Transplant feeling really lost
Transplant feeling really lost
I'm not sure what I'm hoping to get out of this, but I thought I might shout into the void for a moment. I'm a lifelong Midwesterner, but I've always tended to live in larger, college-type cities with a notable liberal leaning. Two and half years ago, my partner and I moved to central Iowa so I could return to college and get my degree. This was my decision, as was the choice of school. There is a good, relatively inexpensive degree program for an uncommon field, and my partner has friends in the area. I love our home and my school, those choices I don't regret.
But, I hate Iowa so much. It's so overwhelmingly mediocre. Except for the politics, which frankly are abhorrent and are getting worse by the day. It's a cultural wasteland, even in a college city. Even on campus, I don't think Ive ever been anywhere with so many white people, and I say that as a white person. The restaurants have little variation, the shops are all big boxes. Even Des Moines is only the size of Madison, WI, and without hardly any of the personality (yes, the East Village is nice and we love the botanical garden, but that only goes so far). The landscape is flat and unchanging, and the only beauty, the prairie, has almost entirely been stripped away to plant more corn. So much corn across unending flat, treeless terrain.
It also doesn't help that I have been completely unable to make any fiends here. Friendly acquaintances, sure, but not someone I can grab a beer with and kvetch about life with. I'm in my early 40's, as is my partner, and we are happily child-free and non-religious. So, there go two major ways of meeting people around here: kids and church. My partner is from Iowa, although not this area, and has a circle of 5 or so guys that have been friends since college that live in the area and they get together weekly to play games. I am welcome to join them whenever, and I do sometimes, but they are people with his interests, not mine. I've tried Meetup a few times, alone and with my partner. I'm a student, but 20 years older than all my fellow students, and with life and work experience closer to my professors, who I'm not allowed to be friends with. All our neighbors are retired (or close) conservatives with whom we have a polite but distant relationship. I've looked for crafting communities to try to find a hobby group, but only find old lady quilting clubs meeting in churches in the small towns nearby. I'm outgoing and talkative, and have a variety of interests, so I'm not used to being in an environment where I literally can't make any friends.
I'm going crazy in a place I feel like an alien in. I've never been so lonely and felt so isolated in my life, even during COVID. I still have a few years here while I finish my degree, so I have to make peace with my choice and find a way to exist here. Surely there has to be a way for a liberal person to find a community in central Iowa?
I feel your pain. I have a couple suggestions: look around for mutual aid organizations. I'm involved with my local Food Not Bombs chapter here in Cleveland and it's a good time. We serve vegetarian food to the community for free no questions asked. I see Des Moines has an active chapter. This is a very good way to meet other progressive people and form strong bonds with them while also serving the community.
That tracks with anyone I knew from Iowa. The best remedy is likely going to be to leave when you finish school and find somewhere that offers the things you want.
In the meantime, go to the internet. Places like Twitch have a ton of different options in a wide variety of interests that you can get some interaction on. It may not be perfect and it may not be in person, but sometimes just having another person talking is helpful.
Another thought, if you're in the position to get a pet, they can help. I'm about as introverted and disliking of being around people as you can get, but after a couple of years of work from home, I had to admit I needed another living thing to be around me.
Beyond that, if you like crafts, look for local crafting stores or hobby shops. They often host craft/hobby nights where people can come and stitch or knit or whatever together. But you're not likely to get a population different than what the population already is.
I don't have any ideas for you, but still think I should say that you've been heard. I feel for you.
The driftless area around Dubuque is pretty cool. My family likes Okoboji. I probably went to college the same place you are now, or at least drank with people from there. The rest of the state can die in a fire.
I'd say to look for organizations in the area like Kiwanis or Rotary. They do charitable work and are a great way to connect with others. They're big in my town of Ames, so I suspect they are in others too.
Sorry to dig up an old post, I only just now thought to go find the Iowa community.
I'm in a somewhat similar boat, recent-ish transplant from WA, born in IA, but left at about 7 or 8. Not in college or married. I feel like the only person in the area that isn't a fucking stereotype. Thankfully, though pretty conservative, my family I moved near to all dislike talking politics, so that's less of an issue, but making friends is basically impossible because I'm not a country-listening, boot wearing, cowboy hat redneck. I've also got health concerns that make living closer to the cities not a great option due to the cost of medicine eating into what I could spend on rent. BUT being close to family (especially my mother) again after so many years has been a lot better for my mental health, so the trade off wasn't all bad.
As a lifelong resident of Iowa I can definitely agree with you on many of these points. Furthermore as someone in their late thirties I took struggle to make new acquaintances other than my core group who I've known since childhood. What type of crafts are you interested in? A friend of mine is very active in the SCA here in the state although they're more in eastern Iowa they used to live in the central Iowa area.