Insecurities
Insecurities
After moving states to a much more progressive one i feel like i get clocked all of the time here, whereas back home that rarely ever happened. When i pass by male strangers they dont do the nod thing to me. its very disconcerting. I get they'd by people who don't know me. I wish I could know what it was that makes people clock me like that. It feels like I'm not man enough here. Not being stealth feels like being naked. I don't like it.
Part of me wants to talk about my experiences as a trans man because it is a unique expierence that needs to be known, but at the same time I feel like as soon as I tell people I'm trans I automatically become Man Lite™ and a bunch of assumptions are made about me. And then I'm not man enough and am not treated as any other man would be treated. I wish T would do its magic already. I'm constantly feeling dysphoric these days.
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What does being clocked mean?
being clocked is when someone notices youre trans against your will
So, if I read it correctly, you think strangers not nodding hello means they recognise you're trans?
I mean it in the sense of being percieved as not-man, not nececarily trans.
Strangers not nodding hello could just mean they're not as friendly as you're used to. Where I live (UK) it would take a lot for us to acknowledge a stranger is even there let alone nod or say hello. You'd get a thanks for holding a door or letting someone passed but without that interaction we're not even gonna glance in your direction.
i don't think it's objective fact but it does make me feel that way sometimes, yeah. Maybe it's a cultural or age difference.
I nod at women. But I nod a lot.