I love you my dearest daughter

My beautiful daughter.  I love you so much.  My journey to be a part of your life hasn't been easy. It's been filled with challenges, but it's also been so rewarding. If you're reading this, it might mean that something unexpected has happened. Please, understand that, regardless of what has transpired, my feelings for you remain strong. I have absolute unconditional love for you. Remember, no matter where I am or what situation I find myself in, my care for you is unwavering. I hope to be a source of guidance for you, a steady presence in your life to help you through difficult times. I want you to lead a healthy and fulfilling life, knowing that I will always care about you. I want you to go through life knowing that you can always count on me and that you can always be by my side whenever you feel the desire to do so.

What has transpired over the last 10 years is an unhealthy obsession by certain people. It is an obsession that has plagued me and has hurt me very much over this long duration. Two individuals have brought me to painful lows of sadness and angst that I've never experienced in my life. In my lifetime, I never thought that I would be brought to this point. Over this course of over 10 years, I've often prayed to God to give me guidance, asking what I have done to deserve this abuse that I continue to suffer. I've always gone out of my way to be good to people. I am loyal to the people that I care about. I am always kind and honest to those around me. I have gone out of my way to help people in need. I have never intentionally gone out of my way to hurt any individual like these people have.

I encourage you to focus on certain aspects of your life because I believe they are instrumental in shaping you into a compassionate and virtuous individual. My emphasis on your involvement in youth ministry, my reminders for you to treat others with kindness and care, and my urging for you to share willingly, are all part of my efforts to guide you towards becoming the best version of yourself and to avoid the pitfalls.

The individuals inflicting this pain on me have been unrelenting in invading every aspect of my life. They have interfered in my relationship with you, trying to sabotage it at all costs. Portraying me an incompetent and incapable of caring for you. They have labeled me as abusive and sometimes as an outright monster. They have interfered with my personal life, my privacy, my family, the relationships I've had with others. They have tried to steal my money through deception and untruth using legal means as their methods, along with trickery. I know you are so smart. I can see that you will be much smarter than I will ever be. I am aware that you have already realized that I am referring to your mom and your grandfather here.

I understand that you had to suffer under the side effects of this abuse along with me and it has undoubtedly had an effect on my ability to parent you. They have worn me down and brought me to lows that I've never been in my life in the hopes that I would falter. They have intentionally taken me my support system away, while uprooting my life and made me a true single parent and alone in every sense of that term. They have also taken much of my life savings to prevent me from living a quality life that we both deserve to live in. If you are reading this, it is likely that they brought me to a point where they have left me no choice but to take some action to alleviate the abuse that they have perpetrated on us all these years. It is only until recently that I have been able to pull myself out of the pain to see how badly their bad behavior has affected my life. I'm so sorry if my choice affects you but know that I have exhausted all methods to correct this, and they have failed in ceasing the actions they have perpetrated to destroy me. At this point my decisions, although difficult are here to help protect you from the continued suffering that we both have undergone under their hands.

In the beginning, of this unnecessary debacle, I honestly thought that perhaps they were temporarily misguided in their beliefs, and I thought that if I could prove my ability to parent you, to your mom, and to your grandfather, that they would understand how good of a parent I am to you and cease their abuses. I found that this was a misguided belief. What I discovered is that there are more dynamics at play here, that have nothing to do with my abilities as a parent, but with the raw human emotion of anger and greed. My belief in the goodness in people went so far as to believe that if I sold my home in Irvine and moved up to Pasadena to be closer to your school, everything would just fall into place and peace between us would ensue. What I found out was quite the opposite. The attack on me and the abuses that came with that, profoundly increased. I found myself being attacked on multiple fronts with your mom hiring one of the most complicated law firms to wreak havoc on us by twisting and churning the law with our family law case and on my life. I found myself being harassed on the legal front. The incidences of other third-party harassment increased instead of subsiding. Our time together was sometimes riddled with harassment, our time together was often laden with hints that prying eyes and encroached communications. My time alone was contaminated with various methods of harassment of the senses. I was often concurrently harassed by your mom in her emails and text messages to me, to the point where I had to permanently block her from all but one method of communication. I didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve this, but they dished it out willing and eagerly. I couldn't approach these issues in court because it was obvious to me that the law firm that your mom hired had some form of favoritism with the two judges overseeing our case. The only time I felt at ease was when I was out of state. Despite the third-party harassment subsiding when I was outside of California, the legal harassment continued despite my location.

If they do try and discredit me, I want you to use your uncanny ability to see the truth, I want you to look directly into your mom's face or your grandfathers face and ask them direct questions about it. I'm confident that you will quickly get your answer.

You will read many things that I have witnessed during this difficult journey. You've probably seen some of these issues firsthand. I am going to do my best not to mix the anger that I have for their actions with the truth or create a distortion of it. I may summarize what my opinion of a matter would be, and I will inform you of that in my future postings. Your mom and grandfather are going to try and distort the truth or make you believe that somehow my interpretation of what they did to me is not true. It is likely that they will try and use the words paranoid, or delusional to discredit me. You may think daddy is different and sometimes weird. If so, I have nothing but pride in showing you that you can live some parts of your life to the beat of a different drum. I assure you that I am of sound mind and mentally healthy and I think you are well aware of that already.

I won't go into too much detail on why your mom, and I failed in our marriage. The details are not important. What I will say is that we just couldn't get along anymore. It's my belief that your mom had a misguided belief on what marriage was about from the start. In turn, I felt that she didn't want to put in any effort into it anymore. I was disheartened by her inability to keep her marital promises and her inability to make sacrifices for the marriage. I tried everything in my power to keep the marriage alive and I felt that she did barely anything to do so. Even if we were able to reconcile just before the divorce, I am almost certain that we wouldn't have lasted the long haul. We were just too incompatible. I believe there are other dynamics going on with your mom that I may not go into, in detail. Your grandfather made certain to put the final nail in the coffin of our marriage, and I'm not sure whether to criticize him or thank him for doing so. However, what he has done to me, I will never thank him for anything ever in my life. He has been a burden on our relationship during the marriage and on me and you for over a decade.

Going forward my letters will summarize your mom and grandfathers' actions. They may be graphic in nature. I will do my best to keep my emotions out of it and provide to you the facts, which will be a challenge at best.

I love you so much and would do anything for you, but I don't like what I have become as a result of their actions. I hope you understand my love and know that I love you more than anything.