my gf is hardly ever online and prefers games
my gf is hardly ever online and prefers games
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/22098369
(found this community more fitting because im a lesbian, also because I see people get downvoted a lot in advice communities despite being made for advice)
she’s just not a very active person online. when she is, shes only active in group chats with her friends.
usually, she talks about video games, and is actually offline because she plays video games almost all the time.
is there any way to salvage the relationship? she’s too focused on her interests to be interested in mine, and like I said, is almost always playing games so we barely talk aside from: “hi ❤️” “Hi sweetie ❤️” “hru??” “Good, just playing games, you?” “good :)) im listening to music” and then the conversation ends because she doesn’t message first and is busy with the other stuff.
(i have tried talking to her and she says she’s usually busy. shes either genuinely busy, busy with games, or in a bad mood and doesn’t feel like talking [sad/tired])
she either types “oh!” “…/.” or “erm what 😨” when i say smth
also, shes quite dry around me, often giving like one word responses and only being super energetic around her friends and when posting about video games.
idk if she’s actually just busy or making excuses, since shes usually talking to her friends or other partner (open relationships)
It seems like you guys sort of lost that spark. If she doesn’t value you and values video games, she either needs some space and time alone or isn’t good for you.
Is your girlfriend by any chance autistic? I don’t mean this in a rude way, just curious, because it would make sense why she only focuses on her video game interests.
I get what you are saying, and autism might be a reason but not an excuse. I agree with you that it doesn't seem like the girlfriend values the relationship. Maybe she is young and doesn't realize the effort you have to put into relationships, but if she doesn't want to make the effort nothing will change. It sucks, but it seems like these two people are not on the same page.
she questions neurodivergence but not diagnosed
Gaming consumes time and brain power. Don't expect a dedicated gamer to socialize too much in aspects other than the games they play or are interested in.
If you wanna talk, you gotta bring it. They won't because they can't. Their mind is blank in topics other than their games.
It's a mini world they live in and you're the connection with the outside. Think of it as keeping them up-to-date.
Anyway, this is in the scenario that your relationship is still relatively good.
If the relationship is going cold, this effort, should you choose to accept it, might end up doing nothing to stop the decline.
she never offers to play video games w me, I’ve tried talking to her abt getting into them and she just doesn’t socialize :(
plus she’s obsessed with guys and has love notes about (male actors or ai men, i would assume) in her notes and when i flirtatiously ask who she’s talking about, she acts guilty and says she can’t tell me ??
she says one of them is her bf and makes sexual comments about him, also says he got her pregnant
Sounds.. complicated.
I recommend you take the time to confront your feelings and decide whether it's worth pursuing this kind of relationship.
Deeply ingrained habits tend to relapse periodically even if one tries to reform, so what you're experiencing now might end up repeating itself in the long run. It takes a strong will to become a strong person.
If you don't want to deal with this sort of personality flaw, then it's alright to have a change of heart. A relationship can't be one-sided, it will crush the other side.
Sorry, but this is a red flag 🚩
If you ask her who she’s talking to/about when she’s being romantic with someone and she says she can’t tell you, that sounds like cheating. Are you sure this was an AI or just her way to justify talking to someone?
If she was jokingly flirting with a friend or just saying she liked an actor, she would most likely tell you that and the context.
Sounds like
A. She is actually bi and lost interest in you
B. She was bi-curious but realized she’s not interested in women but rather than telling you/her other GF that, she stayed in a relationship to avoid confrontation.
Wat? No. This is neither normal nor ok.
Like, some people aren't very communicative on their phone but love real interaction. But it sounds more like this girl is... not good to be around. Online or otherwise. Since you are polyamorous you can just start dating other women. You aren't really required to break it off now. This is of course not good relationship advice - just advice for this particular situation that you find yourself in.
I feel the "consumed by video games to the exclusion of all else", one of the reasons I don't date is I don't think I could give a partner the time and attention they deserve and that it takes to make a relationship work. Also, I find it difficult to spend time with people without a shared activity to do. ADHD and/or other neurodivergent problems. Does she know you feel she's neglecting you?
idk, she seems to give her other partner attention and plays the games w her. they have the same opinions and interests so even tho my gf said she likes my interests, she never is actually interested in what i like :( only what she does
Hypothetical question for you. If she behaved like that when you first met her, would you want to date her? It sounds like she's no longer interested in you but isn't comfortable breaking it off or doesn't even really realize it herself. I'm not a good person for giving advice, so I won't, but ask yourself if your relationship with her is something you really want to continue.