Is the act of romantically approaching women out of date?
Is the act of romantically approaching women out of date?
“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
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There is very little positive guidance, just a sea of don'ts, usually worded as absolutes. And a lot of divisive "gender war" BS from all sides. Really not surprising.
For positive guidance, here's my approach in bars:
- Casual environment. Preferably full of people, it's safer for both.
- Good hygiene, and clothes that show self-care. You don't need to LARP as rich, but don't pop up with a spaghetti-stained T-shirt either.
- Find some excuse to start a conversation. Plenty of times I've approached women outright saying "hey, I'm drinking alone and up to a chat. Are you waiting for someone?" (implied: "is it OK for me to sit with you?")
- Offer a drink. Make sure that the waiter/waitress brings it, don't bring it yourself.
- Find some topic that both of you enjoy to chitchat about. Avoid divisive ones.
It works well enough here in Latin America to break the ice.
Important: be assertive but don't be pushy. It's fine to show interest, it's not fine to insist. If you notice that she's uncomfortable with your presence, just leave. And some people will be only up for the chat, but won't be willing for anything sexy or romantic, that's fine too as long as you don't push boundaries.
Offer a drink. Make sure that the waiter/waitress brings it, don’t bring it yourself.
When you specifically say this, I get it.....but that thought would have never run through my mind in the moment.
PERFECT advice! Much love.
be assertive but don't be pushy
I think a lot of young men won't do the former in fear of being judged as the later. Sorry guys, women want assertive men, not twerps. The vast majority of women want a man who can make a decision and execute.
Know the age old meme where a man asks a women where she wants to eat and she hems and haws, can't decide? Guys! YOU make the decision and present it to her. Hopefully you learned something about what she likes. Maybe you know a place she's never been to? (That's a great choice!)
"Dinner tonight? We'll go to La Hacienda. Ever been there?"
And then judge her reaction. If you're not too far off, they usually jump! People have a hard time hiding negative reactions. If she doesn't go all in?
"(laugh) You don't look like you're not loving it. OK, we'll try $restaurant."
Or maybe she presents you with two wardrobe options before going out. Pick one, and be assertive. Even if you don't care one way or the other.
"That one! That will look great on you!"
No thanks.
I'm not interested in playing those games.Basic human interaction is now "games". Talking to people in ways they understand and react positively to is now a "game".
Ever heard of 4chan? Head over there, you'll fit right in.
if you're following a script to optimize the outcome then yes, you're playing games.
I value authenticity and honesty even if suboptimal/inconvenient.
Dunno, maybe that's just my autism showing.Also, i don't appreciate you calling me names.