I generally use "anarchist" to describe my political philosophy. I'm pretty sure I'm using it correctly, but I'm not certain. I haven't had much contact with other "anarchists", just a bit of exposure through history and such.
First off, to me, "anarchism" doesn't mean "no government". Rather it means "no intrinsic authority". What I see among historical anarchists is an opposition to practices that, frankly, aren't all that often practiced any more, in the political realm. I'm referring to rule by bloodline and such, nobility and royalty. I get the impression the early anarchists wanted to do away with royal governance, in favor of a federation of voluntary governments instituted at the local level. Which is to say, they believed in government; they just wanted to do away with imposed external authority.
But I do see our current economic relations as having a great deal of externally imposed authority in it... though going into my beliefs about why, and what could be done about it, would be beyond the scope of this essay.
To me, anarchism means the following:
Favoring no unnecessary relationships of authority.
Where authority is necessary, it should be granted by those over whom the authority is exercised, directly and individually, to the greatest extent practicable. So, for example, if we have an economic system that leaves both employers and employees with the same level of market power (we do not, but if we did), the employer-employee relationship would qualify, since it commences by choice of both parties, and can end by the choice of either party.
Where this is impracticable, the authority in question should always be temporary, with a clearly delineated end. For example, the parent-child relationship is necessarily one of authority, since children lack the faculties to make all the decisions one needs to make. But this relationship should be premised on preparing the child to survive outside this relationship, and have a clear end point (the point of their majority). And I mainly include this but just for the parent-child relationship; I can't think of any others.
All this being said, I know there are those for whom Anarchism means "no government", usually detractors who don't actually understand the philosophy... or so I assume. Do I assume incorrectly? Is my use of the term wildly incorrect? I really don't know.
I find there is a lot of intellectualizing and circlejerking around what anarchism 'is' and 'isnt', which is super weird to be because its pretty much antithetical to the philosophy. I've always found it extremely off putting and pretty reminiscent of the kind of circle jerking that happens in online libertarian or online tankie circles. It seems to come from people with no lived experience whose entire perspective is based on the kinds of conditions set up by modern social media (identifying with, describing ones self as, talking and presenting rather than doing or being).
My experience of anarchism is that of free association. Its people doing for themselves and choosing to do so for those around them as well. Its the idea that we don't need some intellectual, political, or authority to tell us how to form social systems or community. Community and society are emergent properties of the human species, not some a tautology described in some text-book or pamphlet. Its not an intellectual exercise, but a physical process. Its digging a garden with your friends to feed yourselves because you don't want to be hungry and you don't want them to be hungry either. Its free association. Its some one in your community learning to do small engine repair because if not the elephant grass is going to take over. Its making art because art is beautiful and amazing and it doesn't need to have any other purpose than that. Its a recognition that for the moment, you are alive, and thats enough.
Anarchism is that idea that we are enough and that is plenty. I'm abhorent to the idea of intellectual anarchism. Its not the thing, but a copy of it. If you want to be anarchist, live it.
I think Le Guins Dispossessed is a good material description of what a lived anarchism ends up looking like. When you read it you know that Le Guin has lived parts of this as well. Its scraping the earth for some calories. Its often times not having much, but having enough. Its taking responsibility for yourself and those around you. Its doing the work yourself and not expecting others to do it for you. If you want to find out what anarchism is, go to the places where it is happening and grab a shovel and do your part to make it a reality.
I also often dream about the time when humans will finally walk back into the forests.
I find the problem to be greater. Some of the best of humanity comes from collaboration, large-scale collaboration. It is likely the only way we'll reach to the stars, for example, should we want to do that.
How collaboration is fostered matters long term - just look at the difference in quality between free and corporate software. Corporate software sucks in comparison, most likely because coercion and "must" is a bad form of collaboration between humans.
Tough problem to solve. Anarchism offers voluntary federalism as a solution, and what you describe as grabbing a shovel with friends to make ends meet.