I never did. I feel like i cant decide if im a boy or a girl or a boy who just wants to wear lipstick. Im definatley comfortable with my body, but when it comes to social roles i hate anything about myself that is masculine. I kind of just wish i could be a girl but without boobs.
There was a long time where I was oversensitive to my anxiety and would be worried that people would call me transphobic when I wasn't. I wonder if you are going through something similar. For me, it came from a fear of alienating all the people who I was close to but also didn't understand. As I have become more comfortable with other people I have become less worried about that.
Why did I write such a long comment? Idk. I've done too many mystery pills. Back to writing. Nobodythinks you are transphobic. You seem nice. :D :D :D
If you hang out with lgbt people more, it gets easier. It's obvious when people are distant/outside looking in and there's a longing there. If those feelings aren't healthy then people will notice. It's best to learn as much as you can from people so that you can see them for who they really are and not just how you perceive them. It opens the door to being friends too! 😊
Also, nonbinary topics are something I think you could benefit from researching. It sounds like you might be nonbinary, and the enby community is huge, diverse, and has a million different ways of seeing gender. One of those might be what you're looking for.