Your questionable choice of footwear aside, your comment was very clever.
Also, I actually have no opinion on Crocs. I've seen all the jokes about them online, hence the sassiness above, but that's all I know. I do appreciate the swiveling, uh, heel handle.
Around Christmas, Big Lots sells a pair of slippers that say "Papa" on one side and "Bear" on the other (or "Mama" and "Bear" if you're so inclined). While most of what they sell is poor quality, these have become my absolute favorite slippers - so much so that every Christmas season, I go buy two pairs to last me throughout the year. If you live anywhere near a Big Lots, I recommend purchasing these.
Alternatively, if you're looking for higher quality, here is an interview with Pierce Brosnan in which he discussed slippers. I tried to buy what he recommended but couldn't find a pair that fit me. However, what I did find seemed like they'd be very comfortable if they did.