STANFORD, CA—Concluding that the window in which to give themselves a little pat on the back was rapidly closing, a report released Monday by Stanford University found that Americans needed to cut carbon emissions by 3% in order to tell themselves they did their best. “It’s clear that as the planet ...
Oh Onion, why you gotta be so on point all the time.
At press time, Sikora warned that if the United States failed to act now, it would have no plausible deniability for the death and destruction that record-breaking storms, heat, floods, and drought will inevitably bring.