Hot dogs

I've tried this in every plant-based food community I've ever been part of, but I'll try here too.

In the years I've been plant-based, there remains one comfort food I have not yet ever found a satisfying substitute for. I can live without bacon, I can live without tuna, I can even live without chicken wings (though that one does still slip into my dreams sometimes), but I have not yet found anything that satisfies my desire for hot dogs.

There are hundreds of substitutes for them out there. I've tried all the big brands. The problem, in my opinion, is that meat-based hot dogs are essentially a perfect matrix of fat and salt. I don't think the meat flavour has much to do with it at all, which is a big part of why this whole thing drives me so crazy. Every plant-based hot dog I've ever had tastes like health food.

I've found a good substitute while camping... plant-based burgers cooked over a fire in a special cage holder are delicious. However, they're not hot dogs and I want hot dogs dangit, it should be possible.

So, in the hopes that I'll finally find the answer, has anyone found some new entry or some secret contender that drips unhealthy plant-based grease into the fire, that contains enough salt to make me a little bit scared?