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“Religion has actually convinced people... that there's an invisible man... living in the sky... who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of TEN THINGS HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO DO. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
...But He loves you."
-George Carlin
And he needs money!
All knowing, all powerful, all wise... JUST CAN'T HANDLE MONEY!
Carlin didn't do this one, but I always liked the joke about the three religious leaders talking about how they're going to divide up their collection money and one of them says "I just throw it all up into the air. Whatever God catches, he can keep."
Thank you, Steve Gutenberg.
Everyone takes offense to Fisher Stevens' offensive brownface act.
I take offense to the suggestion that such a shitty joke can be used to guage self awareness.