onion article.

Damn Onion, leave some weights for the rest of us, king.

Hate when that happens

I believed it for a split second and it was glorious.

On the bright side, the monkey can’t tell anybody and most of my employees are scheduled to die anyway.

Absolutely brutal

At press time, sources reported that another unfortunate schedule mixup had caused Musk to lay off several SpaceX rockets and jettison thousands of Twitter employees into space.