This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

Before we start, fair warning: This comic isn't everyone's cup of tea. You may want to stop reading and participate in a more enjoyable, relaxing activity instead, like hitting your genitals with a meat tenderizer, or asking your parents to tell you how you were conceived.

The year was 2005. Youtube had just been created, and was already becoming a vortex absorbing people's free time. John Paul II had died, and a new pope won his hat through single combat. Shows like American Dad and Avatar the Last Airbender premiered. And DC comics had a great new idea.

It was amazing. It was exceptional. They were going to create alternate universe versions of all their most popular characters, with simplified backstories for new readers. This was the first time anyone had thought of that, not counting Batman: Year One, Robin: Year One, the entire Ultimate Universe, Elseworlds, and the other 27 times that comic creators had done this. If you ignore all those times, it was super original.

But skepticism be damned, because All Star Batman and Robin was going to be created by the dream team: Frank Miller and Jim Lee.

Who the hell are these guys?

Frank Miller is a legend among comics fans, even though his star has fallen somewhat. And in 2005, he was legendary. Among many comics, he wrote The Dark Knight Returns (and Batman: Year One).

For us now, it's hard to understand why that was such a big deal. Batman is a gritty, dark hero, so Miller wrote a dark and gritty Batman story. Big whoop. Except... he wasn't. Just look at the old Adam West cartoon, or some of the wacky old Batman comics where his gimmicky villains would rob banks with exploding penguins. And now, Batman is the poster child for a dark and brooding hero. It's hard to say that one person was 100% responsible for the change, but Miller's writing for The Dark Knight Returns had an undeniably massive impact on that. And Batman: Year One has since become the defining Batman origin. On a bigger scale, he shaped comics, pushing them more towards the dark and gritty side that we know and love tolerate generally accept today.

To put it simply: If you've ever watched any modern Batman movie -- from gravel voice to Martha to ex-vampire -- they all took a massive amount of plot points and design from Miller.

Jim Lee is an excellent artist, and general cool dude, who has since gone on to become Chief Creative Officer of DC. He has a stunning history of work both and Marvel and DC, as well as helping found Image Comics. His career has gone remarkably without major scandal or issue. Which unfortunately means that we won't discuss him much further. Sorry Jimbo.

Making a good first impression

As we all know, the opening pages of a story are vital. You have to hook people, draw them in. Make them feel like this is a narrative they want to be immersed in. The first two pages do this pretty well, showing off Robin with his parents at the circus. And the third page is... ah fuck, it's porn. Yeah, that's just straight up lingerie shots of Gotham reporter Vicki Vale speculating about Superman's dick.

OK, kinda weird start, but they can recover and nope, it's more porn. And she's still waxing poetic about the Super Schlong. Still though, it's not like they'd dedicate a third page to it and of course they would, fuck you.

The plot gets thicker than Vicki

Once everyone is fully clothed, the story moves to the circus, and things get back on track. Dick Grayson's parents are killed by mobsters -- not due to a sabotaged trapeze, but by being shot. Mild changes without destroying the beloved characters, that's the key, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT, BATMAN IS TORTURING A MAN WITH SNAKE VENOM.

That wasn't a quick change for comedic effect by the way. The story goes from "Batman sees Robin's parents die" to "Batman just hit a dude with batarangs tipped in snake venom which will cause him agonizing hallucinations for a month".

But there's no time to digest the many fucked up parts of that, because the plot is moving fast. The cops arrive! The cops punch Vicki, and take Dick Grayson! And also the cops are either pedophiles or abusers, so at least they did their research. Vicki chases the cops, and Batman chases Vicki!

And then, as a legion of bats scares off the cops, Batman rescues Robin. This is the foundational father-son moment, a broken man reaching out to a child. Batman takes an orphan under his wing, so that he doesn't go down the same dark path.

Or he lifts him into the air by the neck and screams "ON YOUR FEET SOLDIER, YOU'VE JUST BEEN DRAFTED. INTO A WAR." Yeah.

I guess either option works.

The Batmobile lost its wheel (and Vicki lost her arm)

I know this comic may seem crazy as shit so far. But I promise you: as weird as it sounds, the first issue was the most mild one.

Issue two opens with Batman kidnapping Robin. That's not me trying to dramatize it, he straight up uses the word "kidnap" as he pins down a struggling child and drugs him with sleeping gas. He then races off in the Batmobile, hitting Vicki Vale's car with his butler Alfred in it. Vicki is horrifically injured, and has a rib puncture her lungs. Batman doesn't give a shit.

Batman then goes on a monologue, which... holy fuck, it's so edgy. It's like Edward Scissorhands shaving himself in a discount machete shop. I tried to find the words to do it justice, but I can't, so I'm just gonna type the full thing out here. To the brain cells that are about to die, we salute you.

>My world. > >Welcome to MY world Dick Grayson. BATS and RATS and WARTS and all. > >You poor boy. You poor little bastard. Welcome to HELL. Hell. Or the next best thing. > >The GAS calms him down in the space of SECONDS. He won't be having any NIGHTMARES. Not the kind that aren't TRUE, anyway. Then he starts FUSSING. > >(Robin tries to ask completely normal questions, like "Why am I being kidnapped by a furry with drugs?") > >(Out loud) Sleep kid. > >The GAS was supposed to knock him OUT. He should be sailing past the MOON, right now. What's this brat MADE out of? > >(Out loud) SLEEP. The world I'm gonna wake you up to is no better than the world you already know -- but it'll make a lot more SENSE than that one did -- once I've put you through holy HELL, it will. It'll make sense. A LOT of sense. Holy Hell or the next best thing. So sleep TIGHT punk. Sleep TIGHT, my WARD. >

And then it happens. The iconic panel that still rocks the world today. It pops up pretty much weekly on r/Comicsoutofcontext. Batman says "I'm the goddamn Batman" while calling Robin a slur. He'd go on to use the phrase "goddman Batman" at least once in every other issue of the comic. This image would also go on to become one of the Internet's earliest memes. So, silver lining I guess?

So that's when the edgelord energy peaked. I mean, bad as the writing was, it's not like they'd have Batman go on a cop killing spree as he laughs maniacally.

Batman goes on a cop killing spree as he laughs maniacally

Some cops catch up to Batman and shoot at him. His (very mature and grounded) response is to think "I guess somebody on the force put out a KILL ORDER on me. Cool. It's about damn TIME."

He then proceeds on a brutal destructive spree, ramming the Batmobile into cars as Robin screams and he laughs like a madman. Words genuinely cannot do this scene justice, so just read it yourself. Gotham cops are some of the most corrupt and vicious monsters in superhero media, so the fact that Batman genuinely seems more evil than them speaks volumes.

A moment of clarity

But as Batman soars off, and the blood of the corpses he left behind begins to congeal, he stops, and becomes pensive. Is he just perpetuating the cycle of abuse? Can he really expect a child to fight a war on crime?

And then he decides "NAAAAAAAAAH, that's pussy talk", and slaps Robin.

The rest of the series

Believe it or not, that was just the first two issues. This wasn't me cherry picking the worst parts out of hundreds and hundreds of pages of content. Alllllll of that bullshit was crammed into roughly forty pages, which were the first forty pages shown.

It'd take way, way too long to cover the entire rest of the series, so I'll give you a highlights reel

• Joker has a Nazi henchmen, who is topless except for swastikas on her nipples. No, seriously.

• Batman locks Robin up in the Batcave. The only food he is allowed to eat are the raw rats he catches and kills with his bare hands. He sleeps on the rocks.

• Batman canonically tries (and fails) to make his voice sound like Clint Eastwood

• Every single woman Batman meets canonically wants to fuck him. Black Canary. Batgirl. Catwoman. The rape victim he meets for two seconds. All of them.

• Batman uses improvised napalm to burn men alive and laughs as he does so. He then has sex with Black Canary on a burning pier as they scream.

• The word "goddamn" is used at least 17 times on each page. If you took a shot every time you saw it, you'd be dead of alcohol poisoning within minutes.

• Batman forces Robin to paint an entire building yellow in a few hours. Why? To fuck with Green Lantern. Batman then painted himself yellow too for good measure. And also drank lemonade.

• Green Arrow is a sexual predator who pervs on Black Canary. My boy Ollie deserves better.

• Speaking of Black Canary, they take an iconic female hero, give her the most terribly written "girl power" moment ever, then reveal that the only reason she ever had the bravery to do anything was because Batman inspired her.

• She also decides not to get too much money, because carrying it around would give her muscles, which are for men. No, I'm not kidding.

• Wonder Woman hates all men (the nicest thing she calls them is "sperm banks"), and is an utter and complete psychopath who holds herself above any government or moral standard. But she's also dominated by Superman, because of his masculine aura. Pardon while I retch.

• Everyone uses the Q-slur a lot. A lot.

It'd be way to hard to dive into all the complexities and fucked up parts of Batman and Robin's relationship, so I'll just repeat what a number of fans have pointed out: This Batman treats Robin like Rick treats Morty. And honestly, probably even worse.

How could this comic possibly get canceled?

Even before it was formally canceled, the comic went through major difficulties. After the fifth issue came out, they switched it to a bi-monthly release. At one point, in 2006, there was only a single new issue of the comic. Then, issue #10 was delayed for four months, then delayed for another month. And then once it was released, they forgot to censor the word "fuck" (but the slurs were fine I guess), so they had to be recalled, delaying it even further.

Jim Lee has talked about how part of this was due to him having too many responsibilities with the DC Universe Online game. However, fans have speculated for years that, more likely, DC and Lee just really didn't give much of a shit about the comic.

Incredibly, this comic managed to run for ten whole issues before DC decided to scrap it. They ended it in the middle of a major storyline, which I'd say would be a loss... except it's more like euthanasia. In 2011, they announced that Miller and Lee would be coming back to finish the story! Twelve years later, and absolutely jack shit has happened, so I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that it's not gonna happen.

The comic had started out with massive sales, which quickly plummeted as it was revealed just how far Miller had fallen. It still sold fairly well, but nowhere near the 300,000 issues that the first one sold.

Fan reception

I'm not gonna lie: When I was first reading this comic, I thought it was a parody. I genuinely didn't believe that a professional writer could write this and not be making fun of pointlessly edgy superhero stories. Even after realizing it, it was still a hilarious read, just because of how stupidly terrible it was.

There are some movies that are so bad they're good. And there are some movies that are so bad that they can never be good, but that badness is entertaining. This is the comics equivalent of that. Rob Bricken said it best, commenting "All Star Batman is such a magnificent asshole." If you've seen The Room, imagine that in comic book form. Many fans will still recommend it today, just because the pure shittiness of it all is hilarious. Miller was completely, 100% serious about everything, which just made it even more funny.

Critically, the comic has been widely panned, and is described as "one of the biggest train wrecks in comics history". When said history involves a story where Ms. Marvel gets raped, and the Avengers congratulate her rapist, you know that shit is fucked up. Other critics have said things like

>it’s as if Miller was secretly trolling DC, trying to create the least ultimate Batman of all time > >As I recall, there wasn't much of a throughline in the original book. Various superhero-related things just sort of happened. > >Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely took on All-Star Superman, while Frank Miller and Jim Lee handled All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder. One of these series is regarded as one of the greatest superhero stories ever told. The other is All-Star Batman and Robin. > >Remember All-Star Batman and Robin? I Sure Wish I Didn’t >

The worst part is, the art is truly stunning. It's some of Jim Lee's best work, and genuinely still holds up today. It's just a shame that the art needs to have words on it.

Oh Miller, my Miller

Remember how I mentioned back at the start that Miller's star had fallen quite a bit? Again, blaming a single comic for that is hard, but these ten issues damaged Miller's legacy more than anything else. Fans were impressed by Miller's original idea to "make Batman darker and edgier". And then they saw him write another comic where he decided to make Batman darker and edgier, and realized that the man had exactly one go to option.

On top of that, fans started to become disillusioned with the grimdark era of comics. There's still room for heroes like Daredevil and Batman, but fans lamented the need to make everything dark and edgy all the time.

It also doesn't help that Miller genuinely cannot write women. This prompted the now infamous whorewhoreswhoreswhores comic from Shortpacked (SFW). And nowhere is this more prominent than in All Star. Every woman in Gotham is either a prostitute or rape victim. Women are portrayed as sex objects, and absolutely never anything else. They have a level of depth and complexity that would make Alison Bechdel quit comics forever.

All told, All Star was a perfectly terrible storm for Miller, that came across more as a parody of his work than an example of it. All of his worst traits were put on display, and he became a bit of a laughingstock. He's had other comics that did this (Holy Terror anyone?), but All Star was the most widely known, and thus, damaging to his reputation. He's still Frank Fucking Miller, and wields a tremendous amount of clout in the world of comics, but he is no longer the unparalleled champion that he once was.

I guess at the end of the day, the moral of the story is simple: Don't have Batman say slurs. And abuse children. And murder bystanders. And use chemical weapons...

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

If I had a nickel for every time Wonder Woman launched a fascist state and took over the world, I'd have two nickels. Wait, no, there were the Justice Lords, so I'd have three. Oh, and the vampires, so four. Flashpoint also counts, so five. And I guess DCeased half counts, since she was a zombie dictator? Wait, there was also that time she became a Nazi after Hitler won...

OK, so I'd have a lot of nickels. Maybe Batman has been making contingency plans for the wrong friend.

But forget all those, because this time is special. Fascist Wonder Woman variants are a dime a dozen, but this particular one was sexy. Which apparently made it all OK, and her dictatorship was framed as a complete positive.

As per usual, I've included various TL;DRs in bold throughout in case (for some weird reason) you don't want to her about how Amazons conquered the world via hogtie. If you want to have extra fun, take a shot every time you see the phrase "submit to loving authority".

(You may have read this writeup before when I posted it in the scuffles thread a while back, because it didn't fit the requirements for a full post. I then read the rules, and realized I was a dumbass and that it did fit the rules. So, here we are.)

It takes one to Earth One

The Earth One concept was pretty simple: Streamlined, revamped versions of classic characters, given a few new twists, kinda like how Batman movies “start from the beginning” every few years with the basic stuff that everyone knows. It was a pretty clear attempt to copy the success of Marvel’s Ultimate Universe, with one major change: instead of being long running comic series, they’d be full graphic novels, written and illustrated by some of the best in the business. The obvious problem with that was that the best writers and illustrators needed a lot of time to make a full book, especially given that they had a full time job with other series in the meantime. That meant that the series has been going for twelve years, with only thirteen books released over that time, and certain characters having four to six year gaps in between each graphic novel. However, the comics were a success. Not a massive goldmine like Ultimate comics, but they all had pretty solid sales, and got high critical reviews. Turns out, giving skilled writers the time and space they need to achieve their vision produces some pretty good content. Who woulda thunk?

And then along came Morrison

Grant Morrison is one of the most successful and respected writers in comics today, known for taking on more difficult or philosophical narratives. They were placed in charge of Wonder Woman’s Earth One story, which came out several years after Batman’s and Superman’s. The first graphic novel was pretty much what people expected from Earth One: similar story with some fun new twists. Diana was canonically bi with a girlfriend now, fulfilling years of coding and hinting (also, all Amazons are super duper constantly gay), as well as being the offspring of a rape by Hercules (rather than a child of Zeus). She also got a relatively regular body, with more time being spent drawing her muscles than her boobs, so that was nice. Overall, it brought back a lot of the classic Golden Age version of Wonder Woman, like the frequent bondage (SFW) and weird ideas of what 1950s men thought feminism was, but in general, it was a good comic.

Side note, which is kind of disconnected but is too bizarre not to share: Morrison explained in an interview that

>Wonder Woman’s Invisible Plane is now shaped like a vagina, it’s the most incredible thing. It opens up in the back and it has a little clitoris hood, everything is a female-based design. It’s all based on shells and natural stuff. >

Honestly? Hell yeah. Pussy plane it is.

The real issues wouldn’t start until the second book, and would culminate in the third. Although the publishers of DC repeatedly hammered home the idea that Earth One comics would never cross over or impact one another, Grant Morrison stated they felt such a crossover was “inevitable”. That opposing idea may be partly behind the drama that unfolded next. If you don’t have the time or inclination to read all this, the best way to sum it all up is a quote from a review of it:

>“Wonder Woman: Earth One Vol. 3" is literally the phrase "I want Wonder Woman to step on me" extended into an entire book. >

TL;DR: Earth One was a series about classic DC heroes reimagined in a more modern world. It was never a smash hit, but maintains a steady popularity. Grant Morrison was in charge of Wonder Woman's Earth One version, and took her back to her 1940s roots.

The Plot (or lack thereof)

You can feel free to skip ahead past all this if you don't have the time or inclination to read. However, I highly recommend you do. Partly because it'll help you understand how truly bizarre this was, and partly because I must free myself of the curse of this knowledge by passing it on to another. And remember: no matter how crazy or wild this may sound, this recap is somehow less bizarre than the actual comic.

Wonder Woman Deuce (Both the number and quality)

The second books started off a bit weird, with Nazis invading Paradise Island, home of the Amazons. And they were lead by a weird sexy Nazi girl because of course they were. Surprising no one, the heavily militarized Amazons kick their asses using orgasm guns, and Queen Hippolyta told them that they would be taken to the “Space Transformer” where

>They will be transported to Aphrodite’s world where Queen Desira and her butterfly-winged Venus Girls wait to purge them of their need for conflict. They will be taught to submit to loving authority. They will learn to embrace peace and obedience. They will be as happy as men can be. >

Yes, that is a real, unedited quote. It was revealed that apparently, the Amazons had a magic butterfly black ops site where they’d be brainwashed. Not the most… ethical concept, but hey, it’s Nazis, who gives a fuck. Sexy Nazi girl then tries to take on Hippolyta, but has her entire body weakened by Hippolyta’s… aura of control? I guess? Hippolyta then gives her a magic girdle that encourages obedience, causing her to renounce Nazism, and tells her

>If you truly long to be a slave to the ideas of others, well… we can find you a loving mistress to explore your desires in a healthier context. >

Remember that thing about BDSM subtext from the first one? Yeah, it wasn’t really subtext anymore. Nazi lady (aka Paula) then developed an obsession with getting dominated by Diana. Remember that, because the thirsty Nazi submissive will be important later. (Sweet holy fuck above, what has my life come to? Why does this sentence exist?)

Oh, also, Wonder Woman’s pet kangaroo Jumpa was made canon, which automatically makes this the best comic of all time.

Speedrunning through the rest of the comic: Wonder Woman became a celebrity on Earth, pushing an idea of female empowerment (which included trans women because Wonder Woman is fucking based) and also encourage the submission of all men (because Wonder Woman is fucking based?). The whole thing came off as a bit “Achieve all your dreams by buying my book and following these 11 principles for life, but there were some decent messages involved.

However, Leon Zeiko (aka Dr. Psycho), the most cartoonishly sexist man to ever exist, was hired by the US government (and a guy called Maxwell Lord) to seduce Diana and take her down. The government was threatened by the military and technological superiority of the Amazons, and wanted to take them out, or seize their knowledge.

Psycho pretends to be a harmless negotiator who Diana saves, and slowly seduces and draws her in, playing up how weak and helpless he is before her, before slowly starting to challenge her ideas. Some of his points are genuinely good (like how a society revolving around an ultimate authority using mind control and eugenics is a tad evil), which are immediately made meaningless by the uber sexism he then reveals in inner monologue or to the military. To get a general picture of how it went:

>Psycho: Diana, you have to understand that people are going to be afraid of a bulletproof superhuman wielding a magic sword who says she's going to tear down their society. Just... take it a little slower. Also, maybe don't kill government officials. > >Psycho's inner monologue two seconds later: Foolish female, as all women are. She will be a slave to me, because that's what women should be. Consent is meaningless. I'm the bad guy. >

With the military, Maxwell Lord builds the totally-not-Iron-Man, aka the Armed Response Environment Suits (get it? It’s like Ares, but it’s modern and related to the military industrial complex. Subtlety of a brick.)

Also, his Dr. Psycho villain name is revealed to be his username on their version of 4chan where he posts misogynistic Andrew Tate style rants. Honestly, as much as I hate most attempts to “modernize” comics, this is absolute gold and should always be canon.

Psycho then somehow proves immune to the lasso of truth, lying to Diana and turning her against Steve Trevor and her girlfriend. He then manages to lasso her and touch her creepily while she’s tied up. Surely that straight up sexual assault will impact Diana later, right? Believe it or not, no, it's just kinda forgotten. Also, he mind controls her, because he can do that I guess. Mind control Diana punched out Steve Trevor, and called her mom Hippolyta, who gave some vague shit about Diana being a weapon and her own impending death. Also, Nazi super lady was drawing swastikas everywhere, but I’m sure that won’t lead to anything.

The swastikas everywhere lead to something. Shocker.

Two seconds later, the Nazi girl confirms her mind control was activated via radio by Maxwell Lord and kills Hippolyta. Also, Hippolyta spends half her death talking about how “all is proceeding as planned”, which will definitely not lead to anything.

Mind controlled Diana gives a speech about needing to overthrow the world of men, giving Lord the power he needs to effectively launch a coup. Diana breaks out of it, her girlfriend beats Psycho’s head in, and Diana beats Nazi girl, who reveals the whole thing was because she was super turned on by the idea of Diana enslaving all men, and wanted to kick start that by killing her mom. Psycho is sent to the magic butterfly brainwashing dimension, and Diana declares war on the world of men.

It’s good to note that this was a first for Earth One books. They’d had continued plots across books before, but generally, each story could be read on its own (given that it could be years before the next one, and they were never 100% sure if they’d get to keep writing). So a big cliffhanger and completely unresolved story were very new.

TL;DR for the second book: Lots and lots of BDSM stuff happened. Diana got dominated by a super sexist guy and used to start a war, and her mom got killed by a Nazi submissive. Diana then beat the everloving shit out of everyone, and prepared to do the one thing that the Nazi girl wanted.

​

The Queen is dead! Long live the totalitarian state!

The third book kicks off with a utopia called Harmonia set a thousand years in the future, with “Diana Day'' celebrations preparing. The day celebrates the end of all patriarchy, and women taking charge. Also, every man shown in it is basically what Fox News anchors think gay men look like. A hooded speaker steps up to recite their history, of how they took power.

In the past, Diana cremates her mother, then goes to get advice from her butterfly mind control aunt, who tells her that

>Long, long ago we tamed the beast in man. Here, as you’ve seen, our men are pampered and subdued creatures. Domesticated, content with their privileged lives, their all-consuming hobbies … perfect submission to a loving authority. >

It’s basically a Tucker Carlson/Jordan Peterson speech about masculinity, but framed as a positive. Diana is then shown the imprisoned and tormented Dr. Psycho who tells her that her black ops brainwashing island is why everyone feared the Amazons, which… honestly, fair. Again, you really hate to agree with the guy, but they keep having him make perfectly reasonable statements in between all the insane sexism.

The Amazons then set out to recruit allies in the war, revealing that their entire cavalry rides kangaroos, which makes all other issues with the comic meaningless, because it’s the best thing ever. The leader of the rebel Amazons, Artemis, points out that a monarchy is probably no longer relevant, that the war is Diana’s own fault, and that Wonder Woman’s anti-violence stance doesn’t fit much for a person walking around with a sword and massive army. Aaaaand then she goes off the rails and starts talking about killing all men. Because Kirby forbid we have a single reasonable person in this story. Diana then defeats Artemis through the power of BDSM and making out, and gains her alliance.

Also, the Nazi girl is there too, and she’s super chill now guys. Because they believe pollution is worthy of death, but an ethnic cleansing is just quirky.

The battle of the sexes

Maxwell Lord then launches all of the ARES suits, and reveals that he is Ares! Whoa! Who could have guessed. He then has all the women protesting violently attacked and imprisoned, all while repeatedly mentioning “fake news”, “deep fake liberal media”, and all kinds of other political commentary with the subtlety and maturity of a brick through a window.

Then comes the massive battle. Mechanized suits of ultimate war against ancient Greek super soldiers. A devastating battle ensues, neck and neck with neither side having a clear advantage. A vicious struggle for their home, their people, the whole world, a story that had been built up since years ago–

Oh. It’s over in like two seconds. The Amazons realize the suits are piloted by remote control and unleash their full power, with Diana destroying nearly half personally. No Amazons died, because they have insta-heal ray guns.

The world is then 100% on Wonder Woman’s side because sure, I guess America is the only country that exists. She offers complete liberation and free shit for all women. On a side note, she mentions “the women of Lysistrata”, which enrages the classicist in me. Lysistrata wasn’t a place, it was the name of the play. It felt like they googled “Greek women stuff”, and just included it without reading the full Wikipedia entry.

Oh, we're still going? There's more "plot"?

Diana then goes on a spirit quest to Hades in order to get her mom back, which immediately fails. She almost dies, but Steve Trevor saves her. They kiss (which ruins the fucking point about this version of them having mutual respect instead of romance), and then he dies for some reason. They can’t use any of their magic healing on him because… unexplained reasons. I'm gonna be honest here, it felt like Morrison realized the day before the book was due that they needed five or six extra pages to get paid and went "Shit, shit, shit, uhhhhhh... people tell her not to go to Hades, she goes to Hades, she immediately fails".

Ares then sends a second, bigger robot, which lasts about five seconds longer, and he dies in the process. Diana reveals their island is actually a flying island, and goes forth to conquer the whole world, and bring them into submission to a loving authority (there it is again). Diana goes full dommy mommy on the world, and women seize power. There’s one mention of mind controlling half the population being “problematic”, and it’s never questioned again.

Remember that initial framing device, of the future utopia? It cuts in and out, showing a “manly party terrorist” coming into the speech with a suicide bomb, talking about how the Amazon takeover and control was morally wrong. He then talks about how the superior male sex should take over again, because there can’t be a single fucking rational person in this comic. He fails, because “You just can’t get good bomb parts in a utopia”, and is arrested by the “love police” to be taken to “reformation island”. He makes very valid points about how mind control is basically slavery, and how a matriarchy isn't much better than a patriarchy, but he's ugly and cowardly, so he's wrong. It basically gets reduced to "Nice argument, but I have drawn myself as the chad and you as the soyjak"

Also, Steve Trevor is alive again? There's no explanation for how the guy they specifically said could never be brought back to life got brought back to life. It ends with Diana showing that she’d used her mother’s indestructible heart with clay to sculpt herself a mother-daughter hybrid, because why not at this point?

TL;DR: Wonder Woman kicks the entire world's ass with the power of love and BDSM. Steve Trevor dies (but not really), Hippolyta dies (but only partially), and the entire world becomes a utopia ruled by women who have fucked men into submission.

Even more TL;DR: It's 1984 with pegging.

So, what the fuck did I just read?

William Marston, eat your heart out

Marston was the original writer for Wonder Woman, and Morrison heavily drew on his views while writing Earth One. As most people have pointed out, the entire Earth One debacle is basically what would happen if DC editorial hadn't stopped Marston from letting Wonder Woman conquer the world.

Marston's views on women and gender relations... exist. They certainly are things that a person believed. This would usually be the point where I talk about how the 1940s man had some really dated views on women, but Marston's views are genuinely bizarre enough to exist in a vacuum.

He was a pop psychologist (and inventor of the lie detector), who came up with a theory about human nature and sexuality based on studies with his wife and their polyamorous partner called DISC (Dominance, inducement, submission, and compliance). His wife and their mutual girlfriend were also a massive driving force behind Wonder Woman, and their theories were heavily influential on her and the Amazon society, as you can see here. Remember that "submission to loving authority" quote from earlier? Yeah, that was a direct quote from him.

It'd take way too long to get into his views, but the very short version is: Some people are submissive, some are dominant. Society would be super-duper cool if all the submissive people just realized that the dominant people were right, and let themselves get tied up. To his credit, he acknowledges women are every bit as capable of being dominant as men, and that men can (and should) submit to ferocious pegging loving authority.

OK, but why?

The fact that Grant Morrison chose to address Marston's beliefs shouldn't be all that surprising in retrospect. They have a history of taking weird elements from decades old comics and experimenting with them. The weird part is that... there's no "Morrison twist". There's no statement on it, no parody of Marston's values, no critique of 70 year old pseudo-science which has been widely discredited, and is very dubious on consent. It's just "Hey, remember this shite? It's right fuckin' weird mate."

In an interview, Morrison would say that

>It wasn’t even so much about trying to be timely. It was about trying to honor Marston’s original vision, and saying, ‘What would this really be like?’ The Wonder Woman: Earth One books are very much set in a contemporary, believable world. The simplicity here is about what would happen if Marston’s ideas were taken seriously, and some of those are very strange ideas. >

Ok, yeah, but why? "The guy obsessed with bondage wanted everyone to be in bondage" isn't exactly a surprising twist. Not to mention, again, Marston's views on sexual consent really aren't great. People have also pointed out that choosing to make Steve Trevor a black American, then having Diana lecture him on how him being bound and submissive is the rightful order has some really fucking messed up implications. Finally, there's no mention of what happened to gay or asexual people. Again, while it probably wasn't intentional "gay men get sent to a camp where they're 'fixed' and are sexually submissive to women" has some... troubling implications.

Personally, my thought is that somebody snuck LSD into their lunch for months, but we’ll never really know.

(It’s also more than a little ironic that an author who is proudly and openly nonbinary created a future divided squarely between men and women, with no mention of what happened to everybody else).

TL;DR: William Marston, Wonder Woman's original creator had a bunch of views on sexuality and dominance that he included in his comics, which Morrison then picked up. However, many of those concepts are deeply fucked up, and Morrison plays them entirely straight with no real critique. The only guy who questions them is the uber-sexist who gets mocked and basically raped.

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Wait, why don't people hate this?

I find it truly, utterly, and deeply hilarious that all the Gamergate and Comicsgate people who have been whining about "muh women taking over" have apparently all ignored the comic which has literal feminazis in it. There is a woman. Wearing swastikas. Who says all men must be conquered. And the edgelord crowd just kinda... ignored it.

As for the rest of fans, while a decent number of people pointed out the myriad weird shit involved, everyone else... well, it's Wonder Woman in high heels stepping on you and telling you to put on the leash and submit. It checks a lot of boxes.

And, to be fair, it had some absolutely gorgeous artwork and fight scenes, so you could just kinda skim over the pretty pictures and purposefully block out all the weird shit in the speech bubbles. There's also a decent number of people who think that Morrison did a good job exploring Marston's ideas. As you may have noticed (although it was subtle), I strongly disagree with that, but to each their own.

Finally, there are the fans who just went "Man, this is an absolutely batshit kinkfest with kangaroo armies and sororities undermining the government, hell yeah". Honestly, nothing but respect for those people. DC can often wallow in grimdark and grit, so it's nice to get a bright and fun comic that revels in the weirdness of the medium.

Goodbye Earth One

This also functionally may very well end the entire Earth One line. Green Lantern could continue in space, and they managed to squeak out the third Batman a few months later (because it was already 99% done, and they just said it was set a little while before Wonder Woman). The issue is pretty obvious: if Wonder Woman established a global utopia free of crime and struggle, there’s really nothing for anyone else to do. Gotham is a lot less dark and gritty for Batman when the Riddler is too busy putting on his catboy costume to rob a bank.

They may decide to go the same route as before, and just retcon that the Wonder Woman story takes place years after everyone else’s stories, but the future is left uncertain. The creators for Batman Earth One mentioned that they thought they were continuing the story, and had plans for the future. In a particularly shitty move, DC didn't tell them that the Batman series was canceled until after the third book was released, which may spell the end for the whole series. They had also been planning an Earth One Aquaman book, but insiders have revealed that it was most likely scrapped and repurposed for other comics. DC is keeping quiet on it, and is claiming they'll release the same Flash book they've been promising for years, but they may use Wonder Woman as an excuse to end the line.

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So, I guess the moral of the story is that if you want to have a successful authoritarian state, just make all its rulers hot dominant women in speedos and people will be cool with it.

Edit: I can't believe that I almost forgot the best part of it all. This was Morrison's last comic with DC. After decades of working there, Morrison agreed to make one final comic... then went "Hey, Diana fucks now, deal with it", dropped the mic, and left.

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Other comic writeups

Well, that was certainly one of the more bizarre things I've covered. If you'll excuse me, I'm off to wash my brain in bleach. If you liked this writeup, you may want to check out the rest of the series on superhero comics:

Ultimatum

New 52's Red Hood and the Outlaws

Chuck Dixon

Batman's Wedding

The Hank Pym slap

Or, if you want to read some writeups about newspaper comic strips

Chickweed Lane

Stephan Pastis's Divorce

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here