getting a job (or doing gig work) when not fully recovered from burnout
getting a job (or doing gig work) when not fully recovered from burnout
Background: I've been in burnout at some level for 10 years. Chronic the whole time, sometimes also what I would describe as semi-acute to acute for many periods as well.
My current situation is that I won't have a place to live in about a month, and I need to raise my income, but I can't predict or guarantee that my brain will actually be functional enough to work. (I do tech stuff... right now I'm a web monkey but I'm trained as a software engineer, haven't written nontrivial code in several years tho)
In my case I'm worried that getting a job and then losing it because my brain went on strike for a few weeks/months could potentially kick off a blockbuster depressive episode. I get those lonnnnnnng slowwwwww deep shutdown, lose 50 IQ points as you stare into the deadlights depressions. One more of those could quite literally kill me. That said, my med stack works and my mood is controlled better now than at any point in my life, so, I need to worry about this less.
My current income is thru gig work and I want to increase that rather than get a "job," but here it's the same problem, if I land a client and my brain goes AWOL, it's going to be a problem. I have put a ton of work into my hardware+software stack though, and self-host nearly all my own shit, which is a big advantage when you're permanently overwhelmed, because you save big bucks on hosting bills, and the open source upgrade treadmill is a lot slower than with corporate software.
Anyway, enough about me. Anybody want to share stories or tips?
Similar to you, I was going through chronic burnout. I didn’t know I was burnt out either, but I was always tired, could barely stay awake, ate tons and gained 50 lbs that I can’t lose, short-tempered, forgetful, couldn’t concentrate, and so on. Life was hell. Long story short, I got fired from a few jobs because of the burnout, and eventually landed a chill gig at my local university. The best thing is that nobody expects you to work yourself to death.
Eventually, my wife and I split. It was for the best. I burnt out, and I think she burnt out (on having to take up my slack). It was the kick in the ass I needed. I started going to regular talk therapy. I kept adjusting my meds until I got the right medicine and dosage. I bought a new home. Graduated my Masters. And I’m watching YouTube with my boys as I type this.
I like to think that I’m pretty good at disassociating from pain and stress. I have so many years of experience at it. Naps help too; both with killing time, and making you feel better. Be sad if you’re sad. Be angry if you’re angry. Feel the feelings, and think about why you’re feeling that way and how it physically feels for you. Give yourself grace and forgiveness.
I liken this to breaking your leg: you wrap the injury in a cast, and spend however long coddling the injury and giving it time to heal. Once the cast comes off, you won’t be running any marathons. More than likely, you’ll do rehab to help restrengthen your leg muscles. Stretch out those tendons and joints. You can maybe walk or slow jog. Running takes time. Eventually you’ll get back to your full power. But if you rush it, you’re likely to re-injure yourself.
You’ll get there. Do what you’ve got to do to survive, and don’t stop seeking your peace.