A bowl filled with vinegar and/or saltwater in the middle of the room. If your hand touches someone else's as you both reach for it, it's only polite to strike up a conversation as one of you cleans up.
I as an American bidet convert can only say: bro it will change your life.
They aren't expensive, they are easy to install, and don't listen to this warm water propaganda, that cool water (I live in the northern parts so I mean COOL) is refreshing and great.