Am I (24M) being delusional over possibilities of a relationship with my crush (21F)?
Am I (24M) being delusional over possibilities of a relationship with my crush (21F)?
Long story short: we have been meeting each other for a while for semi-professional reasons, around two years now, although we only got close in the recent months. We have a very strong group of friends thanks to which we interacted a lot recently.
A job-related difficult situation arose recently and we have been extremely supportive to each other. We talk for hours at night about what's troubling us, we worry whenever one or the other is not in a good mood to extensive lengths. If she wakes up before me she always says good morning and ask me how's things.
I always thought of her as "way out of my league", and for this reason didn't even approach the concept of a relationship until recently: she is very fit while I am on the softer side, and I don't know what to think: she is extremely smart, intelligent, and would never reduce me down to my weight, but I do believe that looks play a part in all of this and honestly I believe myself as quite ugly. All of this didn't deter me from getting extremely infatuated with her, up to the point where she's all I can think about.
We'll have some time next week to be just by ourselves; she hates to trouble others, but she agreed without much fuss to let me accompany her at an important meeting, adding she'd be delighted to have me there.
On one side we have this wonderful friendship, and I'd genuinely hate for it to crumble. We so often joke together and talk about important things and I worry, what if my feelings are exaggerated and they end up ruining everything? Should I just make them quiet down? Of course I am basing all of this on the concept of a sure rejection, but the chance for them not liking me in "that" way is so strong in my head that I am also quite paralyzed.
But then again, a few days ago she re-posted a messenger screenshot in which I appear with a colored heart next to my name, and my brain obviously yeehaw'ed right into over-analysis: wow! a heart!! But.. is it colored because it is secondary, less important to the red one and thus indicating a strictly friendly relationship? Or maybe it's a special color (it does have some meaning for us two, would rather not explain as that'd be too sensible of an information) and thus acquiring the opposite meaning? I guess I would have understood better if other close friends of her appeared in the screenshots, as to gauge whether or not they also had a heart next to their name, but that didn't happen so I'm left with doubt.
Sorry for the rambly mess. Any suggestions and words about how to deal with this are more than welcome.
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Honestly, as someone in a relationship with a person who I thought was solidly, stratospherically "out of my league" at first, I can tell you the concept of "leagues" is wildly inaccurate (even though a part of me is still convinced that she is way out of my league).
Two things matter here:
- Your ability to be yourself (or an improved but still faithful version of yourself). Don't pretend to be something you aren't, that isn't going to end well regardless of the possibility of a romantic relationship.
- Your ability to accept and get over rejection without affecting your current relationship. You have to be able to be confident enough that if you ask her out and she says no, you can say "hey, no worries, that's cool" and mean it so she doesn't have to worry about you being weird about it subsequently. You also have to be able to accept that if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, she might be slightly distant and less trusting of you for a little while subsequent to whenever you do ask her out. Do not overreact or overcompensate for this in any way whatsoever. Treat her exactly the way you have been all along, as friends. If you think you can't, step away for however long it takes you to manage your feelings, and be kind the whole way through.
Now that we're clear on that, see how your time together next week goes. If she seems like she genuinely enjoys having you around, ask to hang out again in a more informal situation. Invite her out to something you think she might be interested in. See how that goes. If it consistently goes well a couple of times (for both of you), gently bring up how you feel and tell her you'd like to ask her out on an actual date, and be guided by her response. Judging by what you've told us up there, your chances are already looking pretty good, because she seems to enjoy your company a lot.
Tl;dr -- be yourself, be brave, and most of all, be (genuinely) kind. You'll be all right one way or the other. Good luck!