I'm super frustrated with how our governments treat us.
I'm super frustrated with how our governments treat us.
Since my family doctor appointment two days ago, I've been really angry.
I live in Canada and to have HRT in my province you need dysphoria. I'm in my thirties and they require me to see a psychologist to diagnose me with dysphoria. I do have dysphoria but it is not as strong as most other MTFs. And I'm not that feminine, I'm more tomboyish. For example I love wearing a beanie in winter and a baseball cap during summer. I don't want to have to suffer through all the trouble of seeing a psychologist for HRT. I feel like I should be able to make my own decisions about my body. I just want to access the treatment I need without jumping through hoops. It's already hard enough to come to terms with my gender identity. I don't want to have to go through an additional process of talking to a psychologist and being judged by them.
I'm afraid they won't let me have HRT because I'm a tomboy. It's not fair to have to justify my identity and gender expression to someone who doesn't understand what I'm struggling with. As a tomboy, I'm worried that I won't be accepted as a transgender woman, and that my gender expression won't be taken seriously.
I'm scared that I won't be given the medical care I need, and have to prove my identity to receive it. I want to be able to access HRT without having to prove who I am. I want to be respected and accepted for who I am, without having to explain myself... And I'm sure they'll use my schizophrenia against me.
As someone diagnosed with schizophrenia, I'm worried that it will be used against me in terms of accessing medical care and being accepted as a transgender woman. People may not take my gender expression seriously, or may use my mental health diagnosis to invalidate my identity.
I hate this planet...I hate my life
It is always morally correct to lie to get the healthcare you need. That's an important lesson that every trans person learns. Do not even think of uttering anything about self-harm or suicide. Do not tell them you're schizophrenic if they don't know already. Do not entertain them that any other mental health diagnosis pertains to your dysphoria. Tell them you're horrifically dysphoric if you need to. If they fuck with you about the way you present yourself, tell them you're scared of violence if you don't pass. Even if that's not a real problem you have. If they ask you about a family history of blood clots or something do not say you don't know, they will delay you by weeks or months while they pretend to have looked into it. Tell them no if you don't know. Don't tell them yes even if you do, you'll have the same risk as a cis woman. Lie to them, it works.
Also don't treat your conditions like a confession, it changes the way everyone perceives you. When you talk to other people about your being trans or queer make it a statement or anything that can't be leveraged against you. Same with schizophrenia, BPD, or just about any other mental health diagnosis. Your first lines pave the way for every interaction past that point.
Due to my schizophrenia, i have something called poverty of speech (alogia). I know i won't be able to lie and express myself in a way that is understandable.
Poverty of speech is a symptom of schizophrenia characterized by difficulty producing meaningful speech. We have difficulty finding the words we need to communicate. If a question is asked, I usually answer it with a yes or no. Beyond that, I do not speak. I can't...
OP, while absolutely you should do what you need to do to get the treatment you deserve, I really hope you can find a doctor and psychologist who will trust you and with whom you can be honest as this is absolutely the safest way. Is there a possibility of getting recommendations for good practitioners from other trans people in your area who've been through it before?
The idea of needing dysphoria to truly be trans is odd to me. Why do you need to hate yourself to be valid? Wouldn't it make more sense to define yourself on what you love about yourself? (Euphoria) I'm not saying that anyones dysphoria isn't valid. Just that dysphoria is only one side of the coin.