To all who come here with the same issue, I am op posting from my new instance.
lemmy instances are not automatically connected
at least one user must be following a community for others to search it
to add your first community hosted by another instance, search for the full address in your lemmy search example: [email protected] after clicking search, wait 5-10 seconds and it will pull up
click on the link and subscribe. Now when another user, uses your instance they can find that community!
ok... Now you have 1 extra community... What about the thousands that exist?! Read through the comments. Someone provided a tool to basically create a bot account to add servers. I took this idea and created one as well (not sharing it's terrible) but it went through all of my approved instances and all of the communities and subscribed to all. I now have 2300+ communities.