The Bible: So Misunderstood It's a Sin

[Christians are believed to have massacred more followers of Jesus than any other group or nation.]

Yep

Dude, don't even get me STARTED on the Bible. I'm so goddamn pissed off about what those chucklefucks of disciples wrote about me. That whole bit about homophobia - all Peter (that dude was so far in the closet he was adventuring in Narnia). Dad doesn't give a shit where you stick your dick as long as you're a good person. And I mean, we were just a bunch of goddamn hippies scrounging in the deserts, for chrissake. It was John the Baptist that started all this bullshit when he blew my cover.

Now, I admit, I was pretty much drunk and high the entire time, so my memories are a bit fuzzy, but shit man, you're roadtripping around the country in your 20s, you don't expect motherfuckers to make a goddamn religion out of it two centuries later.

This is why I work on cars now, not people. A car doesn't give a shit what you say to it. People go fucking nuts the moment you tell them who your dad is...