Thermonuclear Wisconsin Man Found, Recruited Into The Central Intelligence Agency

After a long investigation on the man responsible for the Thermonuclear attack in Wisconsin, the investigation was concluded by finding the person responsible.

The man goes by many names, and the man prefers to call himself in whatever suits his needs, but the most common name appears to be "Wisconcom" or "Wenger". The writings from the investigation seem to reflect his overall personality, being arrogant and on a quest stated by God to destroy an obscure forum website known as 'Lemmygrad'.

After the thermonuclear man was taken into custody, there was an interrogation report on the man, with several statements being made by the thermonuclear man. "I can't stand tankies and dengists." the thermonuclear man stated sternly. "Prolewiki must be reconstituted, it must be anti-revisionist," the thermonuclear man stated in an almost maniacal manner. Referring to another obscure wikimedia site known as 'Prolewiki', a website which espouses genocide denial and support for oppression of yogurts.

After the several interviews conducted by the police, the thermonuclear man was willing to collaborate with the United States Central Intelligence Agency, in order to "own the tankies and dengists", the thermonuclear man said. His last words before the interview ended, stating: "I will go thermonuclear again. I can't stand these dengists and tankies. These social-imperialist dengist social-fash khrushchevite revisionists must be destroyed!"

"Noting the terminology he stated, he appears to be 'terminally online', which is useful for coordinating attacks against the communist ideology", a CIA operative stated.

We have attempted to contact the thermonuclear man, but no replies have been made. We also attempted to contact the CIA operative but no further replies have been made.