I lost my dad this week and it's a complex grief
I lost my dad this week and it's a complex grief
My dad was awesome. But he also wasn’t. It’s painful to hear words from coworkers who received things from him that he never gave me. But still, he gave me a lot. He wasn’t perfect. But neither am I. I mourn him leaving me so early. I mourn the things he never gave me and never would have given me. I needed to get this off my chest.
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My Dad died about 4 years ago now and I still think about him often. Despite being around him for most of my life, I honestly didn’t really get to know him until his last few years when I started taking care of him. By that point though he was starting to fall apart mentally and physically, so it really felt like I was trying to hold onto sand, he just gradually slipped through my fingers, no matter how hard I tried to hold on.
My time with him though helped us to prepare and get his affairs in order, so it was a relatively painless process when it did happen, though I still find myself dealing with minor things here and there, long after probate finished.
I still miss him all the time. He was flawed in many ways, but he was also a better, nicer person than me who should’ve lived longer.