Sometimes you need more than just yourself to get to a better place.

Not long before creating this subreddit my wife passed away.

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It's been a tough couple years since then but something has changed for me. I have found someone to spend time with, got to go on a trip, and started something to help me sleep, relieve pain, and feel a little bit better. I am not a person who likes taking anything as many family members have been some sort of addict. I saw their lives go to crap over what they enjoyed and now they are either deceased or in prison and their kids are on a pretty bad path as well.

With that said I have to say that sometimes you have to get outside help, especially if you have thoughts of self harm. A trusted friend, a pastor, a counselor, random people, a partner, someone, anyone.... You also need to potentially be willing to go to a doctor and get some help that way as well. I don't advocate the "a pill for everything and for everything a pill" lifestyle that the drug corporations want you to have. But if you are not sleeping, in constant pain, or dealing with major depression after a loss you deserve a little relief. I have a general bedtime routine that includes taking something to help me sleep and something for pain. Taking that gives my mind a little bit of a reprieve which helps the depression to lessen a little bit. A couple days ago something happened and I felt full of energy, happiness, and contentment. I don't know exactly what happened but it was like a switch flipped and everything is right in the world. I can honestly say I don't really ever remember feeling this good.

So PLEASE look for some outside help. I talked to strangers quite a bit and have found someone I enjoy being with whom I can also talk with about things. With that and the medication I feel like a changed person and hope that it lasts for the rest of my life since I have already spent most of it so far feeling like nothing will go right for me.