Sucked my first cock today and not sure how to feel. Please help!
Sucked my first cock today and not sure how to feel. Please help!
Been into sissy porn, captions, etc for a few years. Ever since the pandemic I started to consume more porn and started to really crave being a sissy, suck a cock and being fucked. It got to the point where I opened a kik and started flirting with men online to make them cum.
Given how much fun and horny that made me I finally caved and decided to get grindr, message a few men until one made me feel safe enough and we agreed to meet up on his lunch break. He came over, pulled his cock out, I got on my knees and began to suck. I was a proper porn whore, his cock was all sloppy from my spit by the time he finished in my mouth and I drank it all.
I’m not exactly having regrets but I also don’t feel anything in particular. Like it felt hollow, my cock never even got hard during the blow job (though I did make a wet spot in my panties). I don’t know if I just hyped it up too much in my head because of all the hypno and captions saying I would feel addicted. So now I’m just wondering if I really am a sissy or this was just a fantasy that should be kept online. Any opinions or insights are appreciated
These things are definitely over hyped in the hypnos and captions, I find it fun, but I definitely feel like it's one thing that isn't always talked about a lot.
For one, it seems like you don't have any regrets or feel grossed out, so it's probably safe to say you are at least attracted to men.
There's a few questions I think you should ask yourself now:
Do you enjoy dressing up/does it excite you?
Do you enjoy being submissive to men? Even in just roleplay?
If the answer to both of those is yes, then you probably are, or at least some sort of femme person.
Maybe the fact that it was super unceremonious made it kind of a bust.
I know certain things for me are only enjoyable if I can tell the other person is loving it, or there was certain build up to a moment. Maybe you're the same way.
I do consider myself non-binary and do enjoy dressing up even beyond just feeling excited or aroused from it. I wasn’t dressed up for that experience, other than me wearing panties and having shaved.
However your reply has helped me put into perspective, I do enjoy being submissive even in roleplay to both men (in RP since this was my first ever experience with one) and women, who I’ve been with before and always enjoy them taking charge.
And no, I don’t feel grossed out nor do I regret sucking a cock, I just have fears of being exposed which I think are fairly normal in this situation with a complete stranger. I do think your last point is key here, there was no talk and other than when he grabbed me to bust his load, I couldn’t even tell if I was doing a good job.
I think your assessment is accurate here, as someone who has experienced the same thing. It might be beneficial to try meeting up with someone whom you feel a connection with and is willing to take the time to communicate effectively.
My read on this is that it was a quick and impersonal hookup with the only goal essentially being a quickie during lunch to get their rocks off.
I get how a lot of captions and fantasies out there are about being objectified, used, and "thrown away", but I'm of the belief that foreplay and teasing needed if you truly want to enjoy yourself.
Give it another try but instead of a quick blowjob during a lunch break where you immediately get on your knees, how about some clothed kissing and teasing before you ultimately get on your knees and service the cock.
I felt similar to you when I first did it (but yours worked out in the end). My one experience with a guy was very disappointing. The chats made it sound promising. But he showed up in a rush looking trashy in sweatpants and work boots which was a bad look compared to his pictures (even after just showering), he had just smoked a cigarette on his drive over (no offense to smokers but ew) so he smelled strongly of that when he claimed he didn't smoke, I got past that and was blowing him at first (and liking it) but then he stopped me to try and blow me (which I never said I wanted and was maybe the most aggressive, teeth involved and just bad BJ I've ever gotten and I made him stop right away), and I finally worked up the courage to say he could fuck me to get it over with and then he "discovered" he forgot a condom and only brought lube when I said condom only.
So I immediately got turned off, the fantasy stopped and I sent him home. I think because of the internet and all these sissy hypno captions/memes a lot of guys just think all sissies are back alley sluts who have zero standards, are fine with doing literally any sex act/getting STDs and want to be treated like trash. And I find that to be the worst part of all of these online communities because that's NOT a healthy perspective to have. You look through some of the subs on Reddit and it's like it's 70% hairy masculine gay guys with an obsession for humiliation, anonymous forced sex and name calling with no interest in being feminine/sissy. And then the rest are actual girly Sissies who don't view themselves as a bad gay joke sex toy to be abused and called a removed cum dumpster by literally everyone in the community. It feels like that mindset isn't respected at all in general though and I do not get it. I think you need to find a guy who is more respectful, cares about making you feel feminine/sexy and takes his time.
It’s normal not to get hard. How long has it been since the experience? It’s normal to feel this way too. You figure out what you like. Give it time. Maybe you’re horny for dick again later and it’s more fun the second time. Hypno is over-exaggeration. It’s hot in the moment but you can’t take any of it seriously. Real life’s always different :)
It’s been about 4 and a half hours now. I do think I simply over hyped it and bought into all the hypno and captions. Put the imagined experience on a pedestal and when it wasn’t that, it was like it all came crashing down.
Nah you’re overthinking it. Give it a couple days. Likely the memory of it all settles better than how it’s feeling now. For me it was the same way. After sucking my first cock I felt weird and like not excited but as time went on I felt better about the whole thing. To the point where I’m craving it again 🥵
My opinion may be biased, since I'm a Dom, but I think that other commenters nailed it:
- It was a quicky, that's why you didn't feel anything deep. It seems that you need a longer term or at least better prep'd relations. It is still possible to do it "hypno" style - use, abuse and throw away, but with caring dom it will feel deeper.
- Give it some time to settle. And look for some other stories / experience from other sissies not on porn sites, but in communities.
At least now you can brag about it, if you want :) And to some degree it is a milestone - first successful IRL encounter. It takes courage to admit and try, so congrats are in order - 🎉