I seriously hate that lots of men believe "women like to be abused". It's also troubling that people tolerate this type of thinking so casually. (more in the post)
I seriously hate that lots of men believe "women like to be abused". It's also troubling that people tolerate this type of thinking so casually. (more in the post)
It always comes from the "nice guys" type. But it is also commonly said on TV that women love douchebags and therefore love being abused. In an episode of Family Guy, Quagmire or Brian tells Stewie that women enjoy being abused, so mistreating them will get them a girlfriend. This idea is obviously wrong and damaging. It perpetuates the idea that women are weak and need to be mistreated in order to be loved, when in reality the opposite is true. Women should be respected and treated with kindness, not abused in any way. This insanity about women should never be tolerated, no matter the context. Not only does this hurt women emotionally, it always leads to physical violence. It contributes to a dangerous cycle of abuse, as women may start to believe that this kind of treatment is normal and acceptable. Abuse of any kind is never okay and it is important to be aware of the damaging effects it can have on people. This shit is exemplified by the case of Brock Turner, who was convicted of sexual assault and served only three months in prison. His lenient sentence was seen by many as evidence that society does not take sexual assault seriously, and that it is somehow acceptable to harm and take advantage of women.
My opinion (I have no doubt I am right about this) is that sexism is the foundation of fascism...
My brother who considers himself a leftist and defines his views as socialist. "Nice guys finish last" and "women love bad boys" are a couple of ridiculous things he often says. Despite the fact that my brother is pretty “popular” with women, he doesn't understand that the women he dates are almost always drug addicts or alcoholics. He dates them through Tinder. It's basically the same thing incels do, judging all women based on this sex app called Tinder.
We should never measure a man's success based on how many women he slept with. It always makes the men treat women like sexual objects or a trophy to put on a display. Fundamentally, they become an instrument to accomplish a goal. (I'm saying we should not "virgin shame" i know it's tempting but try not to do it)
The idea that women only love "alpha males" is complete bullshit and ultimately hurts them. In doing so, it reinforces the dominant-submissive dichotomy. As in, the strong should rule the weak. Observe in the picture I posted that this shitty person compares women to children because of their perceived shared weakness...while asserting that men are stronger than them both...
"""There is nothing worse in my book than a man who betrays the trust of those weaker than himself, be they children or women.""""
Having comedians like Louis C.K doesn't help much either with jokes like "men fuck things up, women are fucked up”. What does that even mean you little shit??? Men are the ones who shoot up schools and throw acid at people when they're rejected. Can't they both fuck things up and also be fucked in the head at the same time? These “jokes” are casually accepted by most people... I am aware that most communists do not think that way, but based on the example of my brother, I am skeptical.
Also, this shithead in the picture says..””many women are understandably attracted to good looks in a man, and willing to overlook some pretty obvious character flaws if the man is, and perceived to be by other women, physically attractive””
It’s like they all think women are 14 year old tweens...They are all naive, according to them.
This is why I am not surprised when a lot of these men end up being child molesters...
Unfortunately, misogyny is extremely prevalent in popular media. And not just in media. I myself always only considered women as my equal and as human beings (it is terrible that this is something that needs to be said…). But even so, I always find that there is some deep-rooted misogynistic concept that I picked up and have to educate myself out of.
There is a form of romanticising both the "alpha male" archetype and even abusive relationships to some extent, which enables abusers and participate in getting them into relationships.
But dominant capitalist patriarchal culture is the problem, not women
In The Will to Change, bell hooks speaks to the ways women (in the general) often uphold and reaffirm patriarchy and patriarchal standards.
She cites examples akin to what is stated in the quora post, but analyzed through a systemic, materialist lens rather than the myopic misogynistic shit posted here.
Far be it from me as a man to tell women what they ought to be doing, but I feel prof. hooks when she deconstructs the ways women can claim to desire vulnerability and emotional openness in men, but due to internalized patriarchy wind up shutting men down for being too emotional or too open - she claims she did this to one of her partners when he finally started opening up. I've had it done to me, for sure.
Interesting book, I'll try to remember it!
I agree with what you said. As soon as I read your comment, I immediately thought of the movie and book 50 shades of grey.
Romanticising abuse.... I did this a lot for a long time, got abused mentallly in a lot of ways, slowly have learned that it was not good or healthy. All stemed from my upbringing & later lonelyness as an adult.
My opinion (I have no doubt I am right about this) is that sexism is the foundation of fascism…
I think you're partially right. I think strict inviolable hierarchy is the foundation of fascism. Sexism (the hierarchical ordering of man over woman) is one form, but there are others: white over non-white, straight over non-straight, christian over non-christian, able-bodied over disabled. I admittedly haven't put a whole lot of thought into it specifically, so sexism may be uniquely positioned, but perhaps not.
Another aspect of sexism (and indeed fascism) is lack of (or overriding of) empathy. Empathy is a natural human emotion that (nearly) everyone experiences, and to different degrees. In my opinion, with a healthy amount of empathy, you can't be sexist, because there's no way you can not feel the other sex as equal to yours in every meaningful way. If you have enough empathy, there is no way you can force an artificial hierarchy onto people, or take it further and deprive them of liberties based on artificial distinctions. I think empathy is largely seen as negative or at least not worth much in the culture I see: it's seen as a "weak" emotion that stands in the way of all the Good Things like exploitative profiteering and warmongering. The phrase "be a man" is often synonymous with "ignore your weak emotions"; that is, stop whining about all the innocent people that will die (ignore your empathy) and be a man and drop the bomb. Similarly, stringing women along as sexual partners while giving them the illusion that there may be more, talking shit about them behind their backs and to their faces, and otherwise not treating them as equals can only happen if you're lacking sufficient empathy.
well...i'd like to interject. as a former PUA enthusiast (try not to throw stones at me yet) and someone that you can call "beta male", "AFC" or whatever PUA lingo referring to a male without luck with women, i can understand the reason for young males to be so sexist...i mean, before turning into a marxist, based on the teachings of the PUA scammers about NLP and pseudo-evolutionary stuff, i also thought that women were stupid and emotional creatures that love and pleasure men that hurt them, meanwhile, i was forced to learn "hacks" to get a little love and female attention, with questionable results, with the expected sexism that arises when you fail and you're still sexually frustrated and starving for love and sex. but i learnt that...i'm a stupid and emotional creature too! what makes me better than women? it's a hard pill to swallow thinking about women as equal when you're sexually frustrated and the society tells you that you're a loser if "you can't get pussy"
You were never a beta male. The beta concept only serves to make the alpha male concept exist. The point is to make the guy who thinks he's an alpha (they're just losers who eventually joined a gym) look good in contrast. I'm going to tell you a secret: people like Joe Rogan are far from confident, but rather extremely insecure. It's all bullshit. They're not assertive, confident, or good leaders. The confidence they display is similar to that of a narcissist. In the end, it's all just a show, a performance.
These people push down others by calling them “beta”(they mostly use the insult cuck nowadays I think) to make them look superior without changing anything about themselves. Their position remains the same, they are not better than others, but they usually just go to the gym so they appear superior. The use of steroids is also a manifestation of their insecurity.
The whole "PUA" thing is fascinating in a fucked up way. The lies they tell about women, and the bullshit they tell you will get you laid all only serves to make you pretty much guaranteed to never get laid, and if you did, it would be in spite of all the PUA stuff, not because of it.
Like all good con artists, they create a problem, then sell you the solution. Society doesn't actually really give a shit if someone "can't get pussy." It's only insecure, sexually frustrated manchildren who care about that. So naturally, these con artists target that exact group and tell them things that prey on their insecurities, while also offering the solution, that they alone can teach you how to "control and dominate women" or whatever. Of course, this stuff only makes you incapable of viewing women as people, which in turn makes it impossible to actually have a genuine relationship, so the fledgling PUA strikes out, then goes back to their "guru" for more advice, leading to an endless cycle. And it isn't until someone realises that the whole thing is bullshit that they can actually step away from it.
Disgusting
The thing about woman loving the abusive relationships... I used to think i wanted that, until i had been through it & realized "it is not how you imagined it, they legit don't care for you or your boundaries" ....
The patriarchy is omnipresent. It fucks with our heads as girls, lies to us, gas-lights us, normalizes (even romanticizes) abuse, sends conflicting messages to us and then men are "shocked-pikachu-face" when some amount of women are messed up by this and accept or perpetuate the cycle of abuse by seeking out or continually falling into the clutches of manipulative men who are good at identifying and seeking out vulnerable women. (And yes there are women out there who do the same to men but they are a minority of a minority compared to the men who do the same because, shocker, patriarchy enables male abuse and provides victims)
Women don't know what they want they say. Well have we as a whole had a choice historically? Or have we been married off to our rapists? To men our fathers choose for land, wealth, influence, or a few chickens and a cow? When have women been in charge of setting the agenda for ourselves across culture? Never in modern history, never in the last 500 years in the west and western influenced cultures. Instead what we want has been told to us, drilled into us, blasted into us. Both blatantly and subconsciously through cultural indoctrination. We have been distorted by this. All of humanity, our sexuality, our relationships are distorted by this and getting out of it is a gradual process. It was not erected in a lifetime and it will take more than a lifetime to entirely tear down.
I don't think guys believe women like to be abused of should be abused.. As a man, I don't know anyone that would do that. And I wouldn't either. This is a bit offensive for men that actually respect women, as you are putting all of us in the same box. Also, putting your source as Quora (full of trolls and bots) is a bit funny.
You cannot be serious. As an example, I once went to the bar with a friend. He suggested we lie to women about being rich so that we can get laid. In my fucking opinion, that’s a form of abuse. You'd be surprised how common those tactics are in bars. This crap is accepted because of the shit I talked about in the post.
I'm still in a pretty dark place 10 months after getting dumped by someone I was really fond of, who was tweeting stuff about me like "equinox [an expensive gym] is a hella good deal, maybe there I'll find a man who actually has an income" & "my therapist called the guy I'm seeing a beta male" for the entire time we were together. A few days after the breakup she tweeted "these dudes never buy me flowers and act sooo surprised when I break up with them".
She's the type who posted ass on instagram and studied in LA, identifies as a feminist and a socialist; I recognize this is an individual behaving in a stereotypical way instead of it being a hard rule for all women. I do also feel sympathetic for her dissociative identity disorder (think I saw a different ego state when she told me she liked me after crying during sex—apparently b/c she "didn't deserve such a nice guy" but tweeted I was a beta 6 hours earlier) and that doesn't excuse these actions/sense of entitlement.
Naturally, how I was informed that we were no longer together was that "you're wonderful it's not you, I'm not feeling the way I want to feel, we're just too similar" and that I'd "be remembered fondly"... I make almost twice her psychology PhD tuition & gifted my dead cat's toys for her adopted kitten. So yeah, an individual occurrence but it really reinforced some stereotypes I'm trying to dispel. Of course I recognize if I was more financially ostentatious & she stuck around longer, issues would have manifested somehow else.
Anyways sorry for whingeing, I'm still self-flagellating over consciously overlooking red flags like being told "lying comes naturally to us pisces" twice, "I'm getting my PhD to charge my clients more", and "I just want to be rich to feed my family the healthiest foods".