Regression/Food
Regression/Food
The stress of a divorce and the rising tide of fascism have caused me to seriously regress in self care skills over the past few years. I am currently struggling with eating/“meal planning.” I am intellectually capable of understanding what is necessary to grocery shop/plan out meals, and used to be able to do so, but am struggling with executive dysfunction to the point where I cannot.
For the past two years, my diet has been fast food, chips, beer and candy. I had a few “safe foods” - specific brands of frozen meals that were reliable, but of late they are not working. Eg, I have been lying on the floor for the past five hours feeling absolutely famished, have considered going to the refrigerator and making one of the frozen meals that is usually “safe” - and am utterly incapable of doing so. I don’t think I could even eat it if I made it.
I’m guessing this is autism - I’m guessing I’m autistic - but there has never been any means for me to be evaluated. I have talked to my therapist about this, and have not really found the advice helpful.
The most effective thing has been stocking up on things like lunchables to at least get calories in. Sometimes even lunchables will stop being “safe” though. It gets harder to function when I’m hungry, so I get caught in a loop of lying in bed hungrier and hungrier. I know I can’t live off of gas station pizza and Monster, but there have been days where that’s all I feel capable of eating.
I've found with my ADHD friends, as well as my (autistic, bipolar, ?maybe adhd?) self, that "doing something for others" is somehow easier than doing it just for myself. That might put into perspective why it felt easier to make meals before a divorce. Feel like there's a way to hack that quirk, solo, but haven't figured it out exactly yet.
Coming a bit from the opposite angle-- I haven't eaten well for my entire life, and I'm trying to learn how to create a diet on my own, from scratch.
I rely on a lot of soup. Just cut veggies, freeze them. Dump them all in broth when I have energy. Spices are "whatever feels right." Cutting and cooking does not need to be on the same day. Very simple, gets me veggies, reliable. It's something to build from. Does not require much planning.
Not necessarily autism, but I can certainly relate so maybe. It sounds like you might need to detox from the news and social media for a bit. You might need some help getting over your divorce but you have imediate control over how much politics you see. Dont believe the hype, your life will go on perfectly well if you ignore the political fanfare. You dont have a responsibility to stay informed and fight for change, that shit is optional. Just look after yourself first of all as it sounds like thats what you need right now.
You would probably get some good tips from an ADHD community, though the tips here have been good too.
I think you're overwhelmed, which is probably obvious but it may help to state it plainly. When I'm overwhelmed, it helps if I give myself permission to just drop everything for a bit. Whatever stuff I think I need to get done isn't going to get done anyway and stressing about it isn't helping, so I take a breather. Then I start with just basic self care, however much I can manage. I can't stand going without a shower so that's a first. Eating might wait if it's really bad, but I have some meal replacement shakes for emergencies when I really can't do anything else. I'll probably isolate and ignore people for a little bit, but if I do it right I start to feel up to talking before too many days go by. But by dropping everything and then adding it back one thing at a time, I stop feeling so overwhelmed.
The world finds a way to keep on going even as we sit still and catch our breath. Trauma and anxiety just make us feel like we might die if we don't do the things, even though it's almost never that dire. We have very intense feelings - and it is important to give yourself space to feel and process them - but they are just temporary feelings and you do not have to believe them.
I think meal replacement shakes are really helpful when you’re stuck in a headspace like this. I’m talking things like Soylent, Huel, etc.
If you buy the powder in bulk it is much more affordable than fast food and quite easy to prepare.
People will argue that they’re worse than whole foods, which is true, but it’s still much better than nothing, lunchables, gas station food, snacks, etc.
Beyond that I think the best thing is to try and reduce the scope of what you want to accomplish so it doesn’t feel overwhelming. Instead of worrying about making food for 3 meals a day everyday. Try instead to make one meal and go from there.
The meal replacement shakes are a good idea. I should have thought of that.
I’ve fallen into basically a pattern of not eating all day, then getting home and then drinking/getting stoned to binge. I could see the shakes making the binging better.
It’s unbelievably frustrating. I fed three people, meal planned, cooked. Didn’t have problems doing dishes. Didn’t have problems cleaning up trash. My apartment should look nice, I should be able to feed myself. When I talk to my therapist she’s like, “you know what you need to do so just do it” - and I just fucking can’t.
Hey, AuDHD person here. Absolutely feel what you're saying, been struggeling a lot with this again lately, sometimes the eating/grocery shopping issues are worse depending on my mental state.
Thought I would just comment on what you wrote here about your habit of not eating all day. I often do this too especially as I am not really hungry unil midday, or at least I cannot have breakfast as most people would. I noticed however, that I can eat a tiny amount of fruit, half an apple or banana, which then leads to me actually eating around midday more likely or me actually getting hungry a bit later. It's basically what I learned to prevent me from skipping meals all day and its quick and easy. Maybe it helps
My safe foods currently are rice crackers with peanut butter, apples and instant noodels. I have a jar with a mix of nuts and dried fruits always on display as well.
Don't pressure yourself too much with all the stuff you think you should do. Give yourself time and acceptance that you're not able to do it right now. The more you think about it, the worse it usually gets. Not sure if this is good advice but if you can't tidy up, don't. At least in my case sometimes I can't do these things well so usually, I just go with it and accept it, so I just have a few bad days and embrace that I have a few really fucked up days but it also usually changes after a few days and I'm sick of how messy everything is and my tidy side kicks in again. , so I can at least get back to normal level of clean and tidy and keep the extra-household stuff for when my depression gets better. Could be that this is a ADHD causing and Autism helping thing, not sure.
Maybe try wokring on a different strategy with your therapist. Obviously the current one doesn't help but instead makes you feel worse, which isn't ideal.
Maybe it's also about place, so maybe a change in surrounding would be good. Maybe going out and eat in a park or in a restaurant would help, or taking a walk before trying to prepare foods. Maybe you need to change something in your apartment so you get in the mood to sit on a dining table again or being in the kitchen. Reading about your situation, I can imaginge those places are maybe the ones that make you feel very vulnerable and sad as they might remind you of your ex and kids. So maybe try to make your kitchen a happy place again, but your happy place. Put something to look at that makes you happy etc.
If you can, try and go outside for walks in nature and find joy in small things, a bird singing maybe. Find some new hobbies that make you happy. I know this is hard, as usually you lose interest in everything with depression, but it will help improve your well-being.
And if you can't do all of this, accept it, maybe you're not yet ready for it mentally. There will be a time for it however, so keep this in mind.
Besides that, hope you can find some inner peace soon. Not the best times currently, so maybe try to avoid everything that makes you downward spiral, esp. world news. It's not likely that something too dramatic will happen that effects your life directly and drastically as this politics is nothing but a big shit show, so they can live without your attention for a few weeks.
Forces, friend. Depression can cause this too, and of course it can be both -and often is-, but at least it's much easier to get help with depression and usually the doctors want to rule that out first. Could also be ADHD. Some meds work for depression and ADHD. If you can, try to go and see a doctor. Ask a friend or a family member to help book the appointment and come with you to the clinic if it feels overwhelming. Even some help is better than none. If you have someone you could trust to help you with grocery shopping, that could make a huge difference. Some stores also do home deliveries - going to a grocery store is super draining and it's difficult to think of anything to eat when you are overwhelmed.
You've been through a lot, and the world around is crumbling, which really doesn't make coping with personal hardship any easier. It's okay to not make the best choices, for now you are surviving. You are doing your best!
My easy to make safe foods are: noodle salad (rice noodles, lettuce, cucumber, carrot, cilantro, fried tofu with teriyaki sauce and some peanut sauce on top); "oven bread/pizza bread" or grilled sandwich, just put anything on them; tortillas (greens, some protein with spices, sauces); tortilla pizzas from leftover tortillas; raw porridge (basically muesli and oat milk, if there's seeds or nuts or yoghurt then maybe those, let sit in the fridge overnight). When I was really burned out I used to just cook pasta and put instant sauce in the same pan, maybe add soy or beans or something.
Making a sandwitch has always been my go-to meal when I can't think of anything. I always keep some frozen bread that I can just reheat, put cheese, mayo, chicken, whatever, and eat it.
"Rising tide of fascism"
Anyway I would look at simple easy to make meals. Think 20min low prep.