Taken in by addicts who then cause intractable severe burnout
Taken in by addicts who then cause intractable severe burnout
Normally I tend to write massive walls of text, but it's Tuesday morning, I just woke up, and the drunks I live with - my friends, who give me this place to stay, as I ended up here after losing my home due to autistic burnout - are already partying. And I'm just so fucking sick of it. The nonstop chaos. Adults in their 30s, 40s, and even their parents in their 60s and 70s acting like idiot frat boys. The inability to maintain a sleep cycle, or ever know who the fuck will be in the house. Not knowing if the bathroom was suddenly "cleaned" at 2am due to a puke scene like something out of The Exorcist, or whether it was just because some drunk got a wild hair and decided to remove all the towels in the middle of the night.
There is so much more, of course, including the usual NT bullshit of blaming me for my problems when in reality, I know what I need to do in order to be healthy, and I'm consistently blocked from it by people who have devoted their lives to substance abuse.
The worst part of it all is watching their kids get the short end, because their parents are more concerned with being drunk than with being present. I love those kids. And there's very little I can do about it - doubly so because their drunk parents leave me so fucking burned out that I just don't have the energy.
As for me personally, I've been stuck like this for four years. I've almost built a way out - slowly and painfully collected all the gear so I can work from my car (I do remote tech, but am completely unable to think at the house). My car is so close to exploding in a million pieces it's not even funny, so that's the next challenge. All the gear works, but if that car dies I'm right back to square one with no safety valve to get the fuck away from these people.
I guess this became a wall of text, but my main intent was to kick off a vent thread for anyone who's been in this situation.
Came back around to update: my mood improved greatly after I woke up and was able to take more control. I hid from the ongoing hangout and re-sorted all my gear such that I can now load an entire mess kit (including stove & fuel), and a full daytime hammock setup, into my car in 1 box each, which makes it far easier for me to just leave for the day when things are not going my way at the house.
That gear, plus my tech backpack of laptop, VPN router with LTE capability, large power bank, various cables & chargers etc, is what I referred to in the original post, been painstakingly collecting for several years. All of it was to get me where I am now, namely, able to do my kind of work in my way, even if it's not possible where I live, even if I'm starting in a (hopefully soon to be defeated) catch-22 of environmentally driven burnout which makes jumping straight into full time or even part time traditional employment a pipe dream.
I just now arrived at the threshold of getting out of this long burnout, so it's ironic that I felt the need to complain so much now, but peeps, this shit is hard. I can feel it physically aging my body much faster than what it should be. To say nothing of my mind and heart. I hope anybody going thru something similar may find something illuminating in my post & followup.