Any advice on diffusing arguments for conversations i'm not apart off?

Maybe try to help people see the other person’s perspective? It really helps to put yourself in someone else’s shoes but, I think, people are not very good at it. They mostly just see how ‘they’ feel and how ‘they’ think. Often talking to people feels like I’m talking to a wall, like what I’m saying is not even getting through… I’m in a healthy long-term relationship, and I think part of the reason why we still get along is because I’m willing to do that (my partner is capable of doing this also). If we argue I will take the time to try to understand them. I might still judge them at first and feel upset (and assume the worse like they’re being selfish or not a good person), but if I discuss it and take the time to try to understand them and where their actions are coming from, the upset feeling usually dissipates. I was angry with them because I didn’t fully understand why they behaved in a certain way. Once it’s clarified, there’s an aha moment and I can understand their actions better.

Relationships can be hard because everyone has their own way of making sense of things, or of doing things. People really don’t understand each other very well, you kind of have to take the time to do it. If you’re dealing with someone who’s not willing to see your side, then I’m afraid you’re out of luck. :(

It depends on the type of argument. A shouting match is wildly different from people insulting and disrespecting each other passive aggressively. And what do you want to achieve with the diffusion? Do you want to avoid immediate escalation into violence, or do you want people to come to some sort of agreement?

In either case, people tend to argue because they both feel attacked. Making them feel heard, and then explaining that it does not help to argue with the other party, because they don't want to listen (right now), would be what I would try.

Ps. Random tip: you can edit titles in lemmy. For example, you can change "apart off" to "a part of".